Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

141 Answers
Last Updated: 07/12/2020 at 9:17pm
Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Canada
Moderated by

Maryna Svitasheva, PhD. RP

Licensed Professional Counselor

Psychotherapy I provide is based on a dialog and your active intention to look for a solution with the therapist's assistance

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 5th, 2017 3:39pm
I feel bad qhen someone does something nice for me specially if they buy me gifts because I rather give them recieve, although I know my friends and family give me things without expecting anything back, bur I feel the need to repay them in a friendly matter. I feel mostly embarrased when im gifted, generally not used to it but dont feel need to be so. Feels a lot better to give
softLove62
March 10th, 2019 2:13pm
You may have problems with self esteem and confidence or you might feel that you don't deserve it . This is a completely solvable problem and you have to remember that somebody always loves you no matter what! Self esteem problems can be a result of abuse or and symptom of anxiety . There is a possibility that Feeling like you don't deserve something can also be because of guilt that you didn't put enough effort into the relationship as the other person . If that's the case a a true heartfelt talk with the person could reveal true feelings of both and you can work towards what you want
LiveLoveLaughter
July 20th, 2015 1:51pm
For the fear that this nicety may not be there tomorrow. Gifts sometimes create a kind of bonding with the giver. Sometimes, we feel bad because we become receiver.
luminousCat77
September 17th, 2016 6:47am
I feel as if many people have different love languages that cause strain on their personal relationships. This being one of them. I know personally I prefer quality time over gifts any day of the week, my sister on the other hand likes to receive gifts from people. It sounds as if your love languages may be a little different from that person's. Sit down and talk with them about it and you'll learn lots about them and how they show they care versus how you may chow your caring side.
Nagisa
November 1st, 2016 6:01am
I think it's because we often feel undeserving. We don't view ourselves important or good enough to have someone do something nice for us. However if someone gives you a gift or a compliment they do so because they feel we deserve it and we should learn to accept that.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2016 8:52pm
The feeling of receiving a gift or a good gesture can be slightly overwhelming to some people. Often this can cause a feeling of guilt if the deed is not returned, however, gratitude often suffices.
NatalieB
March 22nd, 2017 8:48am
It could be down to a number of reasons, depending on your state of mind and relationship to the person offering the gift. It could be as simple as feeling pressured to reciprocate, or feeling "in debt". In other cases, it might feel as though boundaries are being challenged, or it might even trigger a kind of guilt, or a feeling that you don't deserve this kindness, depending on how you feel about yourself, your perceived treatment of the gift-giver or your understanding and your limits of the relationship's boundaries.
capucinec
August 11th, 2017 6:28pm
Because you feel like you don't deserve it. They went out of their way to do something special for you, not for anything in return, no. Because they truly like you and you are imbued in their thoughts. Here's a tip: if you ever feel like you're not special, look at the people buying you gifts. Look at the people you call a friend. Look at you family. Can you honestly tell me that they too, believe you're not special and that you don't deserve every good thing coming your way?
lyricalSea85
November 9th, 2017 3:33am
You're scared of people spending their money on you... Maybe because you feel that you cannot return the favor back when time comes. There's nothing to feel bad about it. They did that by choice, nobody forced them. They chose to make you happy, and that is not something you gotta feel guilty about.
Anonymous
November 12th, 2017 3:50am
Often it is due to low self-esteem, when you can't consider yourself worth it, worth their care and love. Learning to love yourself and accept your flaws are some ways to deal with it.
Nichole121002
August 4th, 2018 8:57pm
Maybe you feel like you don't deserve it? If that's the case, you are just as worthy and important as any other person. People do nice things for you out of love and because the WANT to not because they HAVE to....YOU ARE WORTHY❤❤❤
Anonymous
November 16th, 2015 10:32am
Sometimes it is hard to accept gifts, especially when you have had a lifetime of not receiving that many. It makes us uncomfortable, when really we should just enjoy the moment, the kind thought, and say thank you.
Iauren
April 19th, 2016 3:03pm
It's a feeling of needing to do something for others because they gave you something nice, and you feel the need to do something nice in return
BeyondEmpathy
September 28th, 2016 12:09pm
I wonder if there is something here about how you feel about yourself? Could it be that you dont feel like you deserve the gift or act? MAybe discussing this further with a listener would help you uncover further about this?
makis
November 26th, 2016 10:14am
It is probably because of low self esteem. You don't feel like you deserve it. It's really bad to feel that way though. You are totally worth being treated nicely,you are an amazing human being. Instead of worrying, enjoy the nice things that people do for you. You deserve it.
LoseYourFearsAnna
January 26th, 2017 1:16pm
Because you don't know how worthy and how precious you are. You think you don't deserve it. But you do!!
Renatones
February 22nd, 2017 1:07pm
Usually when I feel bad on this situations is because I feel obliged to give him back the gift. As if it wasn't a gift, but a favor that will, in the future, be asked in return - or just expected, what might be even worse.
MissyR70
April 8th, 2017 4:38am
One possible reason is you might not think you deserve someone doing something nice for you or giving you a gift. This can stem from self esteem issues.
peacefulkat
April 9th, 2017 3:20am
It could be due to the fact that you don't see yourself good enough to accept them. You don't see yourself worthy of someone else's money nor gifts and you tend to feel bad. You feel as if they just wasted their money on you.
KatieHugz
April 22nd, 2017 4:44am
Often people feel badly when someone does something nice for them such as buying them gifts because they feel like they now owe that person someone. However they probably feel quite good when they give you something, acts of kindness impact both participants positivley. Therefore there is no need to feel bad when someone gives you something, because they probably feel the opposite :)
Anonymous
May 5th, 2017 9:13am
You may feel bad because you don't know how you'll get them an equally good gift and you don't want them to spend money on you but just enjoy the gift and get them something that you know they'll love for their birthday.
thinkfeelsolve
August 20th, 2017 11:32am
Could be because you have a wall built around you and you may not believe that ppl could actually do good things for you.and it may make you feel indebted.
Emnox
September 13th, 2017 4:42pm
You have too much of a mixture between self-pity and self-judgement, which brings you to the point where you feel bad for them because they care about you, and you feel like it's a waste of attention. Maybe, you reach the point where you feel that the other person is better than you, for caring more about you, than yourself. Of course the exact opposite could also be the case.
ajj23
November 15th, 2017 1:19pm
This may be because you are unable, or are restricted in your ability to do something nice for that person in return. It's always nice to be treated well, and if anything, take this opportunity to think about how much happier we would be if we all paid each other compliments and bought little gifts of appreciation for each other. You don't have to buy gifts of course, many acts of kindness can cost nothing!
Anonymous
January 4th, 2018 9:28am
Sometimes people feel bad after receiving an unexpected gift from someone close to them, either because a) they feel they owe them something in return and aren't sure of what to give that would make up for what they received or b) Its an act of kindness in which they are unsure of how to repay.
HappyRoses
January 13th, 2018 7:19am
Maybe you feel like you're not worthy of anything nice especially gifts. Maybe it's a feeling of guilt.
JDust
January 24th, 2018 6:44pm
The discomfort you experience could be a multitude of issues. One may be pride: many people, for example, feel pride in buying things for others, but experience shame when things are purchased for them. A second reason could be personal self-loathing: If you particularly dislike yourself, it may make you feel guilty if someone gives you something you feel you did not earn.
scenicwindow
January 25th, 2018 3:49pm
Can be due to: a) feelings of unworthiness, where a low self-esteem may also be at play b) fear of the feeling of indebtedness c) feelings of guilt stemming from the fear that the one gifting may have overspent on me d) fear of being perceived as a taker and e) Misgiving about the intent of the one gifting.
Anonymous
May 10th, 2018 1:06pm
Maybe you just don't want to troubl.e the person, or you don't think you're "worthy" of it. Honey, you are worth it, trust me. If someone does something nice, express your gratitude and smile knowing that they did it because your an amazing person.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 9:20pm
Sometimes, I'll feel badly if someone buys me gifts or does nice things for me, because I'll feel like I'm not worthy of receiving their kindness. I'l look down on myself.