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How can I learn to control my emotions when I don't even know what they are?

257 Answers
Last Updated: 08/16/2021 at 2:05am
★ This question about Managing Emotions was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.

Top Rated Answers
supportiveIceCream52
August 6th, 2015 8:30pm
Well the question states your problem. You are skipping a step before you complete it. Stop what you are doing, take a step back, and start over. "What emotions am I feeling?" should be your first thought/question. "How can I learn to control them?" is your second question. In order to make progress you have to complete each step in order before continuing onto the next.
ElectricAly
August 6th, 2015 10:00pm
Stop and analyze what's going on in your life. What is making you feeling that way and why? Once you've determined the cause of your emotions you have a number of ways to help you understand them. Once you understand you can ask a loved one, use the internet, or check out a book at your local library. All of these are amazing resources for helping one cope with issues! The possibilities are practically endless!
KaringKatniss
August 7th, 2015 9:33am
Talking it out is the best way to gain control of emotions while figuring them out, whether it's someone else who identifies them or it's you.
rhythmaticToreador
August 7th, 2015 8:31pm
When I need to control my feelings and don't know exactly how or even what they are I always find solace in music and games. It helps me take my mind off of them especially if it's anger related. If that doesn't work, talking to a trusted friend also helps; especially someone who has experienced similar feelings to myself in the past.
Mortley88
August 8th, 2015 1:38am
It takes time and effort to expand your vocabulary of emotions. One of the best ways to learn to control your emotions is to try to talk them through with someone you trust. If you don't feel comfortable with that, try journaling and writing down your thoughts and feelings. Otherwise, talk to a listener here in 7 Cups - maybe they can make some suggestions about what emotions you're describing!
Christe515
August 8th, 2015 3:57am
My advice would be to seek professional help. I know it sounds like a default answer, but in my own personal experience it truly helps to talk to someone who has experience with dealing with these things. They are people you can trust, people who do not judge.
Anonymous
August 8th, 2015 4:18am
The doldrums of daily life are like waves in an ocean. We are taught to ride it out most of the time. Sometimes we lose our balance and emotions hit us. BAM! Sometimes this is so overwhelming we don't know what we are feeling or how to react. This is when we should focus on our breathing. In through our nose. Out through our mouth. Do this ten times. When you are done you should feel calm and it should be easier to figure out what you are feeling.
morphinesama
August 8th, 2015 9:07pm
When you can't place your emotions, it's best not to act upon them because meditating later may cause you to arrive at an alternative you could have taken. It's best to take out some time in solidarity and reflect on your feelings, consult with someone trustworthy and then arrive at a solution. Learn breathing exercises to control your impulse to react initially.
heavenDay24
August 9th, 2015 12:28am
Hello there :-) though your problem seems strange..it is actually quite common...we all at some point or the other ( sometimes often ) feel this way... :-) well actually...you have already..and unknowingly taken your first step towards finding an answer to this problem in your question itself- you yourself have said that " I don't even know what they are".You are just confused..so the first thing you have to do is to unwind and untangle thoughts and feelings ...Most probably at this point of time they are all mixed-up...so i would say the first thing you do now is 'TAKE A BREAK'...from everything...just for a day..one full day without any work or activities..a complete free-day..use this day to do the following: Now that you have one whole day just for yourself...the first thing you have to do is take a nice long and relaxing shower...after that you go straight to bed and sleep peacefully maybe for an hour or so...after you get up relax for a while ( if you want to relax in bed then that's even better)...then take a pen and a paper...and just start writing how you are feeling..write down anything and everything that comes to your mind at that point..for example "Im confused...want to let loose...im tired of being confused..". Then after you have written everything and you can write no more...take a deep breath and tear that piece of paper or burn it... And from there start your life again..this time with an aim...with a much more stable set of POSITIVE emotions..and as a more 'sorted out' person.. :-) ..you chose what you want to be and how you want to feel... :-) All the best :-)
SoothingWindAnna
August 9th, 2015 9:00am
Try to take some time to yourself. Journal, watch movies, eat good food. Get to know you. Taking time away from others can help you better understand you.
sunnyTree44
August 9th, 2015 5:59pm
Taking a step back, looking at a situation from outside of the box And listening to your own advice as if you were advising a friend
MyNameIsChloeJade
August 9th, 2015 9:04pm
It's incredibly difficult to understand let alone control emotions, especially because each emotion takes it's own path. But over time you will learn how to enjoy and deal with emotions individually with a series of experience and techniques if necessary.
anansiBoy
August 12th, 2015 12:48am
You open yourself to them completely. Explore them as you're going through them and ask yourself why you are feeling such. They may be harsh, but in my experience it has always been better to befriend them, and welcome them with open arms, so they won't be so harsh the next time around.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 1:36am
Before trying to control your emotions, it's important to first identify how you are feeling. This can be done several ways, like talking to a friend or writing down your thoughts. When you express your emotions, it gives you a better understanding as you are able to reflect back on what you've just said. Then you can ask yourself, why am I feeling this way? When did I start feeling this way? And pinpoint the source of those negative emotions. Understanding what you're feeling and the way you react to situations is the first step to learning to control your emotions.
cagedBirdsong
August 12th, 2015 10:34am
List 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste. Relax!
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 5:12pm
Getting to know your emotions is beneficial in being able to have control over them. Also if you look objectively at your situation you should be able to identify and discover your emotions more clearly.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 6:39pm
The only way to do that is to figure out what your emotions are in order to control them, and if you still cannot figure them out try relaxation exercises to help you get through.
PaloP
August 13th, 2015 8:45am
First, stay calm. You need to stay in a calm statement, because you can think about your emotions in a better way that in an anxiety mood. When you begin to think about your emotions, try to trace the most important feelings that you feel in that moment. You find the answer by yourself.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2015 12:21pm
I can learn to control my emotions by being more aware of my surroundings and the triggers which may set them of. Some things can be avoided to suppress emotions. Some things MUST be faced and dealt with in a manner conducive to mental stability. Continually suppressed emotions tend to burst forward in an uncontrollable manner. It is ok to show emotion, it is ok to feel emotion. It is NOT ok when your emotion may cause harm to or damage another person. So, the best control is AWARENESS.
kittykat
August 13th, 2015 5:12pm
Emotions are temporary states of being, and it's very important to remember that they're temporary. Picture yourself as an empty conduit, and the emotion as a current running through it. Allow yourself to experience the emotion instead of repressing it, and let it run through you like a current rather than consuming you. It's okay if you don't have the words to describe how you feel - sometimes having the words isn't as important as letting yourself feel the emotion, and then letting it pass on.
livelaughlove84
August 13th, 2015 9:53pm
May I ask what you feel you need to control? When I had issues of emotions I was unable to control I began keeping a journal. How I felt, time of day, intensity etc.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2015 1:17am
Try and identify at least on emotion as hard as it could be! Write what ever comes to mind reread it and try to find an emotion to describe what you wrote.
petrichor1
August 14th, 2015 3:50pm
I know it seems impossible, but sometimes writing helps. Because you're able to channel your emotions to a piece of paper. Other times, just talking to someone helps because you're able to identify more clearly what the emotions are and can then go from there.
Anonymous
January 17th, 2016 5:25pm
Take a deep breath and realize you have all the time in the world to learn how to control your emotions. Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. Maybe find a hobbie, I like to work out when I'm feeling anxious and confused about my feelings, it really helps!
Charvisioku
January 13th, 2016 11:31am
It may sound a little cheesy but try meditation - just sit by yourself in a quiet room and focus on emptying your mind of everything. Close your eyes and just sit there for a while. It's even better if you can work it into your routine as a regular thing. Writing your feelings down can also really help you to get your thoughts in order which is really helpful for self-reflection.
Anonymous
January 14th, 2016 1:53am
Personally i think you're better off accepting your emotions rather than fighting them. After all, emotions are what makes you, you. Trying to understand what you're going through and what you're feeling can be very difficult. If you find that your emotions reappear after a specific event, try avoiding that event or anything that may trigger you to remember it. Stay positive.
Lil2015
January 15th, 2016 6:21pm
Its difficult to allow ourselves to feel our own emotions fully, and even if we do, in the moment that feeling is all there is - it's difficult to compare to anything else. This seems even more so when we are in a distressed mood, it absorbs us and it's hard to imagine anything else. For me it works to focus on my heart. For some reason that place can sum up a lot of my feelings. Try to find one word to describe in what state your heart is. Broken? Scared? etc. Then you can go from there to find what sort of help you might need.
Giselle7
January 24th, 2016 1:18am
The easiest way to control our emotions is to think of the consequences that we might have to face if we display them. You might not know the exact emotions going through you but you might have a general idea of what is troubling you. When I go through such moments, I take time to sit down, meditate for a while and try to organize my mind.I go through things that bother me and find out the exact reason for my distress.This helps me sort my emotions and if I know what is troubling me then I can go further ahead and try to find a solution to the cause of my unhappiness.
MarkW
January 24th, 2016 6:32pm
Feel what your body is doing, tense or relaxed muscles, fast or slow heart beat, and shallow or deep breathing, and see if noticing what your body is doing helps calm extreme or long felt emotional states
EllenaWhite
January 10th, 2016 10:30pm
It can help just to relax for one second, just stop and breathe. I then like to write down how I'm feeling at that moment and can establish what emotions I'm feeling and can then control them from there.