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Why is my son gay?

124 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 8:33am
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
DHawks
August 29th, 2015 2:36pm
To be honest, there is no easy answer to this, I think your son must be struggling with this question as well, it must have kept the pair of you up nights and I'm sorry about that. Truly speaking, being gay is not a choice, he is just programmed differently than straight people, he's a unicorn. When he sees a person of the opposite sex, he feels no sparks, nothing, nada. I hope with time this isn't a question anymore and you reach a stage of acceptance where you can proudly tell people, "my son is gay."
Alwaysherexoxx
September 6th, 2015 12:44pm
Because that's who he is, love is love regardless of the Gender he likes! Being gay isn't a choice it's just the way he is! It's like him asking why are you straight?! It's not a choice it just you and you are attracted to the opposite gender just like he's attracted to the sane gender! Just support him and let him know you still love him! It will be a very tough time for him! And he needs as much support as he can get
Anonymous
August 19th, 2015 12:54pm
Because he was born this way. Why do you question something your child cannot help? Support him. Love him. Put any prejudices you have aside and learn to be a good parent
Anonymous
August 20th, 2015 12:38am
This is often a question for parents with LGBT youth. It is also a tough question because there is not always a right answer for the parent. My answer would be a simple one. Your son is gay because of biological factors, not psychological factors, something that your son cannot ever change. It was not something that was influenced by parenting or anything that happened when he was raised.
kindRiver
September 2nd, 2015 7:17pm
There isn't really a concrete reason that your son is gay. It's just who he is. In my experience, I just knew that I was bisexual, nothing caused it, it's just part of my personality - part of what makes me 'me'. If there's any way that I can offer you support, please just drop me a message.
JordanBlake
September 12th, 2015 8:15am
I've gotten this question quite a few times. A lot of the thoughts that go through a parents head when their children come out are thoughts of blame and guilt, and are very often internalized and not brought forth to their child or even their spouse. I'll say, as a gay teenager, when I came out, I was worried about my father. He had always been weary of homosexuals and thought that we were just bad in general. Then, to think that his son was gay. I was afraid he would blame himself for my sexuality. So, here's what I let my father know, and what I want all the parents of LGBTQ+ children to know: It is nobody's fault that people are gay. All LGBTQ+ people, including myself, are born into it. It is not because of any traumatic experience. It is not because of poor childhood care. It just is. So, parents; don't blame yourself, because being gay isn't a bad thing. And, to my fellow LGBTQ+ people; stay proud, and live life to the fullest.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2015 3:41pm
He is gay because his physical and emotional attraction goes out to those with the same, (male) genitalia. I once asked someone why they were straight and they answered, "because i like guys?" (she was a female) so the same goes for your son.
ZoeS96
August 19th, 2015 4:53am
People cannot control their sexual orientations and attractions. Sexuality is a diverse thing, think of it as a kinsey scale. Everyone fits somewhere on that scale, but not everyone fits in the same place. Assuming you're heterosexual, ask yourself why you are straight? There's no right or wrong answer to that question. You can research sexuality more online to better understand it but there's nothing that makes someone gay.
BunnyKiss
October 23rd, 2015 3:25pm
He's gay because thats how he was born, and nothing to do with parental or how he was brought up, or the things he does, being gay is not a choice, that I can safely say from personal experience. If you need someone to chat to about it, feel free to message me, or contact an organisation like the trevor project, who will be able to help explain what is happening, and help guide you to appropriate local organisations
Anonymous
September 2nd, 2015 11:50am
Because it's his choice. ......... his preference. because he likes men more than women.............
Anonymous
November 21st, 2017 9:42am
There are no answers for this, just like there isnt an answer for why people are straight. We are who we are and that's okay. Were all different. There isn't anything anyone can do to turn someone straight or gay. We just are :)
greenJOHN1971
November 25th, 2015 6:02am
He was born gay, I don't know. I don't want to be gay, but I am. I want to have children, but I can't. However, I know that if I didn't deal with being gay, I would have made a real mess of my life and someone elses. Someday, I will have a child, and for all parents that must be the biggest fear. That your children won't go on to cary on your family. If your son is gay, and you handle it well, you should have some grandchildren one way or another.
Anonymous
August 26th, 2015 12:55am
Your son is not gay because he want to be gay. You cannot chose to be gay. Trust me one would not just decide to be gay because of all the hate and criticism there is towards someone who is part of the LGBQ community. Love is love and there should not be any restriction on who you want to spend your life with and marry.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 5th, 2019 1:41am
Because he was born like this, and there's nothing wrong. Homosexuality has been scientifically recognized to be natural and normal, the only issue about it is that, sadly, they still need to face social stigmas. But they're not different, they just love people of the same gender, and there's nothing wrong about that. Your son can be as happy and loved as anyone else, he can live and love just as well as anyone, it's not his orientation that defines him as a good or bad person. And I'm sure your support will mean a lot to him. You can talk about it with him, and give him a chance to be listened and understood. That's all he needs, that and the pure, unconditioned love and support of family.
Loveforthewin
December 29th, 2015 4:24am
The only answer to this question is your son is gay because he likes boys
SammyB
August 21st, 2015 3:58am
Your son could be gay for any number of reasons. What's important is that you love and support him no matter what. That's what's going to really matter to him.
enlightenedJoy76
August 20th, 2015 9:11pm
If I will ask you why are you straight. What will be your answer. Let me guess. You may say I am like that only, God made me like this, this is natural. Same is the answer for your son. Person doesn't choose to be gay or straight. It is something which comes naturally to them. Its nature. And you don't want to play with nature. Just go with nature. Give support and love to your son so that he will not feel embarrassment and will not go into any kind of depression
JuliaAnn
August 19th, 2015 2:38am
people are born that way. all you can do is support and love him unconditionally. he really needs it at a time of unacceptable like nowadays.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2015 2:17pm
Your son is gay because that is how he was born. Though it might be tough to understand now, it will get easier. Talk with him, learn about what he has today. And most importantly love him the same as always.
beautifulMagic16
November 26th, 2015 9:37pm
he cant help it, its not like he chose to be gay,okay sweet? it was hard for him to descover t himself and you need to make sure you try and be there for him, its terrifying coming out to your parents as i know, you have alot of questions but show support then ask when you feel like its time x
Itsacrazylifewelive
November 24th, 2015 12:39am
Because he is. Life allows people to be attracted to who you want to and if your son is attracted to males, its because life allowed him to be that way. There is nothing wrong with him and you should love him all the same.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2015 9:42pm
he likes men
serenePresence54
November 16th, 2015 2:03am
There are many reasons why some people think this is but no matter whether people think they are born that way or it is a choice it is obviously a part of them. As someone who is gay I do not think that I chose to be this way because I have tried to force myself to be something I am not and it does not work. Your son just falls for people of the same gender which does not even change who he is, it just means that you learned something new about him.
YouAreBeutiful
November 19th, 2015 2:56am
There really is no why. You're son was born gay and I hope that you can accept him. He needs that from you because you are his parent. Parents are supposed to to support their child with their decisions and their traits that they are born with.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2015 8:08am
There is no specific reason for your son being gay. Many people happen to be gay and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's just the way they are. One of my closest friends is a lesbian and she is one of the nicest and happiest persons I know.
majesticBlanket12
November 22nd, 2015 2:02am
Theres no real answer to that other than he was born that way and you should love him for who he is rather than who he's attracted to.
Anonymous
November 21st, 2015 9:06pm
Your son is gay because he was born that way. It is not something to worry about really. It's his sexuality and he will be perfect no matter what.
sakurafox
November 20th, 2015 9:39pm
He was born that way. Chances are that he dosen't know either. Being gay is a scary thing sometimes. You're confused on who to tell and who not to tell.
Greatlistener87
November 26th, 2015 6:19am
Different people are different and just because they are not the same with the majority in the society does not mean there is something wrong with them. Learn to accept and understand your son to know why he made the choice.
apocalypseArmaggedons
November 5th, 2015 3:46am
Your son is gay because he was born that way, please don't shame him or try sending him to get 'help.'