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How can I stop being jealous and insecure?

110 Answers
Last Updated: 08/06/2018 at 6:26am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Monique Thompson, LPC, LPC-S

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am in my 21st year as a psychotherapist. I have worked with over 3, 000 people over the course of my career.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2015 9:22pm
A positive outlook in life can overcome negative thoughts like jealousy and insecurity. One needs to be contented with what they have to avoid jealousy.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2015 5:30am
They go together. We have to start by knowing our strengths and weaknesses, then we practice our confidence by aknowleding all those strengths that we know, since we give them power to stand out.
Anonymous
October 24th, 2015 11:18pm
Embrace the fact that everyone is different in their own ways, and some people are just naturally better at certain things than others
DistantGalaxies
October 25th, 2015 2:54am
I would try finding the root of your jealously and working from there. Insecurity is a thing I think everyone struggles with, but you just need to try to realize the good qualities.
kindheartsamm
October 25th, 2015 6:53am
do not compare to you with other, it makes jealous. everyone have something special in self, try to know it instead comparing.Being yourself and do whatever you want, it makes you happy and secure :)
Art3misListens
October 25th, 2015 8:19pm
Focus on what makes you jealous, identify your factors, and cancel them out of the equation, simply by ignoring them or moving on.
wonderfulParadise33
October 28th, 2015 5:26am
Sometimes it helps to take a step back from reality, to become more conscious about your own thoughts and bring yourself to state where you are able to acknowledge and accept your feelings. It also helps to acknowledge and practice happiness and gratitude in all areas of your life so that the jealousy and insecurities do not take over completely.
animeislove
October 28th, 2015 9:52am
first of all you must figure out whats making you feel this way, find the cause of your insecurity and jealous emotions. it could also be caused by your self confidence sometimes you become to attached or feel your self worth has dropped due to the situation that's making you feel jealous, so build your confidence and it will help with overcoming and controlling your emotions. try and not compare yourself from others and work on yourself instead, feel confident in your own skin. instead of acting insecure towards the people that make you feel that way, be nice, it will feel a lot better then treating it will a jealous approach. also try and be understanding if someone does something that maybe have made you feel disappointed, don't think about the bad things about them think about the good things about them. but if they constantly do it then you probably want to rethink your relationship with them. also trying new things can keep your mind off these insecure feelings, spend more time with other people, or find an activity that makes you happy. maybe you just need to look after yourself more instead of overthinking about other people. try and focus on whats good about you and also about others :) you just need to stop thinking about the negatives and stay confident and positive, goodluck :)
Anonymous
October 28th, 2015 9:31pm
You have to think about what the underlying cause of the jealousy or insecurity is and face it head on. Fight the cause, only then will you be able to deal with the emotions that accompany it.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2015 5:45am
find something to make you forget it, like travel to somewhere or doing what you love or get away for what make you jealous
Kayla1313
October 29th, 2015 6:20am
Some jealousy is healthy. But when it becomes unhealthy you have to try and see the good in yourself. List one new thing you like about yourself every week. When you add a new one read the whole list.
HopeRays
October 29th, 2015 11:08am
Hello, Glad to help you! What makes you feel jealous and insecure? How often do you feel this way? I understand it is a natural phenomena and everybody goes through it . you can let me know more about how you feel and we can see how we can make things better.
blackWinter46
October 29th, 2015 7:13pm
I don't think I personally could ever just "stop" being jealous and insecure. I've always been insecure about how I look, am I nice enough, am I smart enough etc., it just happens to be my personality to always worry and compare. I've found as I grow older though, I realize a lot of my insecurities fade away, if not a little at a time. Maybe it's more perspective as I get older, I'm not sure. What I do know though, is as I feel insecure, I try to remind myself that everyone has something they're insecure about. No one is perfect. The thing though, is I may be imperfectly perfect for someone else out there. When I see someone that I start to compare myself too thinking that they are "better" than me, I remind myself of the qualities that I do possess that make me feel confident and know that everyone has a battle to fight, we just might not see it.
Brittneym101
October 29th, 2015 7:52pm
We're only humans, so it only natural for us to feel this way sometimes. If you want to stop being jealous and insecure then you have to start by loving yourself. It's as simple as that. Don't try to be perfect. Nobody will ever be perfect. Just be true to who you are and love yourself as is. Accept who you are.
slowTime
October 31st, 2015 12:50am
Jealousy is normally related to how you perceive yourself. If a person loves himself/herself, it is less likely to feel this emotion because you know that your are worth somthing and another woman/man are different people who are also great. Do you compare yoruself to other people? Insecurity could be related to being afraid of making mistakes, we all make mistakes :)
Fuzzylittlemango
October 31st, 2015 10:01am
From personal experience, I realised that I needed to build on my self worth and self confidence to overcome insecurity and jealousy, I still feel it today but it doesn't get to me now. To do this I wrote down my thoughts related to my fears, insecurities and jealousy, then I wrote evidence to support and go against my unhelpful thoughts to see that I was being irrational. I also wrote positive affirmations and recited them twice daily. Hope this helps :)
cayadele
November 4th, 2015 9:46pm
Jealousy and insecurities go hand in hand, and are a huge obstacle to our personal happiness and self worth. There is no simple answer to overcoming jealousy. I think it is a long personal journey to realizing how toxic and detrimental jealously is to our mental health. We have to realize that there will always be someone who has more than us. Whether it is money, popularity, good looks, success, intelligence. The moment we stop comparing ourselves to others, and start measuring our self worth by our own personal growth and success, is the moment we stop letting jealousy control us. Someone else's success is NOT your failure. What someone has does not take away from what you have. Someone else's beauty does not make you any less attractive. Start trying to become better than the person you were yesterday, not better than someone else. This is vain and shallow. There will always be someone ahead of you or behind you. If you worry about being where someone else is or having what they have, you'll never be satisfied. Worry about bettering yourself and your own mental health. Envy is evil, it will always hurt you. You deserve to be content with what you are and what you are becoming. Please, think about that.
pepperlex99
November 5th, 2015 5:11pm
Learn to accept the situation and love yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and say I'm beautiful 5 times a day :)
Anonymous
November 5th, 2015 11:06pm
It's hard to go on being insecure in a relationship, your partner should help you.
Anonymous
November 6th, 2015 3:41am
stop checking instagram feed and facebook please. People always share what they want people to see on those sites, everything you see on their profiles are not exactly their lifes
4CinderandSage
November 6th, 2015 7:10pm
Jealousy stems from insecurity. You need to appreciate yourself and build yourself up--no one is better or more qualified than you when it comes to your self-worth. Self-confidence leaves little room for pettiness.
Fizzlecares
November 7th, 2015 5:24pm
realise that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. maybe you havent discovered them fully but it is an inherent nature that each of us own. no matter what, love yourself, reflect on some happy experiences you have been through that you made you feel special and successful in life and remind yourself that you do have strengths and cultivate on that. and remember that you will feel more free and happy when you let go of jealousy.
Anonymous
November 11th, 2015 3:18pm
By learning to love yourself. Each and everyone is unique. You might possess some qualities which others don't possess. Respect yourself first. Jealousy and insecurity will vanish instantly. Remember, you are the best! :) Shine like a diamond you are!
cristiana33
November 12th, 2015 4:23pm
Jealousy comes from the fact we feel insecure. Insecurity comes from the way we are talking to ourselves. What is making you feel inferior and incapable of being as amazing as other people? Or as deserving as other people? Understanding that is the first step to stop.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2015 7:28pm
Concentrate on yourself, your strengths, your values and what makes you happy, and then do a lot of that.
wonderousSunshine82
November 15th, 2015 5:32am
Jealousy and insecurity can be difficult feelings to deal with. Try recognizing the positive qualities and attributes about yourself. Celebrate some of the things you have accomplished, no matter how small they seem.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2015 1:25pm
Simple.. ... .... ...... .... ... ... ... . . ... .. . . .. .... .. .... .. .... ... .... .. .. ... ... Be Yourself..
Bblovetj
November 16th, 2015 5:13am
You are an amazing individual and you have great qualities. Stop worrying about what they have and what you don't have and think about what you do have because everyone is special.
Anonymous
November 18th, 2015 6:10pm
I do have this quite funny and weird experience about this jealousy and insecurity lately. I have a friend whom i've for more than 8 years. She's a gamer, moderate 12th grade student, has sleep disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder. Well, due to her OCD, she's quite touché sometimes, which made I often felt insecure about our friendship. I always try to tolerate with her attitude and of course to avoid arguments. I did mentally bad mouthed about her thou. I thought if i avoid the arguments, the bad thoughts about her will go away. However it didn't, the annoyed feeling started to grow stronger and stronger until it turned into hatred against her when i realized it. I never showed my feeling to her because i'm afraid that i would hurt her if i do. I secretly hate her and jealous about her carefree attitude about everything, like she didn't give a thought about what she said to other people and it's really irritated me. I tried to calm myself and searched for my resources about my case online and found some really good guides from those people online just like 7 cups. Day by day, my negative feeling to her wasn't that strong and we're back to good terms against. To me, ways to fight jealousy and insecurity is to be humble and patience. A ego and hot tempered person can only fail to solve and eventually make it more worst. Guidance from others is also important for you to clear your mind and make the right things in your life.
KliselleK
November 19th, 2015 9:52pm
Know your value! Jealousy is basically the fear of being inferior or replaced and it stems from insecurity. You are worthy, you are amazing and you don't need me or anyone to tell you that. You are the most important person in your life and you are the mean through which you can experience life. Every cell in your body is literally devoted to you and your health and well being, don't you feel special? Cherish yourself and your uniqueness.