Why do I compare everyone to my bad relationship?

We can challenge our perspective to see this comparison with other eyes. How? With a question. What if you're not just comparing, but you're actually perceiving what qualities are lacking in your own relationship? If we unravel the meaning of comparison, you arrive to the conclusion that you're just discerning with your natural intuition whatever is lacking in your life. Despite knowing that comparisons do not always involve something intuitive that is positive, in this case, you even state that you're in a bad relationship, which confirms that you're just aware of what you deserve. Discernment and awareness can come from understanding what qualities you perceive in the world that are not being manifested in your life. This is the heart of true comparison.

Your previous, bad relationship had a large impact on you. It is hard to completely let that go and move forward, but part of processing what happened and what you went through is in that comparison. You are still hurting, potentially. And, a comparison is a big part of how we communicate and share experiences. Even if we don't altogether want to see similarities between a and b, they present themselves, anyway. The farther from the bad relationship you get, and the healthier relationships and development that you gain, the less this comparison will happen in the future. You just have to give it some time.

Sometimes we compare other people to our bad relationships because we are afraid that entering a new relationship will result in similar negative outcomes. We compare one situation to another as a coping/defense mechanism. We put up our defenses so we don't risk getting hurt. In our mission to avoid the risk that we may get hurt again, we miss out on the chance that something could be amazing. It's easiest to fit other people into our previously experienced molds of people. It takes more work to truly develop the mentality that each person is an individual and having one relationship that doesn't work out is not predictive of having another relationship that ends the same way.

Sometimes when you've had ban relationships, you have trust issues and get scared with new people. Sometimes comparing people can come from worries and thoughts like "He dumped me, so this guy will to" or If one person uses you for sexual wants, you could have worries that your next mate will too. It's totally not a bad thing, and it can be taken care of. If you experience these comparisons very often, taking a break to regain your trust would always be an option! The world of love is a scary place, so it's totally understandable if you compare people to your bad relationships.

It's hard not to compare everyone to the past relationship. You are trying to make sure that you won't get hurt again, and if there is a slight similarity, you will back away. When you compare everyone to the last bad person, you are trying to make sure there is good in them. If you see that the person is good, and not like the last one, it helps you realize that maybe you won't get hurt again, but if you find out that they are more similar then anything, then you will find a reason to shut yourself down once again. This keeps you from getting hurt.

Because after trusting someone and having our faith broken, it is tough to trust again. The comparison comes naturally "Will this person be like X and hurt me again by lying /abusing /manipulating me?" It's important to remember that we should stay informed by the past but open to the future. Our bad relationships tend to leave the largest "bruises," so we tend to remember them the most. Still, it's important to remember that they are an experience, a single example of a relationship. By looking at what went wrong, at what makes us compare the relationship to the old relationship, we can better serve ourselves and heal.

It is because we always try to find someone to relate to even though sometimes we know it is going to hurt us in some way! It's a completely humane thing to do and we all do it in one way or another. However, sometimes we should step back and appreciate what we have instead of comparing what we have to others because there is going to be people out there who want what you have too! Also, sometimes what we see in others aren't what is actually happening, it is most likely they're going through a hard time as well!

If it is because of trust, then based on my personal experience when you have your trust broken so many times then it can be hard to have trust in others. When you have trusted someone and they do something to break that, it could make you feel like you should have had your guard up to expect that hurt. So then you feel like you cannot fully trust someone else so now you begin to question other people. It's like a defense mechanism. You want to trust but once it gets broken, it can take time to repair that. This is my opinion based on my personal experience, it could be totally different but hope this helps!

Because of your experience in a bad relationship you've lost your trust in people. Everyone is not out to hurt you. People who had nothing to do with your bad relationship of being judged through your lens of one person. If you keep comparing people you will miss out on truly good relationships that will help you grow and not tear you down. I felt this way about my dad and I hated anyone who looked like him. I learned to forgive my dad for the things that he did to me. Because of that forgiveness my heart has been open to wonderful relationships. I use my Deliverance from a bad relationship to give others hope and compassion to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This is a natural response we have. It's evolutionary. ur brains process our past experiences constantly, and makes predictions for our future. trauma has an especially strong role to play in these "calculations." So don't worry too much. We all do this in our lives. Don't worry though, this is something that can be worked through. If we use some very basic therapy tools, we can make great progress toward healing this hurt. It is a simple matter of dealing with the pain and moving on in a healthy way. You just have to put in the work for it. A good guiding hand can go a long way.

There's a possibility that it might be a defense mechanism. When someone is deeply hurt from a bad relationship, some walls might be put up in order to protect themselves from getting hurt again. Maybe there are still some wounds and hurts you harbor that have not been completely dealt with. It doesn't mean that you can't pursue healthy and functional relationships with others, but it could potentially make it difficult. If you can catch yourself in these moments and try to see these people outside of the lens of your bad relationship, you might be able to slowly break away from that comparison.

Relationships are based on trust. When that trust is broken, emotionally and mentally we are left with feelings of self-doubt, confusion, hurt, anger, and insecurities. We must deal with those feelings and truly understand what the “bad” was and what our role, if at all, was in the relationship. Often times we look toward ourselves as the cause of abuse or infidelity. This is common and wondering what you could’ve done differently to avoid the situation that caused the relationship to go bad. It’s not usually just a one sided thing, but never is there an excuse for bad treatment, abuse or infidelity. There are healthy was to deal with frustrations in a relationship and going down a toxic path is not one of them. Find help and support to learn ways of moving on and coping with the aftershock of what you’ve been left to feel. Heal yourself and love yourself first, then you’ll have a much easier time allowing another person into your life and trust will come naturally. Take care of you

Thank you for reaching out! You may compare everyone to your bad relationship because your focus is on your relationship and you want to improve it. Sometimes we lack in certain areas and we see everything from one small perspective. It’s easy to be critical of yourself and want elements of a relationship you feel you don’t have when you see those close to you talking about how happy they are with their significant other and what their significant other does for them. It may be vital to ask yourself what makes the relationships you aspire to follow so special compared to your existing relationship? Why do you not find your existing relationship with your significant other good? Sometimes we want our relationships to be replicas of relationships we believe are healthy because people close to us express how satisfied they are with their own relationship. Comparisons in relationships can encourage us or make us set an aim to fix our bad relationship which can be a potential factor stressing you. What makes a relationship healthy and unhealthy is something for you to explore. Everyone has their own ideas of what is healthy and unhealthy. Support organisations such as Relate and OneLoveFoundation provide support on relationship stress. You are welcome to communicate with any one of our amazing listeners on our site 1-1.

It is easy to compare everything to your past relationships. I find myself comparing people as a protection mechanism that I need to break. I think that since I have gone through many bad relationships, the rest of them will not be good as well. It is important to look at these relationships as individuals because you would not want someone to compare you to another person they had a poor experience with. Not every relationship will be the same and I realized to recognize that everyone is an individual but also learn from the red flags that have been placed out there showing me to move on or reanalyze.

Your bad relationship can really mess you up; It can distort your views on everyone and how you love them. Its a form of self preservation and precaution, its your mind being wary of everyone, so that you won't be hurt in the same way. A bad relationship can mess you up so badly that you start to involuntarily compare their traits to people in the present, to protect yourself. You start to see all their flaws in people in the present, even if they're not there. Its almost like a survival tactic.

It is not unusual for people to be cautious after certain incidents. I also used to compare my relationship with previous one that left me heartbroken for months. It is human nature to be cautious of something similar to what had scarred them. No one wants a repeat of what agony they had experienced earlier. Some even get so scared that they never attempt at the particular action again but it is great if there is only comparison with the previous experience. You don’t want to go through the same experience and are naturally on the look out for signs that your current relationship is heading the same path. There is nothing wrong with comparing to bad relationships, it just shouldn't affect you current relations.

hello, Thanks for reaching out. I see how this is in your mind . There are many reasons why you might be feeling this way. You might be feeling like you wished you have a better relationship, and are seeking out how other people are in their relationship. This is a normal feeling and you shouldn't feel bad. Have you talked to your partner about how you feel? telling somebody you trust might make you feel like you arent alone in the matter. Never less, it's better not to compare relationship to other people because their case might be diffrent from yours. I suggest talking to your partner and see what you can do

Often, we find ourselves making comparisons because we care about what other people think, or see something we want (even though we might not have known we wanted it before seeing it). Take a step back and reassess. Remember, not a single soul is exactly like you and, as such, no relationship is the same. Opening your heart to a new relationship can be challenging if you haven’t moved on from your past. It’s especially difficult if you have a special connection to your ex and you’ve been through a lot together. Therefore, it’s essential to go through all stages of moving on to ensure that you’re open to a new relationship. Alas, no matter how hard you may try, it’s easy to get stuck in the memories of your past – to glorify your former boyfriend, even though you didn’t work out as a couple. You may go on a few dates, you may meet a bunch of men online and you may still feel just as strongly about your ex-boyfriend, which makes it impossible to let any new man in.