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Why do I always negatively exert my emotions on friends?

11 Answers
Last Updated: 08/02/2016 at 5:35am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
Goddessdivinesublime4
March 3rd, 2015 4:08am
It is common for one to vent their frustrations on those that care for them most because they know those people care for them sincerely and will ultimately forgive them. One thinks they do not face dire consequences by lashing out at them because their friends are understanding of their nature. Still when you unhealthily unleash your emotions in this sense you are not only harming yourself now but others as well. Sometimes one also lashes out at their friends because they feel they don't deserve their friends care. This is also a common act of self sabotage as well but also another way to harms others unintentionally through unhealthy care with emotions. It is very important to find ways to work through emotions in a secure and nonthreatening setting. It prevents so many complications and harm. Meditation is a great temporary solution to help release overwhelming emotions.
coffeeok2
May 27th, 2015 4:44pm
Generally, when you're with your friends, you feel safe or more vulnerable. You're defenses are lowered. Which means, if you're having a lot of big, negative emotions, and it's challenging for you to control them, those emotions can be messy and spray onto whoever is closest to you, like spaghetti sauce that sits too long in the microwave.
AbstractAbby
July 6th, 2015 2:59am
I find that this happens to me often. When I get extremely distressed or panicked, I tend to lash out on whoever is closest. And the people who are closest are usually my friends. I find that with strangers, I can sometimes hide how I am feeling since I know that there are certain ways that I am supposed to act around strangers. But with my friends, I'm more open. I don't hide my feelings, and, as a result, it's more likely that I'll lash out at them.
pinkSummer4582
July 20th, 2015 4:56pm
Because sometimes you just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. When loss occurs, it is normal to behave negatively. Eventually after the complaining there will be acceptance. And in a quiet moment, you might even realise what you have not been seeing.
cristiana33
July 30th, 2015 9:47am
We tend to express a lot worse to the one close to us, because in society we constantly try to improve or hide our true emotions in order to protect ourselves. Expressing a lot of negativity can be a sign you are stressed and need support. If they can't understand, they are probably hurt. Try to explore why you feel how you feel and try to tell them you need their help. It's not shame in asking for help.
kindRose22
September 22nd, 2015 7:47pm
usually people are not mad at the person or thing they take they're emotions out on usually its a build up of emotion until they can't take it anymore and they just burst on the person or thing that's closest
Zephryn
November 9th, 2015 3:19pm
Sometimes it is easiest to take negative emotions out on friends because of our comfort level with that person. It is okay to have negative emotions and choosing to lean on friends to open up too at times. Learning to identify the emotions and the trigger of these negative emotions can help with better understanding these emotions and what causes them. Finally, expressing these identified emotions with friends will be therapeutic and a growth process for everyone involved.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2015 6:45pm
Because you feel them that you have complete right on them and they arethe people who never gonna leave you
Anonymous
December 14th, 2015 1:36am
Sometimes I feel like, since they're my friends, it's their job to deal with my struggles, and I assume that they can handle it.
SympathySymphony
February 8th, 2016 9:13pm
In my own personal experience, I have done this accidentally many times in the past. Sometimes, If you bottle your emotions too much, you end up accidentally spilling some out but in a negative way. It all comes from the stress. Once I opened up willingly and let out all of my emotions and stress and vented, I no longer felt the urge to exert such emotions on my close ones. Another thing was is that I suppose I was upset that they didn't help and didn't care to notice and ask, but it takes 2 to help. One to talk and One to listen. They can't listen to one who won't talk after all!
Anonymous
August 2nd, 2016 5:35am
Because you are comfortable and you trust your friends. No matter what you do they will always be there for you.