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i'm lonely and depressed & 18. i really want a boyfriend but i doubt i will ever get one. am i selfish for even having a bit of hope that one day I will?

5 Answers
Last Updated: 11/02/2021 at 9:37pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
November 5th, 2018 2:54pm
Of course your not selfish!! You just want to find happiness just like the rest of us!! That's no wrong at all!! Everyobe has different things pushing them to keep going.. and dont doubt yourself when the time is right youll find somebody- i know that sounds really cheesy but it's true!! We all experience at one point or another abd I really hope that you get through this stage in your life and be able to look back at all of this with a new mind!! I really wish you all the best of luck.
November 4th, 2018 1:50am
There is nothing selfish about wanting to be happy! I think you should first find a way to be happy on your own, and then you will be ready for a partner, whoever that may be. I’m not a therapist, but what I’ve learned from my own experiences and from my therapist is that loving and being happy with yourself first is the most important step. Feeling depressed can happen for many different reasons, but one of those might be not loving yourself first. Just know that you are enough and anyone would be lucky to have you. The fact that you’re single just means that you haven’t met the right person who loves you for you yet. Don’t worry! That day will come. Feel better!
November 9th, 2018 3:58pm
Not at all, we all have things we want in life and everyone feels lonely sometimes, you’re not selfish for feeling that way. The fact that you have hope is a very good thing, it means you have the potential to redirect negative thoughts. What might help is raising your confidence and working on yourself until you do meet potential people you’d like to date. We have to socialise and make connections with new people, this involved putting ourselves out there. Try to meet new people and go out to places, do this gradually so you don’t become overwhelmed and stressed.
January 26th, 2021 2:09am
I believe that is the furthest thing from selfish. We all want to have someone in our lives that we feel comfortable with, that make us feel loved, important, cherished. And we all deserve that, but before we can expect someone else to be all of those things for us, we have to first love and cherish ourselves. We have to build ourselves up and help ourselves reach the goals that we set out for us. Of course there can always be help from other people in our lives, but we have to be careful not to allow them to carry our own weight. And sometimes when it comes to getting a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner, they show up in our lives when we least expect it.
November 2nd, 2021 9:37pm
No, I don't think so at all. You have to remind yourself that it isn't the most important thing in life, however, it's normal to want that. So long as it doesn't begin to chip away at your self-esteem and make you doubt yourself, It is very regular to want a boyfriend/girlfriend. I too felt like this when I was around your age, I am now 20 and with a wonderful man. I never thought anyone would want to be with me until I met my current partner. These things seem to happen when you aren't looking and usually the best people fall into your life this way too.