How to stop comparing yourself to crushes boyfriend?
1 Answers
Last Updated: 06/23/2020 at 1:37am
Moderated by
Lauren Abasheva, LMHC
Licensed Professional Counselor
A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.
Top Rated Answers
I know from first-hand experience what it can be like trying to compare yourself to someone in order to gain the affection of someone else. Love and/or lust make people do many things, often to the extreme, which can include changing their appearance, habits (both good and bad), and also our behavior. For starters, these efforts are often unsuccessful, but most of all, it's important to understand that you have self worth, and that you are good enough the way you are. While it's nice to take into account how others view you and what they think of you, what matters most is how you view yourself. It's taken me a few years, but over time and lots of reflection, you can learn a lot about yourself and feel comfortable with who you are, and there's an immense amount of joy and relief when you achieve that. Trying to impress someone else and change who you are in order to gain their affection will leave you constantly feeling anxious and nervous - even if you were to gain that person's affection, it's always going to be a charade and it won't feel as good if they had accepted you for who you are. Being alone can be hard, but I can absolutely say, having gone through it a few times, I would much rather spend time by myself rather than work to gain someone else's affection by pretending to be something or someone I'm not. Life is too short, and as you get older you realize it's just not worth it.
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