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I feel like no one ever taught me how to manage my emotions-how do I start now?

26 Answers
Last Updated: 04/02/2018 at 7:58pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Strauss, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am client focused and believe everyone has a strength. I feel confident in seeing clients with generalized and social anxiety, depression and relational goals.

Top Rated Answers
October 30th, 2014 2:47am
Children only learn the coping skills their parents have. No one else is around to teach them. So when children grow into adults they carry with them or perhaps not with them, the skills they need for life. You can learn these skills by reading books on the issues you want to strengthen for example, interpersonal communication, how to deal with stress, etc. You can attend counselling to help with some of the big ones and perhaps get guidance on where to find help with the rest i.e book recommendations. This is quite normal and the fact you are asking means you have the insight to know you need more skills. Well done and I trust you will learn what you need to become the person you aim to be :-)
October 8th, 2014 5:41pm
My parents were great, they really did try their best. But never once, even til this day have I seen them kiss, hold hands or even say I love you. They never had any 'sit downs' and 'deep and meaningful' talks with me- I had to find out everything through TV and friends. Which of course, isn't always the right way to go about things. Focus on the positive of having to start managing your emotions now. At least you are older and therefore it'll be easier to make a wiser decision on how you decide to handle them. You now know you can go with your gut instinct if you truly think it's the right approach whereas if you had been taught how to manage how you feel and should react, it may never have felt like it was truly you reacting to a situation. Now depending on the emotion you have to approach it differently. Let's say anger. Initial response may be to be physically aggressive or to yell abuse. Is this really going to make you feel better? Is it going to resolve why you're feeling angry? Because at the end of the day, that is what you really want, to fix the problem and not to feel angry. Therefore you should ask yourself that before making any rash decisions. If it's having a crush on someone and you feel as if you cannot show it. The two questions to ask or tell yourself would be are 'what's the worst that can happen?' and 'well i could move on if it is unrequited and feel better much sooner than this sick lovey feeling' I think it's all about stepping back and thinking what you want at the end of the day. What is best for you. Once that is determined, the way you react and manage your emotions should be much more controlled and rationalised.
October 31st, 2014 8:24am
Finding 7 cups is an great first step .... we have some excellent listeners on board who can help talk through any particular issues you have and perhaps identify what potential triggers you have. There are also some fantastic self help guides that are a great source of information for you to read through. I hope this is of some help to you.
October 30th, 2014 8:19pm
The Managing Emotions 7 Cups self-help guide is a great place to start. Following this, reaching out for community support and seeing how other people have managed their emotions and dealt with their problems is a great idea. You can also peruse different coping mechanisms and self-care tips, that can help you to work through strong emotions and take care of yourself as they're happening. Being able to process and sort through emotions is a skill that takes time to develop, so don't get frustrated with yourself. Take it slow.
September 12th, 2014 5:01pm
Take a deep breath. You can control your emotions if you have a calm and stable mind. If you really want to do it, you will be able to do it. You can also follow some Yoga techniques, this will generate positive vibes and you will feel more at ease with yourself and your emotions. Talk to someone about your emotions, remove that burden off your chest by talking about it. You will feel lighter. Hope this helps. :)
September 20th, 2014 9:56am
Well I Supose You Start A Diary And Write Down your emotions each time you feel either low or depressed
October 8th, 2014 4:25pm
I try to keep track of my moods and emotions by journaling and keeping a mood tracker. Journaling allows me to express myself emotionally without taking action. Giving me time to calm down or sometimes I am able to see where I may have been wrong about something. The nood tracking apps and diary I keep gives me a visual picture graphing highs and lows, anything that is out of balance or out of character for me. Managing your emotions doesn't happen overnight and the process continues throughout your life.
October 25th, 2014 2:37am
Sometimes you should let your emotion out like cry in a pillow or something, trust me it will make you feel better, plus it lets out all the stress.
October 30th, 2014 8:09am
I first feel to identify my emotions. After that, I acknowledge my emotions are valid to let it go.
November 3rd, 2014 3:45am
Take an inventory of your emotions, pick out the ones you wish to change, choose one and change it..
November 4th, 2014 12:41am
This is skill many people were never taught and need to learn on their own. The first step is to be able to identify how you are feeling. Very often people will be anxious and not even realize it for hours, days, or even weeks. Learn to spot the physical and mental signs of all your emotions. Shaking, sweating, not wanting to go outside, having very little energy, having too much energy, etc. Once you associate all of these with labels, then you can tell yourself what emotion you are feeling (for now, let's say anxious.) Step two, ask yourself what got you feeling this way. "What is making me anxious." Identify that thing. Step 3, address it. The more you do this, the faster and easier it will become. You can't manage your emotions until you become familiar with them, so start keeping a close eye, and get to know yourself!
November 4th, 2014 3:19am
I think a good way to begin managing your emotions is to recognize how to identify them. When you are feeling conflicted with what you are feeling, or confused, you can start by free-writing everthing that comes in your head. Sometimes getting ideas out on paper can help your mind to focus.
- Expert in Managing Emotions
November 16th, 2014 8:03am
Talk to someone. Let them know how you feel. Let it all out. Cry, laugh, smile, frown. Just reach out to someone.
April 2nd, 2015 10:17am
Only life can teach you. People can give you some hints but there's no rule book for achieving emotion management. Managing emotions comes from you becoming self-aware of your emotions in a given fleeting moment; to question yourself on the validity and reason behind such emotion. The challenge here is that when you're in an emotional outbreak your reason tends to fade and sometimes it's hard to get it back. So the trick is to reason WITH your emotions, instead of sticking to one side of the coin. The balance is sometimes hard to achieve, only with practice you'll get there. Some people are more prone to react and only then think. To finish off, I believe the first step would be not to hold your emotions in but since you're at it think about the situation while you're letting it out and question yourself.
April 30th, 2015 3:20pm
Breathing is really great. Might sound silly, but when you're facing a tough situation where one emotion or another seems to be getting unmanageable then it helps to just take a moment and do some deep breathing. It slows everything down and gives you an opportunity to really think about what's going on.
May 24th, 2015 6:50pm
Try to reflect your behaviour and how Society wants you to react. Try to think about "what would be the best in this Situation?" "would i be ok with the outcome"?
May 28th, 2015 5:07pm
dont put stress on yourself and you really just gotta take in one day at a time, dont put a time limit on things instead write down the situation you were in when you felt scared, nervous, angry, etc. so that way you can look back and change how you reacted
June 17th, 2015 11:15am
Its a self teaching process. Many steps can guide you through this. If you are religious of any type, praying is one step. The second one, you could start doing some calming things of any sorts.
June 30th, 2015 10:27pm
Reflect on your own emotions. See what things upset you, anger you, make you happy ect. Compare those reactions to how you'd like them to be. It will take time and patience. Be kind to yourself, setbacks may happen but every step is progress and you should be proud of that.
July 13th, 2015 5:32pm
Managing your emotions is a difficult, sometimes struggle-ridden journey, but its necessary in light of attaining, maintaining, and pursuing the utmost containment, the utmost health and happiness. You must first acknowledge that such emotions, such confusions exists, that there are things that are troubling you--things standing in your way, blocking you from feeling stress-free. Next, you must allow yourself to feel these kinds of emotions, to express these emotions, to share them with those you are close with, to write them down, to sing them, to think about how they truly make you feel: GET THEM OUT. The key is to NOT BOTTLE THEM UP, that is destructive, unhealthy, and ultimately corrosive to your livelihood, to your wellbeing; one must always come to terms with his or her emotions, his or her angers, frustrations, misjudgments, confusions, anxieties, and much more; feelings so many emotions at one time is part of life, as we live in moments of glory, and moments of chaos. With this in mind, it is important and imperative to recognize these sorts of emotions, to recognize times of distress and discomfort, to recognize that you may be too overwhelmed to think clearly; the next step deals with addressing these emotions and expressing them, LETTING THEM OUT, and allowing yourself to be RELIEVED, to be CLEANSED and freed. After this point, you must take the time to move on, to keep a confident and optimistic perspective for the future; take it one step at a time and don't panic. Breathe, express, and relax.
October 26th, 2015 4:29pm
The key is knowing yourself and understanding yourself also, its all about to knowing your own mind and body.
October 27th, 2015 7:25pm
You are wondering how to learn to manage your feelings and are looking for support to do this. What brought you to your decision to progress further at this time?
December 29th, 2015 10:31am
No one is actually taught how to manage emotions. We learn eventually. Experience is the biggest teacher in our lives. Personally, whenever I try to think that I want to control my emotions, I write down whatever I am thinking. I make thought charts. The brain gets some time to think logically and thus react less. :) Hope it helps. All the best!
- Expert in Managing Emotions
June 27th, 2016 8:56am
Managing your emotions is basically to know the time and place to be emotional. You have to deal with the emotions rather than holding it back. Meaning if you feel emotional excuse yourself and go somewhere private to deal with it.
January 3rd, 2017 6:52pm
Have you ever considered relaxation breathing? You should look it up. Whenever you are feeling stressed, angry, anxious,or overwhelmed in any way, it really helps to just sit down for a few seconds and breathe deeply. I find that it sometimes helps me to calm down whenever I am feeling any strong emotion.
April 2nd, 2018 7:58pm
I feel the same, I guess you start by feeling happy, or laughing, find something that makes you feel good.