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How can I stop lashing out at those who try to help me?

14 Answers
Last Updated: 12/24/2019 at 7:25pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
mayraishere
January 30th, 2015 6:53pm
It's very common to push away people when we are struggling with something. Even if we don't want to, it's almost automatically. I guess first we must say to ourselves (and believe in it) that those reaching out for us is worth our trust. We shouldn't lash them out; they want to hear us out, help in any way they can. If we can't trust them enough to let them in, at least we shouldn't treat them out of respect. Once we find a solution to our problems we'll want to have our beloved ones around, but if we treat them badly, they may not want to be near us anymore.
KevinL43
February 17th, 2015 7:10pm
Just keep in mind that they care about you, and that they want to help you and your well-being. That should do the trick :)
fougere
March 26th, 2015 8:31am
I find when I'm in a bad place I don't want to let other people in just in case I bring them down too. I guess it's some kind of protective mechanism. Writing stuff down always helps me reach out, and that way I don't have to see their reaction when they read it too.
Anonymous
April 30th, 2015 7:25pm
Understand, that they are trying to help you, and they are not there, to cause any harm, or any negative feelings towards/for you.
AJourneyTowardHorizon
April 30th, 2015 8:10pm
be kind to yourself and be thankful for those that tried to help and reach out to you. if you are not ready for their help try and communicate to them while thanked them for their kindness. remember that they have a very good intention :)
Anonymous
May 6th, 2015 2:26am
Try to remember why people are trying to help you-- it's because they sincerely care about your well-being.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2016 12:14pm
If you want to stop lashing out at those who are trying to help you. You must ensure that you take on board what they are saying to you. Remember, it is not problem>Reaction>Solution. It is Problem > Solution > Reaction
Kat140615xx
July 18th, 2016 12:16pm
Remember there only trying to support you,Seem's to be we take it out on the people we love more than others, Sit down and explain how you feel.
Anonymous
March 20th, 2017 11:58pm
First, try to recognize when people are trying to help, and take a moment to appreciate their efforts. Thank them for helping, and if their particular method isn't what you need, communicate with them so they know how they can help you better.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2017 10:30pm
Try and open your self up. I know how hard it is. You just want to push everyone away before they can hurt you. Find someone who won't leave you, no matter what you do to them. Maybe try telling them that it's hard for you to accept the help they give, and ask them to stay patient with you?
LJSharp
November 20th, 2017 8:43pm
Everyone responds to situations differently. Identifying that you need to change how you react is step 1. Seek the appropriate professional help if necessary and practice reacting to the situation in a more calm and content manner.
Spiritsavessoul
January 23rd, 2018 2:33pm
Lashing out is all part of having emotions and we all do it occasionally. Try not to be angry or upset about lashing out, its a natural defensive mechanism. Try and figure out what is triggering these reactions and then you can work on the deeper issue.
gracefulPalm90
February 20th, 2018 12:35am
Is lashing out a way to reestablish control from those who are meaning well but are not allowing you to make your own decisions? Lashing out can be a hurtful behavior and a soft touch can be a healthier alternative. Instead of lashing out, you can write a letter, send and email of speak to people in private about what you need and would really like them to do.
Anonymous
December 24th, 2019 7:25pm
well if you do look at pain or joy they are conditions felt by a person, people in general do know themselves best, but in my opinion this question above is a lil more complex than that, see when someone does refuse help he/she either does know themselves well enough to take care of the problem, at this case the way they will reject outside help is mostly politely. but some people look at problems and pains as a way of identity, you must reflect and ask yourself if you are brave enough to have yourself judged, to face your fear of entering a new challenge to make yourself better, because some people just know too much, they know that being helped by someone is also entering a whole new processes of admitting mistakes discovering new difficulties coping with weaknesses, when you lash at someone you are doing this because you have been triggered by something deep down in you, you must face it, understand it . people that dont accept help, dont accept themselves yet, make peace with who you are now. and you will have no problem accepting help.