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What can I do to better manage my overwhelming sexual desires by my own without a counsellor/psychologist? How can I stop masturbating and stop watching pornography?

109 Answers
Last Updated: 04/29/2022 at 8:47pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
February 16th, 2020 1:58am
It might help to get a little game on your phone. You would play this game any time you feel like masturbating. While doing this, the feeling should pass as you are now being distracted. If this does not help, maybe try to find the root problem. Wanting to masturbate a lot can be related to some kind of depression like condition. You might be (unconsciously) trying to surrpress this root problem by the shot of dopamine. Getting rid of the root cause may resolve your masturbating problem. This could be done without a councellor or a psychologist being involved.
Anonymous
April 15th, 2020 8:36pm
It is completely healthy and normal to masturbate very so often, it can even improve health. However pornography can often cause unreal expectations and ruin real relationships. I would try to make that your motivation. Also occupying yourself with other activities can help. Try reading books, exercising, picking up a hobby like art or a sport. Also talking to someone every time you have the desire and think about if it is just because you are bored. Stress can also include your sexual drive. Managing it may make a big difference. Maybe try limiting the amount of times you do it per week as a start.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2020 5:22am
this is perfectly normal for everyone to experience, okay? everyone goes through this stage in life, so there's nothing to be ashamed of. however, if this habit of yours is getting out of hand and affecting your life, or if it's borderline illegal and creepy, then it would be a good time to stop, and it's great that you acknowledge that. stopping is really hard, I will admit that, but most people watch it because they're bored. I would suggest finding something else to occupy your time. You could find a new hobby like going for a walk or doing exercise or reading and all that. The possibilities are endless. by finding something else to occupy your free time, you will have less time to think about watching porn and gradually, those thoughts will leave your mind altogether. sure, you may experience moments of weakness and temptation and it's easy to relapse, but you are strong and you can do this!! don't fall back into the pit after you had come so far. let's get it!
Anonymous
August 15th, 2020 3:52pm
I would recommend weaning yourself off of it. Just like anything that may be classified as addiction, quitting completely and all-at-once is rarely a long-lasting, healthy solution. I would give myself parameters; define a suitable period of time in which it would be plausible for you to stop. After defining this timeframe, sit down and decide how many times per day or per week you will allow yourself to engage in this behavior. This will make the habit more manageable and less consuming/overwhelming as a whole, and from there, you will be able to decide whether less activity is still necessary. My final tip is to remain patient with yourself; this is something that many individuals struggle with, and it isn't an easy habit to curb, so give yourself time and patience, even if you mess up, recognize the progress that you have made.
mayathepapaya
September 11th, 2020 11:05pm
Firstly, please don't be ashamed, many people struggle with similar and the exact same things. A good approach would to be trying to focus that energy and those desires into something else. Maybe pick up a new hobby. You may be surprised to find how enjoyable and much more satisfying a new hobby can be. It can be anything from coding, cleaning, making music, painting, writing, acting, tending a garden, anything! When things become tough, you can even express your frustrations into your new hobby! It would be a more productive and satisfying way to spend your energy. Also, please don't feel embarassed to reach out to a professional if you are really considering it. I promise they have heard and dealt with problems like these before, they will not judge you, they are there to help you.
Lifelighter
October 2nd, 2020 10:34pm
Powerful sexual desire can be managed successfully without therapist/medical intervention. Like any addiction, there are self-help programs and materials available for use that can guide and support you in exploring and reducing the strength of forces that drive the desire. Identification of the underlying causes of the desires is central to finding ways to counteract them and enable us to learn how to control them better. We are all individual in the strength of our desires so a personally structured plan of action is required. We know ourselves better than anyone else, including the nature and strength of our needs and desires, so it makes sense to look at self help materials if we want to understand our own needs and desires more accurately, and therefore how to manage them successfully.
Anonymous
November 29th, 2020 7:34pm
I personally find it useful to realise that masturbation is never gonna bring ultimate fulfillment for me. It's like eating cookies. It gives you a good temporary feeling. And therefore is fun to experience. But if you're already feeling down it's not gonna bring you up. I don't know why you say you would wanna stop masturb*ting. I dont think theres anything wrong with that. If you're not in to that because of religious reasons I would suggest you to read more about it on the internet of other people. Maybe you will than find out God doesnt care that much about it probably. Good luck!
CalmCourage
January 13th, 2021 1:15am
I struggle with this too, I've quit watching porn for about 1 year or more now but it was tough! But it is so worth it! You have to start small and reward yourself for the little wins. I think giving up porn is what you want to focus on first. At least that's what I did. You can do this by leaving your phone or laptop somewhere that's not in your room. That way you cannot watch anything. Then you will likely want to masterbate, and that's fine as we are trying to stop the porn-watching first. The longer you go without it the more your dependency on it goes. If you go a month of doing this it will become automatic! Hope this helps. All the best!
Anonymous
February 17th, 2021 7:43pm
If your overwhelming sexual desire is persistent and is significantly negatively impacting your life, it may be time to seek the advice of a professional. However, if you feel like it is not a significantly distressing issue at this time, there are some things you can try to lessen the impact of the desire on your life. It may help to minimize your exposure to people, places, and things that encourage that desire. For instance, clear your search history and stop visiting websites that bring up the desire for you, stop going to places that make the desire come up, and stop interacting with people that encourage you to give in to the desire. If you remove yourself from these situations, you may increase your chances of successfully not engaging in the behavior you are trying to avoid.
JoshOfTheHills
February 27th, 2021 1:33pm
The best tools for managing recovery from porn addiction are a habit tracker of some type to help you see where your successes are, daily journaling, podcasts like Love People Use Things, and of course a lot of background information. Your Brain on Porn is a good resource website that will explain the science behind what you are going through. NoFap is a Reddit community dedicated to helping people in their recovery by promoting a 90-day detox plan. All of these resources won't cost you a dime. A lot of other resources exist that have a religious background, such as the Conquer Series, Victory App, books by Matt Fradd and others, and can be helpful if your beliefs coincide with theirs. They may be helpful even if you don't because of the philosophical values they draw on, but that's a determination you have to make for yourself. Good luck on your journey, and don't lose hope -- it is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but the strength is in you to do it!
Anonymous
March 20th, 2021 1:52pm
You can start by understanding the pattern of this behavior. When do you typically watch porn and masturbate? Is it when you're alone in your room? Is it when you're bored? Understanding this will help you to determine what to do so you won't fall into it the next time. For example, the next time you're bored and you notice that you start thinking about opening porn, do something different instead. The way our brain works is by following a pattern that has a reward in the end. There is a reward that you give your brain by watching porn and masturbating. You need to find something else to change that pattern.
JessMRose
April 10th, 2021 9:10pm
Replace the desire into something else that is physical too like potentially writing a blog, start being active like exercising or talking to friends.With everything in life that has been something of a habit it can take time so be patient with yourself. IT would be helpful if you can do increments of slowly decreasing the times one does the undesired activity. For example if it was happening 7 times a week then decrease to 5 times then eventually go to the 2 times a week. It is important to be patient and aware that in life things may take time.
TranquilTurns
May 8th, 2021 10:57pm
There are people out there that do not masturbate or watch pornography at all. The term for this is "nofap" and there is a community out there that supports each other with this movement, both men and women are involved in this type of movement that aim to increase self control and reduce addiction to masturbation or masturbating to pornography or watching pornography. There are also biological and mental benefits to this. Being involved with this community with be of great help and increase your awareness of your own actions regarding your topic. Control over sexual desires takes time and is a process so if you do start working on this problem, don't beat yourself up too much and know that there will be relapses and failures.
allnaturalUnicorns70
January 12th, 2022 8:40pm
Step 1 is probably to figure out what is missing in your life that makes you want to do it in the first place. For most people, it isn't just the sexual urge. It's loneliness, feeling disconnected, hiding from responsibilities or feelings that you don't want to acknowledge. When do you most often find yourself struggling with those urges? Is it when you're busy, feeling successful and in demand? Or is it when things are quiet, it feels like no one cares about you, or you're feeling tired/sick/sad? Do things to "fill your tank" of self-love and appreciation, and it may be easier for you. Staying busy and successful has few downsides. Best of luck to you!
Anonymous
January 16th, 2022 2:59pm
Sexual desires are physiological needs and may not be connected to your psychological state. Even if you try to restrict yourself, it may not be good for you and may have a negative impact on your mental health. But if you still want to curb it, you could try gradually accustoming yourself to not masturbating and watching porn. Slowly increase the time between your masturbation sessions. For example, 1 day don't, 1 day do, 2 don't, 1 do, 3 don't, 1 do, so on and so forth. Or if this is too much, 1 don't, 1 do, 1 don't, 1 do, 2 don't, 1 do, 2 don't, 1 do, so on and so forth. Hope this helps!
DavidEss
March 23rd, 2022 4:22pm
The real question here is "How can I better manage... without a sexual partner" and the answer is that it's very very difficult, if not impossible for most people. Our bodies are designed to want intimate and sexual contact, and any attempt to deprive our bodies of that will meet with real, and from time to time overwhelming, resistance. There are two outlets for this energy in my opinion: creativity and masturbation, and unfortunately they don't work completely. And depending on your cultural background, masturbation can come with a lot of guilt, although it is an entirely natural way of dealing with the excess energy, and certainly will create less problems for you than a partner chosen too quickly. It has been said that it's a mistake to go food shopping when you are hungry, and that applies to sex, but more so. Watching porn does not help in dissipating unwanted sexual energy: in fact I believe that in can warp the natural fulfilment of our sex drive within a sexual relationship. Brain scans show that in some people, the same areas of the brain light up when viewing porn, as light up in any addict when they are within reach of satisfying their addiction. It's probably too late to tell you that it's best avoided completely, but the sooner you give porn up, the sooner you will return to being able to satisfy your sexual urges in a meaningful relationship with a real human being.
EmTheHelper
April 14th, 2022 4:45pm
Anxiety grounding techniques work well for helping calm/control sexual desires. Try 5 Senses, Breathing, 3-3-3 rules, play a memory game, start categorizing your surroundings, remove yourself from the situation, and more. Just try looking up "grounding techniques for anxiety". Sexual desires are not something easy to control. But with diligence, you can help make it manageable. When trying to stop masturbating or watching pornography, making it harder to do this behaviour is helpful. Put parental blocks on your phone/computer/etc. Limit the sexual content you watch/consume on social media. Often watching porn or masturbating become a habit, and making it harder to do the behaviours can break the habit. Most of all, be kind to yourself. Change is hard, but changing sexual desires/behaviours is harder. reward yourself for the progress you make (no matter how small) and don't beat yourself up for making mistakes.
kywaaah
April 28th, 2022 3:43pm
There are various ways we can manage our overwhelming sexual desires. Distracting ourselves with other activities, such as our other hobbies that are productive can help reduce the sexual frustrations and desires that our body is demanding at the moment. Sometimes, a cold shower or bath also helps. Other times, just really encouraging yourselves to be around people, such as our friends and families help too. Being around people will make us feel conscious about doing things like these. Also, if you are religious praying for guidance can also help you stop masturbating or watching pornography. If this persists, it is often better to discuss it with a therapist.
Anonymous
April 29th, 2022 8:47pm
Assuming that you can't see someone that can help you with it at the moment, I would focus on maybe seeking support in online communities. It might sound silly, but hear me out, if you are struggling with something like that there are people out there who have gone through what you have and overcome it. I have seen a lot of them on Reddit. I think it could help you to stay on track, get some tips or just feel supported. Other than that, finding your triggers and slowly reducing the amount of porn you watch could help, maybe work out and fill your schedule so you don't have much time and energy to do it anymore, hope this help!