How do I know when it's okay to tell someone I'm angry with them and when I'm just picking a fight based on a small disagreement?

19 Answers
Last Updated: 01/23/2018 at 9:56pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
theAngel1
June 20th, 2016 1:52pm
The best thing for you is to put yourself in their shoes and see how would you react and that'll give you the answer :)
frostyMoon72
April 6th, 2015 8:12am
I think that if you feel very passionate about a problem it is always ok to speak up but if you know the problem is something you will be over soon then it is not worth it
Br33zyS3tz
July 29th, 2015 10:06pm
Sometimes its okay to swallow some issues, and other times, closure and understanding is necessary; relationships, whether between partner and partner, family member and fellow family member, etc. are complex and involved a lot of emotion and communication. When things get out of hand, when issues and concerns arise which come to challenge your internal strength and confidence, its important to act--to stand up for what you feel to be appropriate and right; dont suffer in silence, ever. A relationship needs to be healthy and cooperative, whole and respectful; sometimes petty issues can be resolved easily, other times its necessary to engage in more profound conversations; either way, resolving such issues is crucial for the health and happiness of not on the relationship, but, more so, for yourself.
Jennalovely2
September 28th, 2015 11:21pm
It is always okay to let someone know how you feel. It matters on the way you tell them. Yelling and such does not help but communicating your feelings calmly is very efficient :)
MindfulnessIsKey
June 17th, 2015 5:28am
It is always okay for you to express emotions in a positive manner. Communication is key with everyone. Even someone that may be your best friend may be in a different mindset at the moment, and can overlook something that is happening. Setting up boundaries is the best way to accomplish this for the future. If you are picking a fight based on a small disagreement, step back, assess the situation, and see if the level of anger will affect your situation positively or negatively. Being open, honest, and true to yourself is always a great way to get through things. Speak from the heart, and people will come to realize the point you are trying to get across.
PoliteOcean
August 25th, 2015 8:10pm
If you feel that your feelings have been hurt or that you've been misunderstood or not understood at all, then you should speak up to that person. Let them know why you feel the way you do. You can talk and be calm and make your statement in a cordial manner. Just let them know how you feel and more importantly "why" you feel the way you do.
McIntosh92
December 15th, 2015 2:12pm
It's ok to tell someone that you're angry when you are no longer angry. Because then you won't be confronting with rage, rather with reflection and understanding.
Greatlistener87
August 22nd, 2016 6:22am
Its always base on the time, place and way you convey the message to them. Make sure that the time and place is appropriate and when you tell that person don't immediately say that you are angry with them. Tell them 1st what is the meeting about and what situation you are referring too then say that that situation made u upset and why.
miaesh
April 10th, 2015 12:20pm
you should look in yourself what is the level of anger that you feel. how much is it bothering you? if you think that it will go by itself in a couple of days maybe its not worth the fight.
Ouchie
June 2nd, 2015 7:46am
If something bothers you enough that you become upset, you should let the other party know. You are picking a fight and not just standing up for yourself when you feel the need to comment not because you are impassioned about a subject but because you're trying to bother/anger the other party. So tell someone you're angry when you're trying to resolve your own anger, and don't tell someone you're angry if you're trying to lure them into feeling an emotion.
olimaar
December 8th, 2015 4:04pm
Think about what made you angry. If you did that same thing to someone else, would they get as angry as you?
wishfairy
November 14th, 2017 5:53am
It is always good to share your feelings in a constructive and caring way. If you feel hurt no matter what it is important to share it with the person that you are in a relationship with, be it your friend, spouse, parents or siblings. It is, however, the way the that you share your feelings that are important. Never attack the other person. Keep to the facts of what happened. Explain that you love the other person, but that you need to share your feelings. Talk about it in a rational, calm and loving way and look for ways to solve the situation that will make you both happy.
Anonymous
January 23rd, 2018 9:56pm
If you are angry with someone, you should always tell them. Maybe you feel it is just because of a small matter, but they are the only person that can help you resolve this problem. It is better to tell someone "I'am currently very cross with you, please excuse my harsh demeanor." than acting harshly towards someone without them realising why you are angry with them and then in return becoming angry at you.
HopeUnbroken
March 30th, 2015 8:59pm
One way to tell the difference between a problem you should confront someone about and a minor disagreement that you could ignore is by asking yourself if it is truly causing a problem for you or a rift in your relationship and whether it is reoccurring. If it is something small that someone does once or twice that unintentionally irritates you than it may not be worth confronting them about, but if it is constantly reoccurring or causing a major problem, than perhaps you should explain to them your frustration.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2016 2:15am
Anger usually leads to disappointment in another person or yourself. You can ask yourself, "Am I just disappointed or do I disagree?" If you are able to distinguish between those two, it can help you tell.
Anonymous
February 1st, 2016 10:53pm
You could try to put the problem to the back or your mind, and if you are still angry, then talk to the other person calmly. Being calm is the best way to deal with anger.
StayPositiveFriend
September 12th, 2016 8:28am
Open communication is always important when you feel strongly about something. Angry is a rather strong feeling however that can quickly escalate a situation so take time to calm down before discussing the issue. Once you feel less angry you can talk to the person and let them know that the situation did not make you feel very happy, and you would like to talk to them about this so it does not repeat itself. Try and also look at a situation from their perspective, did they try and make you angry or was it just a misunderstanding or assumption on their part?
horsesforever
November 21st, 2016 11:20pm
Just tell them anyway, it clears up any miscomunications you may have during the argument. I have done this plenty of times
Anonymous
February 28th, 2017 2:05am
Whenever you are uncomfortable, you are uncomfortable. No one can tell you how you feel or if it is worth it or not. Small or large - these are in the eye of the beholder, it doesn't matter. It's always ok to express how you feel. Someone who is worthy of conversing with you will respect you for this, and people who think you are overreacting are not healthy to have around anyway.