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What's the point of happiness if I don't want it?

135 Answers
Last Updated: 12/04/2021 at 7:04am
What's the point of happiness if I don't want it?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.

Top Rated Answers
familyfirst1
August 26th, 2020 1:43pm
The nature of Happiness is that it prevails irrespective of us wanting it or not. The default design of us humans is to seek happiness and often we associate it with several sources around us. Just the thought of 'want' is also associated with happiness. The idea of don't wanting it is only existent till we stop experiencing it. What would be the state when one does not want it and stops experiencing it as well. The feeling of fulfillment of that specific want can also cause happiness. This default design of happiness prevailing in us also gets transmitted to whom we love and to those who love us. The point of happiness is to transmit this feeling and fulfillment and the smiles in the hearts and mind of people we love.
creativeKermit5151
August 26th, 2020 11:51pm
I think there are multiple ways to think about what the goal of life is - if you define happiness as overall wellbeing, I think that most people probably want that. But if you define happiness more in terms of a specific emotion that you feel in a given moment, I think it's okay to say you don't want to feel "happy" all of the time. Most of us don't, and I think accepting the full range of emotions we are going to feel is a part of holistic wellbeing. Experiencing this range of emotions over the course of our lives - including happiness, sadness, frustration and everything in between - is also a part of being able to empathize with others, which is itself an important source of our overall life satisfaction.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2020 10:30pm
I think it's OK not to want something just because everyone else is talking about it. This is especially true with abstract concepts like happiness, when other peoples' definitions might not suit you. In my experience, I've found more fulfillment in aiming for meaning. By asking myself questions like, "what is meaningful to me?" or "how can I create meaning for others?" I have created a life that is interesting enough to me that I'm less concerned about attaining happiness per se. Many creative people throughout history have channelled their negative experiences and emotions through their art. But you don't need to be an accomplished artists to do that - all you have to do is find a way to express yourself.
delightfulNutella2454
September 18th, 2020 10:59pm
Congratulations for crossing the first hurdle on the way of becoming successful if happiness is not what you need. Trust me! People blindly run after happiness thinking it's success when it's actually the opposite. I would sound logical with this example, a person wants to have a fit body, say for that he/she has to exercise. He exercises one day and gets a back ache. The other day he is not willing to do the exercise and if he does, he would go against his body which would later on give him intense pain and his happiness will be all gone. So now what came in between the person and his goal attain a good figure? His happiness, isn't it? So if you don't want happiness that's okay! Nothing to be stressed about!!
Magicalmoongirl
November 20th, 2020 6:39pm
Happiness is a very subjective matter. I for myself find the ultimate truth or knowledge of life more important in life. It is completely okay if you don't find a need for it yourself. Happiness is hard to seek for because you can't promise it to yourself from anything. Happiness could mean something different for you than the meaning of the presence of pleasure and the absence of pain for you. You could maybe get a sense of gratification from giving a "happiness" to others. You are entitled to seek what you want in life and if the idea of happiness isn't one you are welcome to focus on other things. You could apply yourself to the philosophy of deontology where you don't focus on the happiness as the outcome of situations but you just focus on your own sense of duty in life and your moral obligations for others.
WeAreUnified
December 10th, 2020 10:24pm
Happiness and utter contentment (desire-lessness) is your natural state, the thing is most of us don't realise and experience this because of the belief and conviction in the idea we believe ourselves to be (ego). The ego is a mental construct derived from our past conditioning, strongly held beliefs, programming, experiences and reinforcement from others etc. The "I" you're referring to in this case is the idea you have of who you are, not what you truly are which is timeless and boundless awareness, untroubled by the mind, emotions or events/circumstances in the outer world. Only the idea of who we are "suffers", although it can feel very very real.
Anonymous
April 18th, 2021 5:21pm
The most fascinating thing about happiness is that it will somehow reach you, even if you don't want it. Things around you, be it small or big, has the possibility of bringing a smile in your face. There can never be a person in this world who says that he doesn't want happiness. Even looking at the sun rising in the sky, or a bud blossoming may create a sense of satisfaction in you. This satisfaction is nothing but HAPPINESS. The point is nobody should go in search of happiness, when looking deep down inside yourself, you may find unconditioned happiness. But like all things in this world, happiness is not permanent. When one form of happiness departs, we have to patiently wait for another form of happiness, which may be bigger than the previous one. So, Fill your life with positivity and happiness.
Anonymous
May 1st, 2021 10:54pm
Happiness is an emotion, not a state of being. It's not an emotion anyone should expect to feel at all times. We are humans. We feel sad sometimes. We feel scared sometimes. And we feel happy sometimes. Even if you don't want happiness right now, that's ok. Don't worry so much. It is not an "all or nothing", or a "now or never" situation, even if it might seem like it at times. If you allow yourself the possibility of feeling happiness, just like you can allow yourself the possibility of feeling other emotions, the more chances you get to find out how to deal with them in the most healthy way possible.
Anonymous
May 9th, 2021 12:59pm
The most fascinating thing about happiness is that it will somehow reach you, even if you don't want it. Things around you, be it small or big, has the possibility of bringing a smile in your face. There can never be a person in this world who says that he doesn't want happiness. Even looking at the sun rising in the sky, or a bud blossoming may create a sense of satisfaction in you. This satisfaction is nothing but HAPPINESS. The point is nobody should go in search of happiness, when looking deep down inside yourself, you may find unconditioned happiness. But like all things in this world, happiness is not permanent. When one form of happiness departs, we have to patiently wait for another form of happiness, which may be bigger than the previous one. So, Fill your life with positivity and happiness.
PieceoftheUniverse
July 9th, 2021 11:29am
Maybe it's a great thing to consider why you don't want happiness... Don't you think you deserve it?!! I believe everyone deserves happiness... If you don't want it I might suggest a blockage. This could be brought on by a traumatising youth or childhood where your parents or caregivers didn't mirror you that you're deserving of happiness... Maybe even that depression is the way live. It would be great to search with a therapist what's behind those blockages... I wish you good luck and hope that you consider if the fact that you say you don't want happiness... Might be a depression, you can talk with a therapist about it. With greetings and love, Sara
olivia5611
July 22nd, 2021 7:36pm
Everyone should want (and keep in mind DESERVES) happiness. I would describe it as something that holds us all together as a community, family, friends etc. If you really don't want to be happy, you have to ask yourself.. why? Why do you think you don't deserve it? Self forgivness can be crucial when you are at this low point in your life. Whatatever you think you did, you have to be able to forgive youself and move on, let go. Look towards a better future instead of the past. I think based on this question that you are keeping yourself trapped in a metaphorical box, when you have the key.
ikigailife
July 30th, 2021 5:07pm
How do you define your happiness? Because happiness is an emotion arising from the happenings of life, something that you did, or someone else did for you. So is it the reasons that produce happiness that you don't want or is it still happiness for you? Maybe if you look at things this way, you might find that, it really isn't happiness that you don't want but something else that has you questioning the point of your happiness. Break down what makes happiness for you and what breaks it for you. A list would makes things easier. Or maybe even identifying the patterns that are making you question happiness.
quercusilex
September 9th, 2021 9:42am
Happiness, as all the other universal emotions, exists because there is an adaptive function out of it. When we feel happy we are able to acknowledge that this same behavior, if repeated through time, can result in positive consequences. Not wanting happiness is valid, as well, because sometimes experiencing other emotions is more adaptive. For instance, experiencing grief at some point can let us pause and think about alternative ways to manage problems. In any case, there are a million ways to reach happiness. Reading a book, watching a TV series, hanging out with friends or doing a puzzle. It is completely up to you! What's your decision then?
Anonymous
October 2nd, 2021 2:20pm
It is okay not to look for happiness. Some would say it is not a meaningful endeavor, since once you reach it, you only want more. Some would say that happiness begets stagnation and there is no point in trying to get it. Maybe there is a different way of looking at happiness. What about if happiness was just moving away from suffering, or easing your suffering. There is a lot to be said for accepting whatever is bringing us pain and working to move to a more pleasing or satisfying outcome. This allows our motivation to flourish, always moving toward bigger and better things. What is an interpretation of happiness you could find meaning in?
Anonymous
December 4th, 2021 7:04am
I find a lot of people put themselves in a box with what they’re comfortable with- it’s only natural. Therefore, when someone begins to feel comfortable in a negative state, it can be very hard to want something that they feel is foreign to them. However, happiness is not something that can be gauged by the outside eye. It has to be felt; lived, experienced— and once it is, it’s so much easier to grow to want it. To yearn for it, even. The mind looks for what it wants to see. If you allow yourself to go out of your comfort zone and put yourself in more positive situations, slowly your mind will learn to adapt to it, and crave it, even. Happiness can be hard to come by in a state where you are comfortable without it. However, if you push yourself out of that comfort zone now and then…. You won’t regret it. Things will become a lot easier, I promise.