How do keep yourself calm when you are really mad?

25 Answers
Last Updated: 06/24/2019 at 7:15am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Erin Parks, PhD

Psychologist

With extensive training and experience in evidence based treatments, I use behavioral and cognitive techniques and a warm nonjudgmental approach to help people find joy.

Top Rated Answers
Missleo814
March 26th, 2015 1:25pm
Take a deep breathe and attempt to relax or count backwards until I start to feel calm. The best thing to do when you are mad at another person especially if you feel you will react badly is to excuse yourself until you are able to proceed.
Anonymous
March 23rd, 2015 11:34am
Different coping strategies work for different people. For some, grasping hold of a soft object and squeezing tightly helps reduce stress and calm anger. If that's not realistic, then you can always just remove yourself from the situation that's making you mad-- this is especially useful if you're afraid of what your emotions might make you do. You can also look into professional counseling, where you can work through what's causing you so much anger in life, and find positive ways to work through your problems rather than reacting with anger.
iAmSecretErlene
April 4th, 2015 12:45am
This question is hard to answer but we just have to breathe and think something else that is not part of it and relax ourselves.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2015 8:00am
it get really annoying,frustrating and eventually pure anger when you do something and its not appreciated the way you would want, so i am cleaning the house and if i turn i find mud from my relatives, i always enjoy doing the cleaning in weekends, but this was getting annoying so i chose to tell them to try and wait out for the house to dry up, they never listened, i got really angry that i shouted to my grannies, thats not good obviously,but it worked.. so the next time they did the same thing, i just did what i could best, i locked the house and put loud music so that no one could say i ignored their knocks neither did i hear them, after the house was dry i opened the house.. so what am saying is, whatever makes you angry you can face it or lock it out and dont let it get to you... if it gets to you start visualizing great moments instead... i do flash moments to the most funny clips i have ever watched, and laugh instead of getting angry
Anonymous
April 25th, 2015 8:12pm
Meditation and incense have worked wonders for me. Finding the perfect balance of myself and light makes things a bit more calming and less hectic. Sometimes, I turn on relaxing music, light the incense and lay down on my yoga mat. Just breathing.
Vatsa
April 26th, 2015 1:25pm
It's a very old trick. start counting from 100 to 1. If that doesn't help, then sit and fold you legs, and breath deeply and slowly for five minutes. This one really helps. Make sure that you're in quiet environment.
Tuscany
May 7th, 2015 6:59am
There isn't one set way to calm yourself but I find that counting to three and then trying to separate myself from the thing that's making me angry really helps. Also, if you're standing, sit down. If you're sitting, lay down. Sometimes just changing positions can help defuse some anger.
ivysoul
May 22nd, 2015 2:48pm
Breathe. Just breathe. In for 3 seconds, hold for 5 and out again for 3 seconds. Breathe. Imagine the breath spiraling out from your mouth and turning around and coming back through your nose. Breathe.
twelvetigerlillies
July 20th, 2015 10:28am
When I get out of control mad, I tend to try and focus on something in the distance. Something just out of my hearing range, it allows me to focus so much of my energy into figuring out whats out there that I begin to focus less on what is making me angry! I also need to distance myself from the situation or person who is making me feel angry. I usually excuse myself, go outside and listen to the traffic. Sometimes, I also like to sing really loudly to really expressive, passionate songs! Haha!
ListenLady
September 8th, 2015 9:33am
There are ways to calm yourself down when you are feeling angry. Breathing is a good technique to try, deep abdominal slow breaths can counteract the rising anger. Slowly counting to ten while doing this. You can remove yourself from the situation for however long you need and do something to help you release your anger, go for a walk, run to the gym, play some music etc.
Ginieboops
September 28th, 2015 7:57pm
I tend to try and get out of the situation for a start, I think over what has made me unhappy and talk it through with myself, then I'll consider how I could have been wrong and begin formulating a way I can confront the thing that's making me mad for the next time I come across it ( its important to think it all over and ask yourself if its: rude, irrational, will get you into trouble and is the nicest thing to say) finally I will calm myself down by doing something I like or is quiet so I can be happy or neutral once more.
thoughtfulPeace75
September 29th, 2015 1:00pm
Look at the situation logically, be calm and try to figure out whether or not you being mad is going to change the situation. If not then tell your self it is not worth it and if there is something that u can do to change the situation then do it with a calm head as the work will get done much faster when you are focused instead of being mad.
Anonymous
December 8th, 2015 4:55pm
I walk away from whatever or whoever has caused me to be mad. I clear my mind and breathe. I think about the situation when I am in a better state and decide what appropriate response would be to give.
Sarcasticqueen15
January 25th, 2016 10:49pm
I either run or write about it. That or I punch a pillow or a walls, depends on the day. Trust me, don't punch anyone (unless they deserve it.)
Anonymous
February 15th, 2016 9:44am
When I'm mad, listening to Music helps me. Just blasting music and ignoring the world for a bit can really go a long way. My favourite genre is Metal/Rock. It really helps me when I feel the need to do something I'll regret. If listened to correctly, Metal can help the anger fade.
CosmicStranger
April 5th, 2016 4:37am
For me, I just stop and try to ponder all the things that I've done and think if it was rightful or if it's the only possible way to do it.. If not, I stabilize myself by secluding myself for a while and having an alternative get up to distract myself with thn afterwards confess why I am mad on a piece of paper or talk to myself on a mirror, it also helps when you have someone to express to that will limit you from doing such and speaking such.. Just stop for a while an have a break from everything
LovableGeek16
July 19th, 2016 5:45pm
Take in a deep breath, hold it for five seconds and push all of the air out of your lungs. Keep doing that until you clear your head. It always works for me.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2016 2:15am
You must laugh and maintain a good sense of humour. Laughter is a good cure/ medicine. I also find that being empathetic and angry at a situation helps nobody.
Anonymous
January 3rd, 2017 5:35pm
Keep breathing. Remember that this won't be a problem in one, five or ten years. Remember that you are on a planet in a universe bigger than you can imagine, and that your problems hardly matter. That always helps me to keep calm when I'm mad.
marlilistens
February 7th, 2017 7:02pm
I usually do something to express myself, like dancing, singing or playing the guitar. I feel like I can let it all out when I do that
Anonymous
December 4th, 2017 4:43am
There is one called breathing method. Before you tell anything when you are angry take 10 deep breathes, it will calm you a little bit. Then i do not know, you can try to remember the funny things like some vines or the jokes. I always do that.
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2018 1:30am
I breathe in and out. Counting also helps. I know that controlling emotions can be difficult but it is important to remind yourself that you are in charge of your actions.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2018 6:37am
Breathing exercises, Meditation. Reminding yourself that being angry never fixes a problem. Reassurance.
opiekk
September 25th, 2018 3:23am
Stop: Take five seconds and drink a glass of water. This is enough time to cool the heat of the upset. No water around? Then take some swigs of air and blow the air out like you are blowing out a flame. Detach: Notice where the anger resides in your body. Put your hand on your head, neck, or gut and observe the feelings. Just doing this and the fury will begin to subside. Vent: Find someone you trust and use your most creative language to let the mad out. No one around? Talk to yourself and let it rip. Ride the upset like a wave that will soon come to shore. Visualize: See the other as a little child who was powerless. Often the one who makes you feel like crap is really a frightened child inside. This makes the other less intimidating as you prepare to discuss the situation. Identify: Look at your own triggers and notice why you became so challenged by what was said or done. Hint: Often is has to do with how conflict was resolved in your own family as you were growing up. Restructure: Change the negative thoughts of revenge and disappointment to the positive of "I can handle this successfully." Ask: Prepare to discuss the situation by having accountability questions ready such as "What do you want as an outcome of what just happened?" or "What was the purpose of what you just said." Emote: Use "I" statements that include how you feel. Hint: you have to feel a feeling such as sadness, hurt, anger, etc. You cannot feel "that" the other person did or did not do something such as "I feel THAT you gave me too much work." Listen: Once you say how the situation made you feel you are ready for the last part of the equation to say "And now I would like to hear from you." And then the task is to again take deep breaths and be quiet.
AWandetingMind
June 24th, 2019 7:15am
I try to think about the positives in my life. The positive factors keep me uplifted and motivated throughout my difficult days. I think about the people who really care about me and that motivates me to stay positive in difficult times. If I get really angry I try to release my anger in a harmless way either by shedding tears or punching a pillow. If I get really angry at a person I try to calm myself down before entering into a fight or argument with that person.Its always advisable to think rationally even in most difficult times.