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Why does my gender/sexuality seem so complicated?

15 Answers
Last Updated: 07/02/2019 at 4:20am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Danielle Gonzales, PsyD


Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
January 10th, 2015 8:37pm
Society has tried to make it too simple. You are normal. When it comes down to it no two people are the same. Gender expression, gender identity, and sexual orientation are all different things. There is not possibly (nor should there be) a label to fit each of us perfectly. Humans are complicated creatures and that's what makes us great!
January 12th, 2015 6:42am
Gender and Sexuality are two completely different things. They both can be used in many different combinations, if you mix match your socks; you'll understand. Gender is with gender identity and gender expression. Sexuality, is what your prefer, dating wise, who your interested in.
February 16th, 2015 4:25pm
You are still knowing/realizing things about yourself!I know it seems hard,but just wait it out!!!:D
April 12th, 2015 8:51pm
Gender and sexuality is as complicated subject! But society likes to make us believe that it's not complicated. It's hard to fit into the boxes that already exist, and it's also hard to come up with your own box to fit into.
July 28th, 2015 8:36pm
My sexuality sometimes seems so complicated because to me it is not important what gender the person I love has, I like them for who they are. The problem is probably the given view from society and the too often appearing judgement.
August 25th, 2015 2:08am
It may seem complicated but it doesn't have to. It doesn't matter if you're born a girl or guy. Or if you like girls or guys. It only matters that you're you!
February 29th, 2016 1:53pm
because life is complicated. You might not know yet, but soon you will. It's sometimes hard to figure out.
March 15th, 2016 6:29am
Try not to stress about it, many people, including me, struggle with not knowing what their gender is and can spend years figuring it out. A lot of people are both, or neither, you could be one of those, but I'm sure you'll find out soon enough.
June 20th, 2016 12:59pm
You used the right word, there: seem. It seems complicated, but it is not. The reason why we get this feeling sometimes is embedded in the tissue of the society we live in. You may or may not have heard of the concepts of "heteronormativity" and "cisnormativity". These means that we lie in a world where everybody is assumed, maybe even expected, to be straight and/or cisgender. This expectation renders every gender identity or sexual orientation that differs from the default assumption a "deviation", when it by no means is. So this is why we often get the impression that we are "strange" or "unnecessarily complicated", but that is not what we are. There's nothing wrong with who or what we are. There is a lot wrong with the aforementioned points of view.
September 27th, 2016 9:05am
It seems complicated bc gender and sexuality is complicated! It takes time to learn and know who you are and feel comfortable with or without a label
August 15th, 2017 3:09pm
Gender and sexuality can be a complicated thing to think about, especially when you feel like you don't fit into any of the general labels. Labels are all well and good but sometimes you will find that you don't fit into any particular label or group and that is okay. It's about being you and not trying to change to fit in somewhere that you don't feel comfortable
November 8th, 2017 7:35pm
Our sexuality and gender is somewhat complicated because its not always a case of am I this or am I that, sometimes finding the right labels or words to describe who we are takes time. We are all unique therefore our identities will be to.
August 6th, 2018 2:41pm
Because at one moment, it may seem like you've found your label, and it sticks for a while. But maybe in a month, you see someone describe their sexuality online and think "hey, that's me!" You keep learning, so you keep discovering.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
June 10th, 2019 12:49am
Good news: many people feel exactly like you when they are in the questioning phase, and eventually they found their answers! When you're questioning, it's important to try and understand what precisely is making it so difficult to realize what your sexuality is. Is it something related to your upbringing, maybe your family's mentality? Is it that you're not sure how to call the feelings you experience? Is it that you don't find a label that clearly describes who you are? The first step is to identify what is holding you back from understanding. Then you can work on it, trying to develop self-honesty and eventually self-acceptance. Looking for support can also be of great help: sharing thoughts and doubts with the LGBT community, for example, can be really helpful. After all, they went through the same phase as you, and they can help you seeing more clearly through it! And our 7Cups community is here to help as well!
July 2nd, 2019 4:20am
For some people gender and/or sexuality can be extremely fluid and hard to pinpoint. I, for example, flux between identifying as non-binary and female because other days I feel more feminine and other days I don't feel much at all. The most important thing to do is not to shove yourself into one orderly box. There is still time to figure out how you identify in terms of gender and sexuality– and there are terms for those who tend to be fluid or fluxing in those areas. For example: genderfluid is being fluid in between genders and abroromantic/abrosexual is being fluid through orientations. Human minds are incredibly complex– but that's okay, and I wish you luck on finding the perfect terms for you.