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How do you prevent yourself from crying during debates and arguments?

14 Answers
Last Updated: 01/29/2019 at 12:22am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Stacey Kiger, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My belief is that therapy is not about giving advice, but joining you on your journey

Top Rated Answers
January 15th, 2015 7:10pm
It takes a lot of practice to learn how to detach yourself emotionally from debates and arguments. Crying is often a sign that you are taking the argument personally, rather than objectively, and that's perfectly understandable; after all, we're all prone to that sort of thing. Try to consider the object of discussion as outside of yourself, and you may find it easier to detach yourself from the idea you wish to defend. Remember: people aren't ideas.
September 1st, 2015 11:28am
One misconception people have is that tears get in the way. Instead of thinking them as a weakness, you should take them in your stride. What actually helps is thinking about it from a different angle. Because are simply something your body does. It has nothing to do with your argument/debate/emotions being experienced at that moment. Just ignore it and keep going. Some of you might think this to be too simple or just plain weird. How can you ignore tears? Trust me, you can. Just think of the tears as a part of your body. And ignore it. It's amazing actually that by ignoring it, a part of you starts to forget about the tears.It's amazing. All the tension starts disappearing, and your body actually loosens up. You usually are too tensed and worried about the tears and that you probably don't even realise. Now it doesn't matter whether you cry or not. What matters is that you say what you have to say. And focus on it. And when you don't pay attention to your tears, others don't either.
July 7th, 2015 9:59am
Calm yourself. Breathe. Think about what you have to say rather than rushing your response, because this will make you more emotional.
June 7th, 2015 8:30pm
I can't say I cry during debates but I do often during arguments. I tend to let my anger get out of control and that makes me not cry. When I notice it, I feel bad and I cry about being out of control and let myself to feel the tears and let them go.
December 8th, 2015 4:56pm
I stay calm and breathe rhythmically. I try to listen carefully and understand the other person and think clearly for my response. I speak slowly and articulately to convey my opinion.
April 17th, 2015 2:32pm
Take a deep breath, and say out what you have to say. And if you feel like crying, take another deep breath again. If tears come out, it's okay, you can try that again next time. If you didn't cry after taking a deep breath, then good job, well done, and in the future when you have similar experience, you can think of how strong you were in the past for not crying and remind yourself to take a deep breath and that you can stay strong and not cry again this time.
June 7th, 2016 4:43pm
Focus on the topic at hand. Try not to take anything personally. Try to engage mentally and have a positive attitude, don't insult or raise your voice, but rather repeat your arguments in a calm manner. Don't let the other person provoke you to losing your inner calm. If you feel you are getting emotional, step out of the debate/argument and try to discuss at a later time.
May 30th, 2016 6:25pm
Debates and arguments sometimes can be hard to cope with depending on what the topic is. The best way to prevent crying during debates and arguments is to barrier yourself from the topics you know re a trigger.
December 5th, 2016 4:50pm
First of all, sometimes crying is appropriate. It shows passion, sometimes compassion. But before we talk about whether it's appropriate, we need to understand that argument and conflict have 2 components - the emotional, and the issue to be resolved. By focusing on the issue to be resolved, the emotional content can be managed separately. With practice, this resolution of issues, which can be rather pragmatic, can be used to strengthen the emotional content. Argument, focused on resolution, not on individual positions, aids in bringing people together and can support building relationships.
May 28th, 2018 10:18pm
I typically don't prevent myself from crying. If I feel a feeling, I understand that it is okay to feel that feeling. I can simply step away when things are too chaotic or simply set a boundary until an appropriate time for me to handle it.
November 17th, 2015 8:47pm
Try to take deep breaths or look at the ceiling. Understand that it's perfectly normal to cry while having arguments and debates. You shouldn't always have to prevent yourself from crying and it's nothing to be ashamed of!
October 3rd, 2016 11:03am
I don't. I cry and halfway I stop at times. Sometimes I continue crying until the pain is gone. I believe it's one good therapy to cry.
January 29th, 2019 12:22am
I find it helpful to avoid emotive words when I feel like I'm going to cry in an argument- treat the argument more like a school debate (you can argue your opinion or point without getting emotional because school debates are void of lots of personal or emotional words-they stick to facts and logical reasoning. Obviously this takes practise but when arguing with someone take a moment to breathe and think about 1-2 good 'rebuttal' points for the argument, or if you feel yourself starting to become emotional and upset tell the person you need a moment to collect yourself before continuing the argument
June 27th, 2017 7:50am
Close your eyes and take a breath. Walking away for awhile to think and to calm yourself is also helpful.