Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?

125 Answers
Last Updated: 04/08/2021 at 6:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jackie Dross, M.S. Community Counseling


I have a passion for working with people from a non-judgmental, strengths based approach to meet their goals for personal growth.

Top Rated Answers
November 20th, 2017 7:41am
Because the grass is alays greener on the other side. You don't know what happens behind closed doors, water and nurture your grass before bringing it to competition.
December 22nd, 2017 11:11pm
The relationship may still be a large part of your life, whether you realise it or not. That's the main reason any of us bring things up.
December 30th, 2017 5:44am
You see traits in everyone. From my point of view you have seen these traits before from the bad relationship so when you see it in other people it reminds you of that.
January 7th, 2018 12:21pm
We are social creatures and hardwired to compare our situation against our perception of how other people are functioning. Since finding a compatible partner is a fundamental driving force in life we tend to think and worry about this aspect of our lives a great deal. That inevitably leads to comparisons.
January 10th, 2018 4:05am
You may compare everyone to your bad relationship is because you may not want the same situation happen between you and someone else anymore so you compare them and avoid them at times.
January 14th, 2018 10:04am
This is very natural, at some point or the other we all face it. Its like once heart broken or our trust is broken our mind is trying to protect us from same kind of hurtful feelings happen again. Things become alright by and by so don't be hard on yourself.
January 26th, 2018 5:03am
Possibly out of fear of the same events reoccurring in your life. Not everyone is going to be that person who hurt you. Stay guarded but don't forget not everyone wants to hurt you.
February 21st, 2018 7:02pm
This is actually really common. People tend to compare others to a bad relationship so that they might prepare themselves if those other relationships might go the same way. It is not healthy to compare everyone to bad relationships as they are not the same as that "bad" in your relationship. It is normal to be cautious, but not healthy to let it rule you.
February 22nd, 2018 9:13am
You do this because you know people that remind you of your relationship and it makes you feel worse.
February 28th, 2018 9:16pm
You were hurt and upset after that relationship and I'm guessing you started questioning everything I've been through it too but it will get better and you'll slowly stop comparing them.
March 1st, 2018 2:04am
You could possibly be afraid to go through a bad break-up again and may try to compare current relationships to prevent it from happening again.
March 8th, 2018 5:18am
Probably because you want to know if there are others who are going through the same bad relationship. But actually you don't have to compare, if you already know that you are in a bad relationship, then you should start doing something about it and you can also use the comparison you've used in order to take notes on how to improve your relationship or if u found others who are on the same page, you can also ask for suggestions.
March 8th, 2018 1:18pm
You must not compare yourself or your relationship with anyone. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. In comparing you are making your assumptions about your relationship even worse. You must first find out why you think your relationship is so bad and then find ways to make it heathy.
March 11th, 2018 7:50am
You compare them because you think of the worst in the situation, it’s like you’re getting ready for the worst possible outcome. It’s a way to cope when you’ve been through a difficult time.
April 11th, 2018 9:43pm
Searching for happiness could be done in other relationships, but it's not the correct thing since everyone is different and every relationship is defferent
April 13th, 2018 11:47am
You may compare everyone to your previous bad relationship because this relationship had a lasting impact on you and this can effect your judgements and ideas of people.
April 15th, 2018 11:51am
When you experience a bad relationship and you do not deal with the issues that made it bad, the same issues will repeat in your next relationship, guaranteed. That is just how this universe works. To avoid this, deal with the inner issues that the past relationship triggered within you so that you can stop "attracting" other people over and over who trigger them.
April 25th, 2018 2:31pm
Bad is commonly associated with fear. Therefore, every time you meet someone new, you are scared of having an as bad experience as your bad relationship.
April 27th, 2018 8:07pm
Cause maybe that’s what you think you deserve. So when someone you treats you like you are worth everything you don’t believe it.
May 2nd, 2018 5:58am
Maybe it could be because you are feeling all of this uncomfortable feelings when you are with your partner when you have disagreements or whatever it is that you are going thru, and it makes you want to do something about it. Maybe you are evaluating other people's relationships so you can figure out a way to change your own relationship
May 13th, 2018 10:34am
Sometimes a bad experience can set the standard for all future relationships because you just can't get out of that cycle. But forgetting that relationship completely and blocking it out is the first step. Focus on the relationship and person you're with at the time, first and foremost.
May 27th, 2018 3:50am
Most people compare new relationship to old relationship because you don't want to be hurt again. If you're falling for this new person. It's as if something switches on your mind to check , double check, and triple check . That this one won't hurt you like the last.
June 1st, 2018 9:42am
You are traumatised by your past experience. Whenever you are remotely happy, you compare because you are scared of getting hurt. So,you compare so that In the early stages only,you can terminate and run away.
June 2nd, 2018 12:07am
Relationships can be complicated but something to help that is talking with someone about it or doing something that makes you happy or the thing that helps most is talking it out with your partner.
June 24th, 2018 9:19am
It seems that this past love has put a roadblock in the path of future relationships. In fact, two people coming together creates a new dynamic that has never been seen before, and could never be replicated again.
June 30th, 2018 3:32pm
you need to figure it out for yourself. If you are really happy in the relationship you are in now.
July 18th, 2018 3:22am
Sometimes bad relationships can weigh a person down making them think that there is no hope for happiness. When that happens, they tend to think more about the bad relationship then they do moving on.
August 3rd, 2018 2:32pm
Probably because the relationship you are currently in is not fulfilling.Some of your desires didn't come true
October 10th, 2018 2:40pm
Comparing is something that happens naturally, because it doesn't require much effort. You know your bad relationship very intimately, so you've got something to go off of. In a business what you're doing would be smart--you would look at past metrics for sales, for instance, and see how new sales relate to those metrics. The past might give you an indication of the future. Of course, it also might not, even in a business. It almost certainly doesn't in relationships, because the human experience and individual humans are so different in so many incomprehensible ways. Even if you see similar patterns, they might be for different reasons, and those different reasons might mean they can be addressed or that their motives are different, which matters. There is a saying that "comparison is the thief of joy," so be careful about what you are comparing. And remember that quite often you are comparing your behind-the-scenes life to everyone else's highlight reel. Basically, comparing is the easiest way to get a feel for something, but it isn't often the smartest or the fairest.
December 6th, 2018 9:23am
Try to reframe your question. Do you have other relationships than bad one? If yes, ask yourself why they were different. If no, your comapison is natural. You are trying to evolve in your personal life and that's the reason of comparison. Try to ask your partner, especially ex-one, why they were bad. Believe, you will discover many insights for improvement of your personal life. We are all carrying our bad experience from the childhood to late adult ages just for sake of not changing any of our traditional bahavior. Any step aside is "gangerous" just because we haven't ever try to do so.