Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

122 Answers
Last Updated: 11/16/2019 at 5:51am
Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?
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Top Rated Answers
April 19th, 2016 3:03pm
It's a feeling of needing to do something for others because they gave you something nice, and you feel the need to do something nice in return
September 17th, 2016 6:47am
I feel as if many people have different love languages that cause strain on their personal relationships. This being one of them. I know personally I prefer quality time over gifts any day of the week, my sister on the other hand likes to receive gifts from people. It sounds as if your love languages may be a little different from that person's. Sit down and talk with them about it and you'll learn lots about them and how they show they care versus how you may chow your caring side.
September 28th, 2016 12:09pm
I wonder if there is something here about how you feel about yourself? Could it be that you dont feel like you deserve the gift or act? MAybe discussing this further with a listener would help you uncover further about this?
November 1st, 2016 6:01am
I think it's because we often feel undeserving. We don't view ourselves important or good enough to have someone do something nice for us. However if someone gives you a gift or a compliment they do so because they feel we deserve it and we should learn to accept that.
November 9th, 2016 8:52pm
The feeling of receiving a gift or a good gesture can be slightly overwhelming to some people. Often this can cause a feeling of guilt if the deed is not returned, however, gratitude often suffices.
November 26th, 2016 10:14am
It is probably because of low self esteem. You don't feel like you deserve it. It's really bad to feel that way though. You are totally worth being treated nicely,you are an amazing human being. Instead of worrying, enjoy the nice things that people do for you. You deserve it.
January 26th, 2017 1:16pm
Because you don't know how worthy and how precious you are. You think you don't deserve it. But you do!!
February 22nd, 2017 1:07pm
Usually when I feel bad on this situations is because I feel obliged to give him back the gift. As if it wasn't a gift, but a favor that will, in the future, be asked in return - or just expected, what might be even worse.
March 22nd, 2017 8:48am
It could be down to a number of reasons, depending on your state of mind and relationship to the person offering the gift. It could be as simple as feeling pressured to reciprocate, or feeling "in debt". In other cases, it might feel as though boundaries are being challenged, or it might even trigger a kind of guilt, or a feeling that you don't deserve this kindness, depending on how you feel about yourself, your perceived treatment of the gift-giver or your understanding and your limits of the relationship's boundaries.
April 8th, 2017 4:38am
One possible reason is you might not think you deserve someone doing something nice for you or giving you a gift. This can stem from self esteem issues.
April 9th, 2017 3:20am
It could be due to the fact that you don't see yourself good enough to accept them. You don't see yourself worthy of someone else's money nor gifts and you tend to feel bad. You feel as if they just wasted their money on you.
April 22nd, 2017 4:44am
Often people feel badly when someone does something nice for them such as buying them gifts because they feel like they now owe that person someone. However they probably feel quite good when they give you something, acts of kindness impact both participants positivley. Therefore there is no need to feel bad when someone gives you something, because they probably feel the opposite :)
May 5th, 2017 9:13am
You may feel bad because you don't know how you'll get them an equally good gift and you don't want them to spend money on you but just enjoy the gift and get them something that you know they'll love for their birthday.
November 9th, 2017 3:33am
You're scared of people spending their money on you... Maybe because you feel that you cannot return the favor back when time comes. There's nothing to feel bad about it. They did that by choice, nobody forced them. They chose to make you happy, and that is not something you gotta feel guilty about.
January 4th, 2018 9:28am
Sometimes people feel bad after receiving an unexpected gift from someone close to them, either because a) they feel they owe them something in return and aren't sure of what to give that would make up for what they received or b) Its an act of kindness in which they are unsure of how to repay.
January 13th, 2018 7:19am
Maybe you feel like you're not worthy of anything nice especially gifts. Maybe it's a feeling of guilt.
January 24th, 2018 6:44pm
The discomfort you experience could be a multitude of issues. One may be pride: many people, for example, feel pride in buying things for others, but experience shame when things are purchased for them. A second reason could be personal self-loathing: If you particularly dislike yourself, it may make you feel guilty if someone gives you something you feel you did not earn.
January 25th, 2018 3:49pm
Can be due to: a) feelings of unworthiness, where a low self-esteem may also be at play b) fear of the feeling of indebtedness c) feelings of guilt stemming from the fear that the one gifting may have overspent on me d) fear of being perceived as a taker and e) Misgiving about the intent of the one gifting.
May 10th, 2018 1:06pm
Maybe you just don't want to troubl.e the person, or you don't think you're "worthy" of it. Honey, you are worth it, trust me. If someone does something nice, express your gratitude and smile knowing that they did it because your an amazing person.
May 30th, 2018 9:20pm
Sometimes, I'll feel badly if someone buys me gifts or does nice things for me, because I'll feel like I'm not worthy of receiving their kindness. I'l look down on myself.
June 15th, 2018 6:10am
You may feel bad because you prefer to be independent, and people being nic to you makes you feel like they are taking that away. Another reason could be that you don’t trust their kindness, and believe they have an alterior motive for being so nice.
July 21st, 2018 7:17am
My opinion, I think the idea is instilled in our head that usually, and I'm not saying this about everyone, when something is given it's usually because something is expected in return unless it's a birthday gift. Whether it be consciously or subconsciously. So usually when I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, it's because I am not equipped to give anything back at the moment.
August 4th, 2018 8:57pm
Maybe you feel like you don't deserve it? If that's the case, you are just as worthy and important as any other person. People do nice things for you out of love and because the WANT to not because they HAVE to....YOU ARE WORTHY❤❤❤
November 22nd, 2018 2:53am
A natural human desire is to not want to be a burden. Being independent makes us feel in control of our lives, and makes us feel confident that we do not have to rely on anyone else. Often, when someone gives you a gift or does you a favor that they didn't have to, it can feel like you are taking advantage of them, or you're putting them out. Sometimes, there is a feeling of indebtedness to that person, because you feel guilty for taking something from them. It's important to remember that most of the time, people are not doing nice things for you with the expectation of getting something in return, or because they are obligated to--they are doing it because they care about you and want you to be happy.
March 10th, 2019 2:13pm
You may have problems with self esteem and confidence or you might feel that you don't deserve it . This is a completely solvable problem and you have to remember that somebody always loves you no matter what! Self esteem problems can be a result of abuse or and symptom of anxiety . There is a possibility that Feeling like you don't deserve something can also be because of guilt that you didn't put enough effort into the relationship as the other person . If that's the case a a true heartfelt talk with the person could reveal true feelings of both and you can work towards what you want
May 4th, 2019 3:24pm
I have similar feelings, for me, they stem from a feeling of low-self esteem, as if I am not worthy of the gift. I help myself by reminding myself that the person is giving me this thing because they want to and because they see something in me. Sometimes our view of our self-worth is inconsistent with what other people think of us and that dissonance can cause distress. I would just remember that you are worthy of peoples time, energy, and care and that THEY WANT to give you this gift whatever it may be. Take care, Ency.
September 21st, 2019 7:59pm
You are letting yourself believe, for some reason, that you're not worthy of other people's attention or praise. You should save a minute to reflect about the good qualities you have and realize you are important and be thankful when you receive a gift or a compliment, after all you deserve this and so much more. Be aware of the good you do for others and for yourself, learn to love yourself at any cost. Try not to think about others actions as mandatory acts, people often do go things to you because they care, and this is a really important thing. I hope this helps.
June 7th, 2015 9:33pm
Maybe because you feel that you should have gotten something for them in return since they went through the trouble to get you something
November 16th, 2015 10:32am
Sometimes it is hard to accept gifts, especially when you have had a lifetime of not receiving that many. It makes us uncomfortable, when really we should just enjoy the moment, the kind thought, and say thank you.
September 16th, 2016 2:23pm
Maybe you believe that you don't deserve it, or you feel guilty because you believe you don't do enough nice things to others in turn.