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What's the point of happiness if I don't want it?

135 Answers
Last Updated: 12/04/2021 at 7:04am
What's the point of happiness if I don't want it?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
November 7th, 2018 3:35pm
Do you mean to ask, "What is the point of pursuing happiness if I don't want to be happy?" That is a valid question. You may not want to experience happiness, but it's important to ask yourself what you do want to experience instead. Are you interested in helpful thoughts and emotions? Or do you only want to experience unhelpful thoughts and emotions? Do you have goals you want to achieve in your life? And if you have goals, what kinds of thoughts and emotions will help you achieve those goals? For example, if you are stuck in depression, will that prevent your from completing a project that is important to you, or from attaining success at work? If unhelpful emotions block you from living the way you want to live in your life, then it is still worth it to work on yourself to grow and expand. There are different shades of what can be interpreted as happiness. Try and define what you mean by "not wanting happiness." And if you do that, you'll better understand the point of it.
Solas
November 13th, 2018 12:15am
I remember a time when I was going thorugh a difficult patch, I was asked was I happy. I didn;t feel happy but at the same time I didn't feel unhappy. You don't have to feel happy all the time, I don't believe everyone does, but you do deserve to no feel unhappy or sad all the time. Maybe find a way to just be with yourself, no pressure to be or feel anything. At the end of the say it is your choice how you want to be in your life . Look after yourself and stay safe.
HeadUpFootDown973
December 1st, 2018 2:27pm
To remind yourself that theres bigger things then ourselves out there and being miserable makes our surroundings miserable and that isnt fair to do to everyone. Even if we arent personally happy in our day to dsy work, home, oersonal lives doesnt mean we shouldnt at least try to put a dmile on before we set out to face our day and the world. Smiles are contagious as are frowns and bad moods, always remember that. Our own bad mood or unhappiness is our own and should be a private matter, putting a smile on shows you how brave you are and that happy can be yours too.
whoisabree13
December 26th, 2018 8:33am
That's the unfortunate thing, isn't it? You don't believe that you deserve happiness or any decent quality in life because of the bad in this world and the experiences that are placed upon you. Some people resist happiness because they've never experienced it or were given it properly and with that, it means it's harder to break their shells. Ask yourselves this: what's the point of the world if we didn't ask to be created or formed? Life stops for no one. The sun burns and the moon shines, and whether you're happy or not, you're still existing. With or without question, there are things that can make you happy. Happiness is not something that's a direct demand, it's not forced. It's just there and it happens naturally, without effort, when you least expect it.
ingeniousPeace79
January 2nd, 2019 9:59am
Well, It's just a word after all. What does it mean to you? Or what does it mean to people around you? In my dictionary, happiness is a state of meaning, which involves sharp awareness, You are present there, observe very closely, and everything is balancing continuously, naturally. But to majority of people, this state is "boring" :D What people mean by happiness is usually dopamine release, excess of it. Basically that elation they feel when they use any drugs, or when they give into their addictions (food, sex, etc) Craving satisfied, basically it's mistaken for happiness. To my mind, both states are useful, state of elation, and state of depression. Also, their excess is bad, including excessive elation. To me it's about balance, that's the best state. But requires a deeper understanding, to find meaning in that state. This balanced state is the state where You as a Person have most control. Most creative. Easiest way to achieve any goals you might have. Elation and depression are just telling how you are doing, in achieving a goal. Even if the goal is to have 0 goals :D It's still a goal.
sunflower0321
March 10th, 2019 5:17pm
Because you were made for more. You are precious, and deserving or happiness. You may not realize or appreciate your worth in this season of your life, but there is goodness in store for you. There is happiness waiting for you - all you have to do is let it in. All it takes is that one “yes” and goodness and beauty and happiness will flood into your life. You are deserving of love and happiness. Never forget that. I’m here for you, and I believe in every fiber of my being that you are loved, just as you are. I want a better life for you, and I hope you do too. You deserve it.
inspades
May 15th, 2019 2:42am
If you find yourself not wanting "positive" things like happiness, peace, contentment, etc. then you are unable to accept something about your life or life itself. Seeking the positive things in life that other people seek would be a type of acceptance or conformity to a life which you find unacceptable. So in your current state, happiness doesn't seem appealing or even possible. While you may not want happiness right now, you still want some kind relief from your suffering. In your state, the first step to some kind of relief is a basic acceptance of your thoughts and feelings as they are. Acceptance can be difficult and scary but at least it isn't complicated. All that's needed is willingness. Acceptance happens through a gradual process of willingly or deliberately paying attention to your thoughts and emotions as they are right now. Writing about your feelings or talking to someone about them can help.
shriyaraj
June 2nd, 2019 11:10pm
Happiness is a choice and we can choose to be happy with what we have or we can just be unhappy even if we don't have any thing. We only have one life, why not spend it with happiness and leave instead if dying grumpy? I don't think anyone deserves that. Holding grudges, crying over spilt milk, holding on to past bitter experiences is not a wise thing to do, because we are only hurting ourselves and no one else. No one knows are cares about these and you are not going to talk about them all the time so why hold it inside your heart? Just let it go and be happy.....
heavenForest58
July 3rd, 2019 1:43pm
Everyone has a different version of happiness. Unfortunately, mass media and social networks tell people what happiness is (or rather should be) and that is where the confusion begins. Happiness to me is not going to the club and spending a lot of money to “make it rain” or show people I have money or flirt with 3 different girls who all have fake boobs and daddy issues. Nor is happiness going shopping and spending away all your troubles. These are versions of happiness being sold to vulnerable people for reasons of consumerism, among other factors, none of which have to do with actually being happy. My advice is to ignore what you think makes other people happy, because most people have no idea what makes them happy. Concentrate on the things in life that give you peace or comfort, even if it is something dark or might seem strange to other people. Happiness is being at peace within yourself, and should never have to do with anything from the outside world, especially material items. I disagree with your question that you don’t want happiness. Everyone searches for happiness, it just has to come from within and be your own version of it.
Anonymous
October 13th, 2019 12:18am
If you're happy, you'll likely smile a lot more often. Dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are released into your bloodstream when you smile, this makes you feel better within yourself, makes you more relaxed which can lower your heart rate and blood pressure, smiling is actually beneficial for you physical health too! Laughing can reduce levels of cortisol, the stress hormone and can give a quick burst of energy! The neurotransmitters which are released when you're happy are natural pain relievers, thus helping boost your immune system and helping you feel a lot more comfortable as it protects you from aches and pains. You will feel a lot better within yourself mentally but also physically, along with this, you'll likely feel more confident as well as having more energy and will be able to do more activities so you could make more friends too!
Rose1930
October 13th, 2019 4:43pm
It's hard to label a specific point to happiness, because usually I'd think of happiness as being a part of the point of life. And sometimes though, you may not think you want it. And there can be various reasons for this. I know sometimes I don't think I want it, just because it seems like it'd be so much effort to get there, and I've become comfortable being sad, almost where I like it in a sense. And I'm just so tired, where there doesn't seem to be a point to anything. But then once I experience happiness, everything seems so much better and the bad feelings go for a little bit for something good, and in the moment, it's right. So even if you don't think you want it, I think the point is that it's part of what makes you live.
Mat
November 15th, 2019 12:01pm
Jules Renard famously wrote in his Journal: "I have experienced happiness, but that's not what made me happiest". There are many paths to self accomplishment (however we choose to name it), each individual needs to find their own. "Happiness" can be heard in different ways. For some, it might sound selfish, and they wouldn't be willing to consider it as a goal, others might see it as a first step, required in order to help others and in order to spread around them positive energy. One may consider happiness to be a default setting when it comes to life goals: it is anything but that.
Anonymous
February 7th, 2020 5:12pm
You may not want happiness because you have never felt it or because you are scared about having it and then losing it again. If you knew that you could always have happiness, would you want it? If you answered yes, than you should know that happiness is worth fighting for but that happiness doesn't mean you won't have troubles along the way. Happiness is a state of mind and has nothing to do with the conditions of our lives. Happiness will come as you find a "why" for living. When you put your whole heart into helping other people in any capacity, you will feel happiness start to creep into your life and it will be so wonderful that you will never want to look back!
ElephantTiger1
February 9th, 2020 6:22am
When we are in a difficult place and maybe we have been sad or down for a long time, this place can begin to feel really comfortable. This place is something we know well, we know it inside and out. But when we think of happiness, it can feel so far off and maybe you are not comfortable with its unpredictability. Maybe you are afraid that if you allow yourself to truly be happy, then something bad will happen and you will go back to this familiar sad place, I don't know. But what I have learnt is that if you cannot be happy, that is okay, but I try to be joyful every day. You may question how different happiness and joy really are. Well, I feel like happiness is a state of joy, yes, but where you are not as pressured by life and an emotion to our situation. Joy on the other-hand, I feel is a choice. You can choose to be joyful even if you feel like your world is crumbling under your feet. You can choose to look at the day with a joyous and grateful heart, aware that bad things may happen, but choosing to enjoy every moment of good, and search for the good, even amidst the bad. So maybe today, don't aim for happiness (though is you can, do it) maybe find a contentment in life; learn to become neutral of your life. You cannot just wake up one day and be happy with everything and who you are, it is a progress. Before we can be happy we need to not be sad, or down, we need to become content. And may I ask that you keep a gratitude journey and enter into every day, even if what you are thankful feels small. And when a bad day hits, read over it and see everything in your life that is good and that does bring you happiness. You may find that happiness isn't as far away as you once thought. Never be afraid to reach out, I am here for you. Best of luck.
supportiveDreamer61
March 1st, 2020 3:18pm
You do want it, but you're too stuck in your depression to see it. You still love your demons. You probably want something to complain about. You probably see no solution to anything. You probably don't want help. You probably don't want help so you can give up and give into your demons. You probably tend to see things as black and white. Consequently, these is known as all or nothing thinking. The world is a beautiful place if you choose to see it. Think positive thoughts instead of negative ones. See the world as a positive place. Good luck.
Anonymous
March 22nd, 2020 5:08am
It's a very tough question and i have never seen something like this :O. I started thinking. I want to ask you this question so that may be you will think in these lines. What's the point of only being sad? Why don't you want both happiness and sadness? We all want to be content with what we have and it's important we feel peaceful with what we have and what we do. Mentally our brain releases certain hormones based on the feelings we get and it's important that you find some joy or life in things. So ask the same question in different way to see what stops you from not wanting to feel sadness and happiness? Or is there any-other emotion you want to feel?
Anonymous
April 5th, 2020 2:08am
You may feel you don’t want it, but you need it. Everyone needs happiness to go through life and thrive. The point of happiness is to feel like you belong, the point of happiness is to have a purpose in life and everyone deserves it. No body says they want happiness, but everyone deserves it. Happiness may be a feeling, a person or even a place but once you truly feel happiness, you won’t see that you want it, you will see that it makes your life better and that you were missing out all this time. You deserve happiness, whether you want it or not.
snowingdaisies
April 9th, 2020 6:47pm
Happiness is a such a great feeling. Out of all the wide range of emotions this one brings joy. It is a feeling many people strive for all their life to achieve. Everyone has different ideas and concepts of what their happiness is. I think any thoughts of not wanting to feel such great things stems from the fear of it being taken away as life is uncertain. I think some people would rather avoid feeling happy because to have felt it and then suddenly be striped of it causes devastation. But I believe that it's best to accept to have felt happy and accept that feelings are fleeting and even fluctuate.
generousTurtle9108
April 11th, 2020 5:07pm
Even if you feel that happiness is not am emotion that is something you want or deserve or need now, it CAN be helpful for people to know that having access to a wide range of emotions can be a healthy part of a "emotional diet." Every emotion, no matter how painful, has a purpose, and happiness is no different. Happiness may not be something that you think you want now, but you might in the future. It is difficult to sustain yourself on only a diet of one or two emotions. Being able to experience a wide range of emotions can put you in touch with aspects of yourself that you didn't think were possible.
Anonymous
April 19th, 2020 3:46pm
The point of happiness is to show you that life can be good sometimes! You will learn to appreciate those happy times even if they don't happen often. You deserve to be happy! Happiness is something you can choose to embrace and live out. Sometimes happy things can happen during times when we don't feel like we deserve because of our situation. However, happiness is a blessing and can make our situation feel a little brighter. Happiness is part of us and cannot be singled out altogether, it happens to people when they reach their goals or have a fun time. It can be periodic or continuous but either way, it helps people understand that we should appreciate life because we deserve to.
Ssolis97
April 25th, 2020 5:06pm
Happiness is a good thing that laugh and smile that makes your check hurt is the best feeling especially when you around the people you care and love. How would you not want it? If you want to feel happiness you’ll just feel horrible and alone and no one likes feeling that way. Being a happy person is always god because sometimes it’ll bring a smile to someone’s face & make their day if they are feeling down. There’s so much to life and outside to make you smile. Find someone you feel comfortable with and laugh and smile as much and hard as you can.
BrianP843
May 14th, 2020 10:25pm
I understand that feeling. Is there something that makes you not want happiness? Is there something inside you, perhaps a feeling, that is causing you to not want it? Some might not seek happiness because they don’t think they deserve it. I’ve felt like I don’t deserve to be happy at all many times. There was a set of feelings attached to why I felt this way. Is there anything you feel you need to resolve? Perhaps professional help could help you to find and understand these feelings better. Sometimes it’s really hard for ourselves to see what is bothering us at the core.
Ditea
June 18th, 2020 1:02am
Everyone wants happiness in different ways. Maybe you're just not sure about what exactly your definition of happiness really is. We all have different ways of looking at it and it really does matter eventually when you need to have any sort of purpose to hold on to as it gives us some meaning sometimes. Trying to figure out what really makes you happy is probably the real question here. Maybe unexpected things you don't notice much or are unaware of make you feel happy. It's up to you to decide what that is and if you really want to work for that.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2020 11:55am
In my view, life isn't all about happiness. Happiness, the same with any emotion, is temporary. It's unrealistic to expect anyone to feel happy all the time, and if that is your choice then that is a personal one that you have control over and that's completely fine. The point of happiness, again like any emotion, is there to inform ourselves what we like, dislike and wish to avoid. Happiness is the brain's way of telling us we like something, whereas sadness or anger for example tell us there is something we dislike about the situation. There's no wrong or right emotions to feel, so long you feel they are not interfering with your overall well-being and everyday activities. If they are, consider perhaps why you don't want happiness in your life, and if there is any other underlying emotions making you feel like that.
MisterMemorable
July 16th, 2020 6:36am
To enjoy life, extend your lifespan, find meaning, make others happy, be healthier, look more attractive, be more likable, avoid depression, to feel emotions... A lot of what is great about life disappears if you are never happy. People won't want to be around you if you are unhappy, and those who are around you will be brought down by your sadness. This leads me to ask another question: What is the point of life if you are never happy? Why achieve anything if you get no satisfaction from it? I have a hard time understanding why someone would never want to be happy, unless you feel like you don't deserve to be happy- and I would have to disagree on that.
Anonymous
July 18th, 2020 8:40am
Just because happiness does not seem to have a utilitarian value, does not mean you must strip off all value from it. Happiness is a feeling in the mind. Just like sadness and sorrow. Both are fleeting. This acceptance helps us transcend both. Every action has bliss as the goal; every action is prompted by an un-worded aspiration for unconditional happiness - better called joy. Yet, in the world, happiness although present, isn't often appreciated enough. It is fleeting. When properly understood, happiness leads to contentment and contentment brings abiding peace and joy in all our lives. Take my word for it.
ccsquared17
July 23rd, 2020 6:51pm
I think that that happiness is a very important thing in our lives. Not just my life, your life, but everyone else's lives in the community. This is because every life is linked to another, and happiness can spread like a wave which is why your personality traits not only affect yourself, but also others. Moreover, I think—no, I believe—that we should all try to be as happy as we can because we should care about other individuals. Oftentimes, entire communities are in bad, stressed, or depressed moods because some important people are. A country can feel like they will lose a war if the government says so.
Anonymous
July 29th, 2020 2:34pm
Happiness can be hard to achieve but it is achievable as long as you try your hardest you can find happiness. Never forget that it is okay to ask ask for help as well to achieve said happiness you don’t always have to go it alone. We all want happiness even if we think we don’t but the journey can seems to hard and can cause us to want to give up but you should never give up on yourself or your happiness I promise you will find it one day. When you find your happiness be sure to never let it go.
isaguzn90
August 9th, 2020 1:05pm
In my experience if you don't want happiness is either because you are in a crisis of some sort, or you are defining happiness in a way that is not attractive to you. If is the former case, then I can relate to the feeling. However, you should not forget that everything changes in life, there are periods (either short or long) in life when we are not in emotional balance but there are other periods where we feel, I wouldn't way whole but something in that direction. In those moments, where you actually see the sun shining then happiness is closer to you, even with you. Happiness is just going to arrive either you want it or not at some point in your life.
mxds118
August 23rd, 2020 7:06pm
you know yourself best. why do you think you don't want happiness? in my experience the only time I didn't want happiness was when I was severely depressed and I was so used to being sad for so long that the thought of being happy was scary to me. I found comfort in my sadness but in my own opinion that's not a way to live. you know yourself best so if not happiness then what do you want from life? many people want happiness over many other things so what Is that you want in life that you hold above happiness.