How can I stop being a compulsive liar?

It’s important to first know your “why” to wanting to be a certain way. Why do you want to be one type of person and not another? Who in your life will benefit from these changes, those around you and including yourself? Then, it’s important to notice when you are exhibiting the behavior that you want to change. Just notice it, but you don’t need to berate yourself for it. It’s important to also treat yourself with kindness in this journey. Lastly, and this might be the hardest part, is to acknowledge that this is not the behavior that you want, in this case lying, and to tell yourself gently that you will do better next time. There’s always going to be a next time where you can show up a better version of you.

When we lie, it is usually out of defense. Perhaps we lie because we don't want to be made fun of; in the past if we told the truth we were humiliated. Perhaps we lie because we feel unsafe telling the truth; in the past if we told the truth we were abused or ignored. There is a part of you who feels they have to lie to protect you. They still believe that they are stuck in the past, constantly facing abuse, neglect, or ridicule. Bring them into the present and help them understand that you can protect yourself, even if it means being honest with those around you. Find other ways to make yourself feel safe and process trauma. It is difficult now, but it will improve your relationships and your ability to function!

Compulsive lying by itself is not a disorder but it can be a symptom of some mental illnesses that require treatment. If one is struggling with compulsive lying, one can seek professional therapy to overcome it. Also, finding a support group can be an effective way to get help and to connect with others who are facing the same issue. It is essential to identify and recognize the different types of lies, and the triggers that cause the lying. It is also important to be conscious of the consequences that lying brings. Relationships may be irreparably broken when lying causes the trust to be gone.

Delve deeper into honesty and communication with the people most important to you. It proved to be best in my life to weigh out the benefits of lying, and how it harms the people I'm lying to. It proved to be that I am harming the people more than I am benefitting from the lie. It was so much easier to lie and easier to make up a story, but it hurt the people close to me when they found out I was lying, and the blatant honesty in the moment proved to deescalate the situation as well as improve it.

It can be tough to change this behavior. It may be helpful to first spend time exploring why and how the tendency to be untruthful started. Usually when we have unhelpful behaviors part of the reason, we continue to do them is because at some point in our life it was reinforced allowing us to meet our needs. Often struggling with being truthful can develop from a desire to please others, trying to avoid harsh punishment, or avoid consequences. If you have tried to change this behavior on your own but find that it is incredibly difficult it may be helpful to talk to a therapist. Just know that the behavior developed for a reason and is not due to any sort of character flaw.

As opposite as this may sound, those who lie have truth within their lies. Some of us lie because we don’t want to show our true selves - whether that’s due to trauma, betrayal or something else. A lot of people think people who lie have this problem being themselves and wanting to mask some deeper part of us or that we’re mentally ill. That’s not always the case. Yes; lying isn’t a way to go about your life and with others. But, it’s not like everyone doesn’t lie. Some of us give little white lies and others go too deep into their lies and end up making things worse. At the end of the day, if you or those who know you think that you have an issue with your lying, you need to sit yourself down and see as to why you’ve been doing it. What’s the root of this? Why don’t you want to tell the truth? What are you afraid of? Who or what are you trying to protect? Once you understand and know the why to these things, then you can start working on being truthful and not using lying and your crutch to get out of an honest conversation, etc.

Please know that we cannot give advice on that, but we can try to help you see where its coming from with our own experiences. I know when I lied heavily, it wasn't compulsive but when I felt I needed to for some reason, i learned it was due to anxiety based around how I would be perceived. Noting that humans are communal animals, our community is vital to our lively hood, and we don't need to be vocally taught this to see how vital it is to our wellbeing. So, when I knew that people in my life (that had influence on my emotions) were around, I would lie to impress as an attempt at keep my emotions stable/ from harsh criticism. Mind you, from what I've learned from my psych professors and mentors, you may also lie as a protective mechanism as well. Now, I cannot fully understand what you're going through, I can recognize some similarities as to why I would lie. If you can, I would talk to a psych about this, but I hoped this help you better understand where it might stem from.