Why is it easier to "come out" to someone I just met than to my friends of years?
Last Updated: 12/10/2018 at 12:24am
Catherine Demirdogucu, Level 4 Diploma with Merit. CBT and Mindfulness Practitioner.
It takes courage and strength to seek help. My desire is to help my clients express themselves and grow in confidence, my support is offered in a nonjudgmental manner.
Top Rated Answers
I find that when you come out to friends, it's harder because I care so much more about them. Also, they have more expectations for you that you might feel like you have to fulfill, consiously or unconsciously. And the idea of a friend regecting you or not accepting you is just so much more painful than a stranger doing the same thing.
The person you meet new doesn't have a 'picture' from you yet but your friends maybe assumed you were straight/cis/... your whole life and you would have to 'change' this fact. When you meet somebody new you can tell them whatever you want to say, they won't question it.
With people you have known for a long time you worry about breaking the image they already have of you while with someone new can get to know you with that already in mind. Anyone close to you will most likely be accepting and think little to no differently about you.
Because they are a stranger, and from my own personal experience in other topics, talking to strangers is much simpler to someone you knew for years because I feel as I'm not as being judged and if I am, I just met them, I dont have to see them again but, a friend, I do have to see and its anxious seeing her reactions to things.
Coming out isn't easy, when we are telling people we care about such as our friends, we are more likely to worry about their reactions. We are less likely to worry what someone will think about our sexual orientation and gender identity if we have only just met that person because their reaction is less likely to cause us distress.
It is always easier because there is less to lose. A friend you just met is easier to let go of if they disapprove. A friend you've known a long time is harder because you want their approval more.
It is easier to "come out" to someone you just met because you just met them and they don't really have the/a big impact onto your life. It's really simple.
Sometimes it's easier to open up with people we barely know... Maybe you fear that the way your friends see you will change, maybe you're afraid of judgement and you don't want to affect your relationship. It's normal to have these fears, but a true friend, one that really cares for you and loves you for who you are, will understand that the person you are doesn't change. They love you because of something deeper than appearance. If your friendship is true, no prejudice will end it, and you will have your closest friends by your side to support you!
I have been in that situation before so in my experience its because they don't know you so they don't have any expectations of you so they won't be 'shocked' as they have no history with you, but sometimes coming out to a new friend can be a good thing because, 1 if they are against it there's no harm no foul as they weren't a big part of your life and 2 it can be a big help to get things of your chest and just finally say it out loud. It can also give you some practice as to how you can come out to your friends and just remember if your friends fall out with you over being part of the LGBTQ+ then they aren't good friends in the first place.
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