How can I stop being a bully?

31 Answers
Last Updated: 11/26/2018 at 7:16pm
How can I stop being a bully?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Greece
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc

Psychologist

I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 13th, 2014 9:16pm
I think that just by acknowledging that you are a bully, is the first step in the right direction. The next thing would be to try to understand why you bully others or a specific person. Is it because you are insecure? Or is that person bothering you in anyway that may be able to be handled differently? Another helpful thing would be trying to understand that they are a person with feelings just like you. If you keep in mind that they have a family, friends, and feelings it might help you relate to them more and be kinder rather than bully.
Selfbeliever
January 3rd, 2015 7:21pm
In order to stop being a bully you have to start embracing yourself before embracing others first, then you have to accept that each and every person is different from the other, and the most challenging part of all is that you should train and practice accepting individual differences. Furthermore, bullies often lack tenderness and passion so try to seek any emotional help from either a close friend or a family member, if you can't then a therapist is the best probably. Please understand that people have feelings and can harm themselves due to bullying, so put yourself in their shoes.
Devonne
January 8th, 2015 12:04pm
Try to take yourself in the bullied person's situation. How would you feel if you've been bullied? No one should ever bully anyone.
SandyCream
February 9th, 2016 10:22pm
Don't follow the lead , think for yourself . Think about the victim and how would you feel in his place. You can always begin by asking for forgiveness or by doing something nice for said persons . Don't beat yourself up but try to be better.
Anonymous
March 27th, 2017 3:07am
How wonderful of you to recognize behavior that you wish to grow away from within yourself. That's a really brave question to ask. It's a very personal question and there likely isn't one magical cure-all answer, like in many cases. However, your willingness to accept and understand these urges show hope that you can overcome these tendencies. More questions may unlock the clues to the way forward, such as: When was the first time you bullied someone and what were the circumstances around it, what happened shortly beforehand, afterwards, and how did you feel? When was the first time you yourself were bullied, if ever, and what were those circumstances? When was the last time you bullied someone and how did it make you feel? Why do you want to change these behaviors? What other thigns can you do instead of bullying someone when you feel like it? What can you do to feel good about yourself instead of bullying others? What dreams and aspirations do you have that you can pursue instead, for instance? It's okay to be honest with yourself or go through these questions and thoughts with a close friend, good listener, or professional. Good luck!
JesseK1022
December 9th, 2014 1:53am
That's tough. Usually by the time you recognize that you are a bully you already have a lot of habits that just come so naturally to you that you don't realize your behaviors are bullying. One thing to do is to notice which things that you do have a target and if that target is happy with the attention. If they are not, chances are they are feeling bullied and that's one behavior to try to stop. Maybe start doing that with others too--when you see others, friends, doing the same thing, you don't laugh and maybe even take offence because its not good to be a bully.
Erynn
December 26th, 2014 6:01am
It will probably be hard, because it's a big behavioral change, and if you're treating someone in ways that hurt them, you are likely benefiting in some way from this exchange. That may be a good place to start - what happens and what do you feel when you "a bully" to someone? Look for positive feelings or circumstances that follow this behavior, then ask: "How else could I get those situations/feelings?" It's important to replace any negative behavior with positive ones, so while stopping your action is your goal, replacing it is very important. It may also help to think about the pros/cons of your behavior and the pros/cons of changing your behavior. Because you're hoping to change a behavior that is hurting others, apologies may be an important part of this change, but it may be best to wait on apologizing until you are going to be able to really, and truly change your behavior. And then, after verbalizing your apology, you will need to respect their wishes for your relationship (or lack of relationship) afterwards, and follow up by trying to show a change of behavior by truly stopping what has been harmful. It may help to talk to a professional about your behavior if it's been going on a long time or in a way that significantly impacts your life and relationships. It can also help to journal, and keep a record of your successes in changing your behavior as well as what things worked, and didn't work, to help you change your actions/words.
AWfulesomejj96
December 29th, 2015 10:26am
Try to practice humility.It's beneficial both to the neighbour and oneself ,after all we are only human.
majesticForest71
December 22nd, 2014 10:36pm
Except yourself for you ,face up to your true feelings any pain that's hidden and talk about your feelings , and do your behaviour may have been negative it doesn't make you bad , apologise to ever you have hurt when you mean it as yiu can save them from a lifetime of pain , and know the fact that you are asking this questions mean that you are talking the right path , you are aware and if you are ready one day will be role model
professionalDeer72
September 19th, 2016 11:55pm
by understanding that all of that anger that causes you to be a bully, will not vanish by treating badly other people. Try to address that aggressiveness, that sense of anger in some sport - Boxing for example. Channel your negative feelings into positive power, into the realization that you don't need this to feel better. Stopping being a Bully can be your first big step towards becoming a better you.
Anonymous
September 21st, 2016 10:36am
Maybe just think about it for a second. Not think about it as you, not think about it as someone who's been bullied or is being bullied - think about bullying. Were you born to bully? Were you born with a bullying streak? Has anyone ever taught you to bully? These are some examples of questions you can ask yourself. Then, perhaps, you could start being empathetic. Think about it as the person you're bullying. Or, you could ask yourself things like why am I bullying this person? What have they done to me? Am I jealous of them? For instance, if you were jealous of them - learn from them. Watch for their good qualities and aspire to be the same - but don't overdo it! Basically, if someone is kind, find your own ways to be kind. Just think about it, it won't hurt.
niceMonkey80
November 26th, 2018 7:16pm
Firstly, you need to ask yourself why you’re bullying? Why are you saying hurtful things or doing harmful things that you know are not beneficial towards you or the person the words and actions are directed at. Empathy is great. Think about how you would feel if you were in their position, how would it make you feel. You also need to ask yourself, what is the point in saying something that you know is going to hurt someone else? Why hurt someone when you can say nothing at at all? Or, better yet, compliment them, make them feel better about themselves, smile at them. Why spread hate when you can spread love? It’s a simple question.
Mayaisthename
November 15th, 2014 5:53pm
Stand up for yourself, or ignore them, it may hurt at first, but fake it till you make it, worth it
Anonymous
November 21st, 2014 3:43pm
You can learn how to empathize simply by asking yourself "If this happened to me, what would I feel?".
AlyCatx
November 22nd, 2014 10:09pm
I think it's all about accepting everyone, and not judging them the first time you've met them. We don't know what anyone else are going through, and even if they don't appear to be very nice, they might just be having an awful day. Moreover, don't discriminate others just because they are different, and try to be nice to others. If there are a few people that you just don't like in general, it's fine, we're not expected to like everything we come across, just try to avoid or ignore them. Stop spreading your hate, but spread love instead, so you and others can be happy. :)
WolfCrimson
November 23rd, 2014 7:43pm
It might be hard to stop once you start, but there's a number of ways! For example, involve yourself in something you are passionate about, a hobby. Painting, reading, writing.... Try to be polite and kind, upbeat. Apologise to people you have bullied, but accept the fact that some of them might be unwilling to instantly forgive you. Make an attempt to befriend more people, and remember not to use violence or aggression when solving problems.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2014 5:53pm
At least once, put yourself in the shoes of the one being bullied. Recognize that he is human too and even if he might now be showing it, he might be feeling hurt. Consider his/her feelings.
miraculousBeauty78
December 17th, 2014 12:04pm
By putting yourself in the shoes of the person who got bullied! You'll be able to understand how the person feel!
Anonymous
December 30th, 2014 2:06am
Recognize within yourself that what you are doing is hurting others. Use empathy and compassion in order to understand others and not cause harm to them any longer.
Pandette
April 15th, 2015 12:07am
Ask yourself this: why is it that you pick on others? How does it make you feel? Having an idea of why you commit certain acts can make it easier to stop if you really want to. I hope that helps!
EnchantedPepper
April 19th, 2015 2:23am
Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine for one second that you're the one being told you're fat, ugly, worthless. Imagine what it would feel like to feel so alone, to feel that the world is against you that your life is no longer worth living, because this is very much a reality for some victims of bullies. So if you see somebody being bullied, how about instead of joining in, you go over and help them out, stand shoulder to shoulder with them. Because after all, it's nice to be nice.
jaysgoldenrule
April 26th, 2015 2:43pm
Just let people be. It's understandable that you're probably going through troubled times yourself, but that's absolutely no excuse to take it out on other people. If you don't like something about somebody, just leave them be. Nobody deserves to be treated badly just because somebody else wants a "joke" on somebody else's behalf.
Anonymous
May 10th, 2015 8:08pm
One of the first steps would be maybe you could look what causes you to be a bully? Usually if someone develops this kind of behavior something in their home is wrong.
Theonlylight
June 4th, 2015 8:16pm
Stop being a bully as you need to remember what it is like to be the other person and just leave them alone.
Anonymous
November 30th, 2015 5:15am
Ask people who bully you very politely to stop bullying. Try to ignore them in an ideal way. If nothing is working out, then get help from your guardians.
Compassioness89
December 1st, 2015 2:27pm
Bullying people makes you feel empowered, so there is a reason why people do it, often they do it in groups. That is a horrible thing to do. Remind yourself of how YOU want to be treated by others and make active choices not to be a bully. It will cause the other person so much pain and you wish you weren't in their shoes. So don't make them wear those shoes.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2016 12:35am
First of all, imagine being on the other person place. Second, imagine a person you love was bullied. Reflect on what it made you feel. Wanting to stop is a big step. If there is space for it try getting to know the other person.
TacoSoup
October 11th, 2016 9:25pm
Treat every person in your life how you would want to be treated in their skin. That way your bullies would take a look at you and do the same.
CassDevinson1990
November 20th, 2017 11:53am
Try to gain a better perspective on yourself and try to have a basic understanding of why you feel like a bully. Also, try to calm yourself and think before you speak, if you think it could hurt someones feelings try not to say it.
Anonymous
February 6th, 2018 1:13am
Being a bully originates in fear and intimidation. The usual culprit in this behavior is low self esteem. Ask yourself why you feel so much threatened by others, what you are afraid of in relationships and what you really want from your peers. The work to be done goes beyond these questions, but they are a good place to start. I recommend you connect to a listener and try to get in touch with your feelings an insecurities.