What should I do when my boyfriend ignores me?

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Last Updated: 12/03/2018 at 6:29am
What should I do when my boyfriend ignores me?
★ This question about Relationship Stress was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Linda Miland, MA

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have a passion to help individuals address and challenge thoughts ,feelings and lifestyle factors that are contributing to mental health issues.

Top Rated Answers
boo
July 9th, 2015 12:40pm
First give him some space, he may be having a busy day or going through something. Even after that is he ignores you, just ask him!
Anonymous
July 10th, 2015 1:13am
I have found that communication is key. When I feel ignored or neglected I try to express those feelings. I've found when I do the other person is unaware I am feeling that way and usually correct the behavior that is causing me to feel ignored.
friendlyJoy23
July 10th, 2015 6:41am
The five steps to overcoming panic attacks are: Acknowledge & Accept Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work) Actions (to make myself more comfortable) Repeat End Let's take a look at what each step entails. Acknowledge & Accept All progress starts here. This is the most important single step to overcoming panic attacks. Acknowledge Here I acknowledge the present reality, that I'm afraid and starting to panic. I won't try to ignore it, or pretend it's not there. I won't struggle to distract myself, tell myself to "stop thinking about it!", or snap any rubber bands on my wrist. I'm acknowledging simply that I am afraid, not that I am in danger. The thought that I am in danger is just another symptom of panic, not an important or useful thought. Accept Here I accept the fact that I'm afraid at this moment. I don't fight the feeling; ask God to take it away; blame myself, or anybody else. I accept, as best I can, that I'm afraid in the same way I would accept a headache. I don't like headaches, but I don't bang my head against the wall in an effort to get rid of them, because that makes them worse. Overcoming panic attacks begins with working with, not against, my panic and anxiety symptoms. How Can I Accept a Panic Attack? What makes a panic attack acceptable (not desirable, but acceptable) is that, while it feels awful and fills me with dread, it isn't dangerous. It won't kill me or make me crazy. Someone pointing a gun at me, that's not acceptable. I might get hurt or killed. If someone points a gun at me, I have to do whatever I can to change that: run, hide, fight, yell, bribe, or beg, because the consequence of being shot is so terrible that I must try to avoid it. On the other hand - a policeman giving me a ticket, even if I don't deserve it, I can live with that, and can hopefully keep my temper in check so I don't make things worse for myself. Accepting the symptoms, not resisting, is a powerful step to overcoming panic attacks. What Can a Panic Attack Do to Me? It makes me feel afraid, that's what a panic attack does. And, if I'm having a panic attack, I'm already there! I'm already experiencing the worst that will happen. I just need to ride it out. That's the surest path to overcoming panic attacks. Why should I accept a panic attack? Because the more I resist panic, the worse it gets. The more I develop the habit of acceptance, the more progress I make toward my goal of overcoming panic attacks. That's Acknowledge & Accept. How does that compare to what you usually do during a panic attack? Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work) Wait What I mean by "Wait" is this: don't just do something, stand there. It's similar to the suggestion "count to ten before you get mad". One of the hallmarks of a panic attack is that it temporarily robs you of your ability to think, remember, and concentrate. This step will buy you a little time to regain those abilities before you take any action. When you react before you have a chance to think straight, what do you do? If you're like most people, you probably flee, or struggle. You do things that actually make it worse. This is what people mean when they say things like "I know I'm doing it to myself" and the harder I try, the worse it gets. Jumping into action too quickly is a big obstacle to overcoming panic attacks. So, even though you have a powerful urge to leave, postpone that decision for a little bit. Don't tell yourself you CAN'T leave - keep that option open so you don't feel trapped - but put off the decision about whether or not to leave. Stay in the situation. You don't need to run away to get relief. Let relief come to you. Watch Use the occasion to observe how the panic works, and how you respond to it. The best way to do this is to fill out a panic diary. The diary is a questionnaire which helps you notice important aspects of a panic attack, so you can respond more effectively over time. Feel free to download and reproduce it for your own personal use. You can also download a set of instructions. My patients often report that just filling out a diary helps them to calm down. How does this work? It's not that they're distracted from the subject of panic, because the diary questions are all about panic. It helps you get a little distance from your emotions. It works because, while you complete a diary, you're in the role of an observer, rather than feeling like a victim. The best way to use the diary is to fill it out during the attack, rather than after. If you're in a situation where writing is impractical, perhaps while driving a car, you can: use a digital recorder; have your support person read the questions to you and record your answers; or pull over for a few minutes to write. What About "Work"? If you're in a relatively passive situation during the panic attack - a passenger in a vehicle, getting your hair cut, or waiting in a waiting room - "Wait & Watch" is all you need. If you're in a more active role - driving a car or giving a presentation - then you also need to attend to the "Work" of conducting that activity. Do "Wait & Watch", but also remain engaged in your task. That's "Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work)". How does that compare to what you usually do during a panic attack? Actions (to make myself more comfortable) At this point, you've already gone through the two most important steps to overcoming panic attacks. These steps, and all the steps necessary to overcome panic disorder and phobia, are covered in much more detail in my Panic Attacks Workbook. What's Your Job During an Attack? It's not your job to bring the panic attack to an end; that will happen no matter what you do. Your job now is to see if you can make yourself a little more comfortable, while you wait for the attack to end. Here are a few techniques that my patients have found particularly useful in overcoming panic attacks. Belly Breathing Regardless of what else you do, do belly breathing. It's also known as diaphragmatic breathing, but I think "belly breathing" is more descriptive. Many people think they know how to do deep breathing, but don't do it correctly, so they don't get good results. A good belly breathing technique is a very powerful tool in the work of overcoming panic attacks! How to Talk to Yourself Talk to yourself (silently!) about what is happening, and what you need to do. One question my patients find very helpful is this: is it Danger or Discomfort?. Some of the other responses my patients like include the following: 1. Fine, let's have an attack! It's a good chance to practice my coping techniques. 2. Answer your "what if...?" fears by saying "So what? I'll get afraid, then calm down again." 3. It's okay to be afraid. Get Involved in the Present People don't panic in the present. People panic when they imagine something bad happening to them in the future or in the past. This is why your panic attacks are almost always accompanied by some "what if...?" thought. If a dog just bit my leg, I don't say "what if a dogbite?". The reason you say "what if...?" is because what you fear is not actually happening! Get back into the activity you were engaged in prior to the attack, and become involved with the people and objects around you. If you're in a store, resume shopping, reading labels, comparing prices, asking questions, etc. It will move you closer to your goal of overcoming panic attacks when you bring your focus and energy back to the present environment. By this I mean, work with what is around you. Work with Your Body Identify, and relax, the parts of your body that get most tense during a panic attack. This typically involves first tensing, and then relaxing, the muscles of your jaw, neck, shoulders, back and legs. Do not allow yourself to stand rigid, muscles tensed, and holding your breath. That just makes you feel worse! If you feel like you "can't move a muscle", start with just one finger! That's "Actions (to make myself more comfortable)". How does that compare with what you usually do during a panic attack? Repeat This step is here because you might start feeling better, then feel another wave of panic. Your first reaction might then be to think "Oh No, it didn't work!". The Repeat step is here to remind you that it's OK if that happens. Just take it from the top again. It's not unusual or dangerous. You may go through several cycles, and you just need to repeat the AWARE steps again, as often as you need. How does that compare with what you usually do? End This is here to remind you that your panic attack will end; that all panic attacks end; that they end regardless of how you respond; that it's not your job to make the attack end; and that your only job is to make yourself as comfortable as possible while waiting for the attack to end. Have these statements been true for you? Don't take my word for it. Review your own history of panic attacks and see. And maybe the next time you panic, when you notice yourself thinking, once again, "Will this ever end?", you'll find yourself answering, "YES!"
MathewTheBull
July 10th, 2015 7:09am
I'm not ignoring you, I'm just waiting to see if you'll make an effort. And this is the truth sometimes.
Thebravebubble
July 10th, 2015 3:02pm
What you should do is to talk to him straight znd explain him the way you feel, and the way you would like to be treated.
butterflykisses27
July 10th, 2015 7:23pm
I would try talking to him and let him know you feel he is ignoring you. Ask him why he is ignoring you. Get your feelings out there so you can feel better about your relationship.
Haley622
July 10th, 2015 8:29pm
If your boyfriend is ignoring you, try thinking of reasons that may logically make him not be able to answer... is he at work? is he busy? is he actually ignoring you or just unable to talk? If he is ignoring you, try directly communicating that you're upset about this and ask why so that you can get to the root of what is bothering him and work towards a solution.
Mimigloss
July 11th, 2015 4:04am
Don't be clingy! Most likely if that happens, he will get angrier. If you don't know why he is angry, you can leave him one voicemail or text, or talk to him about it. If you do know why, just let him get his feelings together for a bit then try and talk!
lovNicky
July 11th, 2015 4:05am
Just ask him why am i feeling like you are ignoring me and make remember the days ,happiest moments you have lived with him
cristiana33
July 11th, 2015 12:36pm
What makes you think he is ignoring you? Are we talking about an argument you had when he decided to ignore your opinion instead of listening to your needs? Or are we talking about times when he might be busy and you feel ignored? Whatever it is, it's important to make your needs known by talking with him next time you have the chance. Communication is the key!
Pheremike
July 11th, 2015 9:57pm
Express how you feel as well as ask him why he is ignoring you. Communication is important in a relationship, but so is understanding and compromise. If we love someone, we generally do not want to take any actions that would hurt them. If he is hurting you tell him that he is, but ask him why he is doing that.
12farah21
July 11th, 2015 9:57pm
Ignore him right back. Over texting or calling him will make you come off as clingy and needy. He'll talk to you when he's ready. If it's been a while since either of you has spoken to each other, a little cute text to remind him of you might go a long way. But only just one. And don't panic if he doesn't reply.
Jasmineh2000
July 12th, 2015 8:25am
let him ignore you, if he isnt going to reply to you why waste your time trying to get a reply, when he wants you he'll message you theb you ignore him back to prove a point
Anonymous
July 13th, 2015 12:01am
Depending on the time frame where this is happening, the situation might differ. Ultimately, however, it is best to focus on yourself in a difficult time like that. We can't know how long the ignoring might be going on. You can reach out and say something like: "Hey, I haven't heard from you. It seems like you need some space, but I'd like to talk when you're ready", but don't stay glued to your phone waiting to hear a response. Distract yourself as much as you can and focus on you.
silverSound86
July 15th, 2015 1:25am
When my boyfriend ignores me, I must speak to him. When I talk to him, I must create a space where we can talk without getting angry or emotional. I must seek answers for his behaviour. When a space is created where we both can talk freely, I may find that there may be aspects in my behaviour which has resulted in him behaving this way. I can then reflect and make changes if I want to. On the other hand, it may be that he is going through a personal difficulty which he has been unable to share with me. Sharing makes him more open and can enrich our relationship. Another possibility could be that he is playing games with me and is behaving this way because of immaturity. I must then decide if he is the person that I need in my life. The choice I make must be in my favour and also communicate that I respect myself and cannot be taken for granted.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2015 3:59am
Confront him about it. He needs to know that you don't appreciate being ignored. Setting up expectations in a relationship is extremely important because it allows you to develop the relationship in the right way. However, make sure you have the right reasons for assuming he is ignoring you. If he is simply preoccupied with something else while you're trying to contact him, understand that it usually does not mean that he is trying to ignore you on purpose.
Anonymous
July 16th, 2015 3:03pm
Try meeting with him face-to-face and have a serious conversation. If he continues to ignore you after that, it may be time to break off the relationship.
HawaiianAir
July 17th, 2015 9:21pm
The best thing to do if your boyfriend ignores you is to: 1) give him some space for a bit (smothering him will make whatever is going on worse) and then 2) ask him what's going on, and let him know how it makes you feel to be ignored!
Emily619
July 18th, 2015 4:29am
If your boyfriend ignores me, you should talk to him about it and about how you feel. If he truly loves you, he will listen and care about it.
beautifulBabyCow10
July 18th, 2015 8:48pm
Sometimes it's good to have some space in a relationship. However, it is unfair to ignore the partner in the relationship. To get his attention back, it helps to be upfront.If he is ignoring your phone calls/texts maybe go to his house, find him after work.
tahleeheretohelp
July 19th, 2015 8:35pm
Bring him up about it and see what he has to say about it, he might have something going on though so be mindful and supportive. :)
interestingUnicorns12
July 22nd, 2015 3:02am
If he ignores you, I think you should have a serious talk to him. Tell him the things that bother you, have him tell you the things that bother him. Then you can both come to an understanding, and make things better for both of you.
handtohold
July 22nd, 2015 4:25pm
let him know that you're feeling a little invisible - communication and honesty is key :) it's quite likely that other things on his mind or feelings he's struggling with are causing this gap between you without him even knowing! Talk to each other and try to work things out to maintain a healthy honest relationship
Brittneym101
July 23rd, 2015 4:54pm
Well, I have been through this before, and because of what I been through.. I would advise that you give him that time, but also be cautious. In my situation my boyfriend or ex.. whatever it is that we are he was entertaining another girl. He got mad when I bought it up and let him know that I have found out about her and we got Into an argument through text messages and it wasn't pretty. He got mad because he got caught and because he didn't want any drama he chose her for now. Don't go looking for something because you're bound to find it.
PuddlesNZ
July 24th, 2015 3:07am
Perhaps give him some space. Set a time limit, a breather. Even though he's your boyfriend, sometimes we all need a little time out. Just remember, it may not be personal at all, and he may not know how to reach out. If you let him know that you're there for him if he needs you, then that's a really supportive step for you both.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2015 3:12pm
Ask him why and explain to him how this make you feels. Don't jump to conclusions, he may be going through something or there may be an explanation, give it time.
enjoyiableRiver95
July 25th, 2015 3:31am
Tell him how it makes you feel. If he still continues to ignore you, pay him no attention and start living more independently from him. Ifhe cares, he'll change. If not, then perhaps move on (ifit is a deal breaker to you).
RelaxAndChat
July 26th, 2015 3:33am
Don't Worry too much, your boyfriend is probably sorting out his feelings or maybe he is just busy, give it sometime or just talk to him about it. Generally it will work out and be Okay.
strawberryRainbows89
July 26th, 2015 1:41pm
Try to talk to him about this. You're deserved to be loved and treated well. You're worth it. You should know all of the answers. Just ask him what's going on..
Anonymous
July 30th, 2015 9:39pm
Talk to him. Make him know how you feel, the key here is to talk about your relationship issues. Maybe its only a missunderstanding maybe not, but its time to find out if its bothering you.