Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

120 Answers
Last Updated: 07/04/2019 at 1:08pm
Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?
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Top Rated Answers
Iauren
April 19th, 2016 3:03pm
It's a feeling of needing to do something for others because they gave you something nice, and you feel the need to do something nice in return
luminousCat77
September 17th, 2016 6:47am
I feel as if many people have different love languages that cause strain on their personal relationships. This being one of them. I know personally I prefer quality time over gifts any day of the week, my sister on the other hand likes to receive gifts from people. It sounds as if your love languages may be a little different from that person's. Sit down and talk with them about it and you'll learn lots about them and how they show they care versus how you may chow your caring side.
BeyondEmpathy
September 28th, 2016 12:09pm
I wonder if there is something here about how you feel about yourself? Could it be that you dont feel like you deserve the gift or act? MAybe discussing this further with a listener would help you uncover further about this?
Nagisa
November 1st, 2016 6:01am
I think it's because we often feel undeserving. We don't view ourselves important or good enough to have someone do something nice for us. However if someone gives you a gift or a compliment they do so because they feel we deserve it and we should learn to accept that.
Anonymous
November 9th, 2016 8:52pm
The feeling of receiving a gift or a good gesture can be slightly overwhelming to some people. Often this can cause a feeling of guilt if the deed is not returned, however, gratitude often suffices.
makis
November 26th, 2016 10:14am
It is probably because of low self esteem. You don't feel like you deserve it. It's really bad to feel that way though. You are totally worth being treated nicely,you are an amazing human being. Instead of worrying, enjoy the nice things that people do for you. You deserve it.
LoseYourFearsAnna
January 26th, 2017 1:16pm
Because you don't know how worthy and how precious you are. You think you don't deserve it. But you do!!
Renatones
February 22nd, 2017 1:07pm
Usually when I feel bad on this situations is because I feel obliged to give him back the gift. As if it wasn't a gift, but a favor that will, in the future, be asked in return - or just expected, what might be even worse.
NatalieB
March 22nd, 2017 8:48am
It could be down to a number of reasons, depending on your state of mind and relationship to the person offering the gift. It could be as simple as feeling pressured to reciprocate, or feeling "in debt". In other cases, it might feel as though boundaries are being challenged, or it might even trigger a kind of guilt, or a feeling that you don't deserve this kindness, depending on how you feel about yourself, your perceived treatment of the gift-giver or your understanding and your limits of the relationship's boundaries.
MissyR70
April 8th, 2017 4:38am
One possible reason is you might not think you deserve someone doing something nice for you or giving you a gift. This can stem from self esteem issues.
peacefulkat
April 9th, 2017 3:20am
It could be due to the fact that you don't see yourself good enough to accept them. You don't see yourself worthy of someone else's money nor gifts and you tend to feel bad. You feel as if they just wasted their money on you.
KatieHugz
April 22nd, 2017 4:44am
Often people feel badly when someone does something nice for them such as buying them gifts because they feel like they now owe that person someone. However they probably feel quite good when they give you something, acts of kindness impact both participants positivley. Therefore there is no need to feel bad when someone gives you something, because they probably feel the opposite :)
Anonymous
May 5th, 2017 9:13am
You may feel bad because you don't know how you'll get them an equally good gift and you don't want them to spend money on you but just enjoy the gift and get them something that you know they'll love for their birthday.
lyricalSea85
November 9th, 2017 3:33am
You're scared of people spending their money on you... Maybe because you feel that you cannot return the favor back when time comes. There's nothing to feel bad about it. They did that by choice, nobody forced them. They chose to make you happy, and that is not something you gotta feel guilty about.
Anonymous
January 4th, 2018 9:28am
Sometimes people feel bad after receiving an unexpected gift from someone close to them, either because a) they feel they owe them something in return and aren't sure of what to give that would make up for what they received or b) Its an act of kindness in which they are unsure of how to repay.
HappyRoses
January 13th, 2018 7:19am
Maybe you feel like you're not worthy of anything nice especially gifts. Maybe it's a feeling of guilt.
JDust
January 24th, 2018 6:44pm
The discomfort you experience could be a multitude of issues. One may be pride: many people, for example, feel pride in buying things for others, but experience shame when things are purchased for them. A second reason could be personal self-loathing: If you particularly dislike yourself, it may make you feel guilty if someone gives you something you feel you did not earn.
scenicwindow
January 25th, 2018 3:49pm
Can be due to: a) feelings of unworthiness, where a low self-esteem may also be at play b) fear of the feeling of indebtedness c) feelings of guilt stemming from the fear that the one gifting may have overspent on me d) fear of being perceived as a taker and e) Misgiving about the intent of the one gifting.
Anonymous
May 10th, 2018 1:06pm
Maybe you just don't want to troubl.e the person, or you don't think you're "worthy" of it. Honey, you are worth it, trust me. If someone does something nice, express your gratitude and smile knowing that they did it because your an amazing person.
Anonymous
May 30th, 2018 9:20pm
Sometimes, I'll feel badly if someone buys me gifts or does nice things for me, because I'll feel like I'm not worthy of receiving their kindness. I'l look down on myself.
LordDionysus4954
June 15th, 2018 6:10am
You may feel bad because you prefer to be independent, and people being nic to you makes you feel like they are taking that away. Another reason could be that you don’t trust their kindness, and believe they have an alterior motive for being so nice.
SuperSandi
July 21st, 2018 7:17am
My opinion, I think the idea is instilled in our head that usually, and I'm not saying this about everyone, when something is given it's usually because something is expected in return unless it's a birthday gift. Whether it be consciously or subconsciously. So usually when I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, it's because I am not equipped to give anything back at the moment.
Nichole121002
August 4th, 2018 8:57pm
Maybe you feel like you don't deserve it? If that's the case, you are just as worthy and important as any other person. People do nice things for you out of love and because the WANT to not because they HAVE to....YOU ARE WORTHY❤❤❤
awesomeAngel12
November 22nd, 2018 2:53am
A natural human desire is to not want to be a burden. Being independent makes us feel in control of our lives, and makes us feel confident that we do not have to rely on anyone else. Often, when someone gives you a gift or does you a favor that they didn't have to, it can feel like you are taking advantage of them, or you're putting them out. Sometimes, there is a feeling of indebtedness to that person, because you feel guilty for taking something from them. It's important to remember that most of the time, people are not doing nice things for you with the expectation of getting something in return, or because they are obligated to--they are doing it because they care about you and want you to be happy.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2015 9:33pm
Maybe because you feel that you should have gotten something for them in return since they went through the trouble to get you something
Anonymous
November 16th, 2015 10:32am
Sometimes it is hard to accept gifts, especially when you have had a lifetime of not receiving that many. It makes us uncomfortable, when really we should just enjoy the moment, the kind thought, and say thank you.
healingKitty
September 16th, 2016 2:23pm
Maybe you believe that you don't deserve it, or you feel guilty because you believe you don't do enough nice things to others in turn.
2cupsofteaa
September 24th, 2016 3:44am
Perhaps because you feel embarrassed to be worthy of such nice gifts? :) Or that you start questioning whether you should get them a gift as well?
SophiaPortendorfer
October 2nd, 2016 11:17pm
Sometimes I feel like I owe the person something. I prefer to receive favors or gifts from people I can repay.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 2:02pm
You don't want to feel needy and seem like you are looking for attention. If someone buys you gifts, accept them