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Why is my son gay?

124 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 8:33am
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Moderated by

Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
August 29th, 2015 2:36pm
To be honest, there is no easy answer to this, I think your son must be struggling with this question as well, it must have kept the pair of you up nights and I'm sorry about that. Truly speaking, being gay is not a choice, he is just programmed differently than straight people, he's a unicorn. When he sees a person of the opposite sex, he feels no sparks, nothing, nada. I hope with time this isn't a question anymore and you reach a stage of acceptance where you can proudly tell people, "my son is gay."
September 6th, 2015 12:44pm
Because that's who he is, love is love regardless of the Gender he likes! Being gay isn't a choice it's just the way he is! It's like him asking why are you straight?! It's not a choice it just you and you are attracted to the opposite gender just like he's attracted to the sane gender! Just support him and let him know you still love him! It will be a very tough time for him! And he needs as much support as he can get
August 19th, 2015 12:54pm
Because he was born this way. Why do you question something your child cannot help? Support him. Love him. Put any prejudices you have aside and learn to be a good parent
August 20th, 2015 12:38am
This is often a question for parents with LGBT youth. It is also a tough question because there is not always a right answer for the parent. My answer would be a simple one. Your son is gay because of biological factors, not psychological factors, something that your son cannot ever change. It was not something that was influenced by parenting or anything that happened when he was raised.
September 2nd, 2015 7:17pm
There isn't really a concrete reason that your son is gay. It's just who he is. In my experience, I just knew that I was bisexual, nothing caused it, it's just part of my personality - part of what makes me 'me'. If there's any way that I can offer you support, please just drop me a message.
September 12th, 2015 8:15am
I've gotten this question quite a few times. A lot of the thoughts that go through a parents head when their children come out are thoughts of blame and guilt, and are very often internalized and not brought forth to their child or even their spouse. I'll say, as a gay teenager, when I came out, I was worried about my father. He had always been weary of homosexuals and thought that we were just bad in general. Then, to think that his son was gay. I was afraid he would blame himself for my sexuality. So, here's what I let my father know, and what I want all the parents of LGBTQ+ children to know: It is nobody's fault that people are gay. All LGBTQ+ people, including myself, are born into it. It is not because of any traumatic experience. It is not because of poor childhood care. It just is. So, parents; don't blame yourself, because being gay isn't a bad thing. And, to my fellow LGBTQ+ people; stay proud, and live life to the fullest.
November 6th, 2015 3:41pm
He is gay because his physical and emotional attraction goes out to those with the same, (male) genitalia. I once asked someone why they were straight and they answered, "because i like guys?" (she was a female) so the same goes for your son.
August 19th, 2015 4:53am
People cannot control their sexual orientations and attractions. Sexuality is a diverse thing, think of it as a kinsey scale. Everyone fits somewhere on that scale, but not everyone fits in the same place. Assuming you're heterosexual, ask yourself why you are straight? There's no right or wrong answer to that question. You can research sexuality more online to better understand it but there's nothing that makes someone gay.
September 2nd, 2015 11:50am
Because it's his choice. ......... his preference. because he likes men more than women.............
October 23rd, 2015 3:25pm
He's gay because thats how he was born, and nothing to do with parental or how he was brought up, or the things he does, being gay is not a choice, that I can safely say from personal experience. If you need someone to chat to about it, feel free to message me, or contact an organisation like the trevor project, who will be able to help explain what is happening, and help guide you to appropriate local organisations
November 21st, 2017 9:42am
There are no answers for this, just like there isnt an answer for why people are straight. We are who we are and that's okay. Were all different. There isn't anything anyone can do to turn someone straight or gay. We just are :)
August 19th, 2015 2:38am
people are born that way. all you can do is support and love him unconditionally. he really needs it at a time of unacceptable like nowadays.
August 20th, 2015 9:11pm
If I will ask you why are you straight. What will be your answer. Let me guess. You may say I am like that only, God made me like this, this is natural. Same is the answer for your son. Person doesn't choose to be gay or straight. It is something which comes naturally to them. Its nature. And you don't want to play with nature. Just go with nature. Give support and love to your son so that he will not feel embarrassment and will not go into any kind of depression
August 21st, 2015 3:58am
Your son could be gay for any number of reasons. What's important is that you love and support him no matter what. That's what's going to really matter to him.
August 26th, 2015 12:55am
Your son is not gay because he want to be gay. You cannot chose to be gay. Trust me one would not just decide to be gay because of all the hate and criticism there is towards someone who is part of the LGBQ community. Love is love and there should not be any restriction on who you want to spend your life with and marry.
September 16th, 2015 2:17pm
Your son is gay because that is how he was born. Though it might be tough to understand now, it will get easier. Talk with him, learn about what he has today. And most importantly love him the same as always.
December 29th, 2015 4:24am
The only answer to this question is your son is gay because he likes boys
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
August 5th, 2019 1:41am
Because he was born like this, and there's nothing wrong. Homosexuality has been scientifically recognized to be natural and normal, the only issue about it is that, sadly, they still need to face social stigmas. But they're not different, they just love people of the same gender, and there's nothing wrong about that. Your son can be as happy and loved as anyone else, he can live and love just as well as anyone, it's not his orientation that defines him as a good or bad person. And I'm sure your support will mean a lot to him. You can talk about it with him, and give him a chance to be listened and understood. That's all he needs, that and the pure, unconditioned love and support of family.
August 20th, 2015 12:02pm
there isn't always a reason why someone becomes a homosexual. According to some statistics, one in every ten people in this country and around the world is gay. Therefore, approximately one in four families has an immediate family member who is gay, lesbian or bisexual, and most families have at least one gay, lesbian or bisexual member in their extended family circle. That means that there are plenty of people out there you can talk to. Being gay just means he loves the same sex rather than the opposite he is still the same person.
August 20th, 2015 10:00pm
Gay isn't a choice. It's like asking "Why is my hair red?" You can dye it brown to cover it up, but in the end your hair is alway red. There really is no "why" he just is. Support him and tell him you love him! It can be tough to come out! Trust me, I know.
August 21st, 2015 2:55am
Some people are just born that way, just like a girl is born a brunette or a blonde. There's nothing you can do about it, but embrace it and support him. Show him that you love him no matter what. Family is the most important thing, after all.
August 21st, 2015 7:40am
This is a common question for straight people to ask about gay people. "Why is ___ gay?". But the answer is really simple: They are gay for the same reason that you are straight, they can't help it. That's just the way he is. I hope the bond between you and your son is okay! Good luck. :)
August 21st, 2015 5:04pm
That's how he has been born. It's not anyone's fault, no one turned him gay, he just is. Accept him and support him
August 23rd, 2015 3:24pm
There is no reason - it is just the way he is! He is still the same person, even if he is not straight.
August 23rd, 2015 5:48pm
Your son is gay because he might not have a good relationship with girls. He might feel odd around them. But around the same sex he feel complete and happy. And you as a parent should accept him the way he is no matter what. He is still your son. And deep inside you love him and he loves you.
August 27th, 2015 10:10pm
Your son is gay because that's just the way he is. As a parent, the most important thing we can do is unconditionally love our children for who they are. If you live some where where being gay is not accepted, your support is especially needed.
August 28th, 2015 7:03pm
Because your son likes men they way straight men like women. And because your son is born that way.
August 28th, 2015 7:12pm
Because he loves someone of the same gender, just like you love your spouse.
August 30th, 2015 9:41am
He has an attraction to boys, nowadays it is common for people to come out as gay. He may have shown signs of being heterosexual throughout his life, but deep down he has always had the attraction to the same sex. He is now much more confident to be who he is.
September 2nd, 2015 9:06pm
I don't think there is an exact answer to that question. It helps me picturing it like any other liking. Your favourite colour, for example; why is your favourite colour your favourite? I, at least, can't answer that, I don't have a reason, I simply like it; and with homosexuality happens the same, in my oppinion.