Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

I can't find someone to be with. Everyone tells me I have to be ok by myself before being with someone but I can't be ok until I'm with someone. What am I supposed to do?

6 Answers
Last Updated: 04/06/2020 at 7:21pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Catherine Davis, I aim to help you to beat your blues and to feel empowered. Fast and effective psychotherapy.


Hello. I'm Catherine. I am a psychotherapist. It's my aim to help you beat your blues and to feel empowered.

Top Rated Answers
June 6th, 2017 1:37am
Generally speaking, happiness obtained from one place (in this case a relationship) tends to spill over into other areas of your life, meaning to say, that it is entirely reasonable to feel an overall rejuvenation and improved outlook towards life after being in a relationship. However, it is important NOT to attach your entire self-worth and emotional state of mind to the other person because over-reliance on your significant other could break you if the relationship ends badly. You need to find ways to be happy by yourself before seeking happiness in others to ensure that you are self-sufficient without a significant other. Find something you enjoy, be it exercising, running a blog, drawing, writing newspaper columns, etc. Find something that is uniquely YOU, something that represents the very essence of your soul and celebrates your individuality. You don't want to appear to only be the "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" of someone else, but rather establish yourself as someone with his or her quirks or idiosyncracies. When your self-esteem increases, you'll naturally feel happier :)
May 1st, 2018 12:16pm
Kind of a vicious circle that is hard to break. Often two people together can create a whole that is bigger than each one of them by helping the other person grow in a relationship. Don't give up and keep looking.
July 24th, 2017 1:34am
Think about why you want to be with someone - a lot of the time it's to make you feel better about yourself. There are lots of other ways to improve your self confidence, going out and trying new things, meeting new people, doing something new with your appearance, spending time with friends and family that love you etc. If you enter into a relationship with someone knowing you're going to be dependent on them for your own happiness, the relationship is doomed from the start, it's not worth it.
May 7th, 2018 8:37pm
you have to be ok with the idea that things happen in time. Forcing things to happen will not make you feel better in the long run. Everyone wants someone, just believe it will happen. don't rush it
July 30th, 2018 6:37pm
When people say be ok with yourself first, they mean to learn who you are so you can attract the person you are meant to be with. If you know the interest you enjoy you will draw people in with the same interest. This also allows your mind to be calm, instead of dwelling on not having someone, your mind is busy with your interest or hobby. I have found in the past with many of my friends its when they stop looking is when they find their soulmate. Because they are enjoying life and putting out good energy. Enjoying your hobbies and interest in life gives you more opportunity to meet new people. Meeting new people gives you chances to meet your someone special. Take time to care for you.
April 6th, 2020 7:21pm
I am not with anybody either. And it doesn't always feel okay. But, I do feel stronger when I think about all the love I already have in my life. Do you have parents who love you? Siblings? Aunts and Uncles? Or maybe you have awesome friends or roommates? When I think about all the loving relationships I already have in my life, I feel a little less alone and a little more okay. It's not the same thing as finding "the one", and being alone in that way still hurts. But knowing that you are already loved and have people to love is such a gift.