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Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

141 Answers
Last Updated: 07/12/2020 at 9:17pm
Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?
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Top Rated Answers
LordDionysus4954
June 15th, 2018 6:10am
You may feel bad because you prefer to be independent, and people being nic to you makes you feel like they are taking that away. Another reason could be that you don’t trust their kindness, and believe they have an alterior motive for being so nice.
Monimino
June 22nd, 2018 12:21pm
There might be different reasons for that. It might be that I do not trust this person enough to receive gifts or good deeds from him/her, maybe that person hurt me before so I feel confused about the situation now, or even if that is not the case I don't want to have to return the favour to that person. It might be even the case of feeling guilty if I know I hurt that person in the past. As I said there might be plenty of reasons to feel bad feelings when receiving a gift or good deed.
SuperSandi
July 21st, 2018 7:17am
My opinion, I think the idea is instilled in our head that usually, and I'm not saying this about everyone, when something is given it's usually because something is expected in return unless it's a birthday gift. Whether it be consciously or subconsciously. So usually when I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, it's because I am not equipped to give anything back at the moment.
Pilocene
October 28th, 2018 4:57am
Often times when someone does something nice for us, we feel the need to return that kindness. When a gift or nice act is done spontaneously it is difficult to return, making us feel guilty as we can't do the same at the moment. The reason you're most likely feeling more guilty about gifts is that they actually hold some form of monetary value; something had to of actually been given to provide this item for you. Another reason is that you can also feel yourself undeserving for whatever reason that may be. Just know that whoever is being kind has solely good intent. ^^
Ency
May 4th, 2019 3:24pm
I have similar feelings, for me, they stem from a feeling of low-self esteem, as if I am not worthy of the gift. I help myself by reminding myself that the person is giving me this thing because they want to and because they see something in me. Sometimes our view of our self-worth is inconsistent with what other people think of us and that dissonance can cause distress. I would just remember that you are worthy of peoples time, energy, and care and that THEY WANT to give you this gift whatever it may be. Take care, Ency.
lavenderb0y
November 16th, 2019 5:51am
I can’t tell you exactly why but you can probably figure out some patterns. Maybe you grew up in an environment where someone makes you feel ungrateful every time they do something for you, or maybe they do things for you and then let you know how much of a hassle it was. Maybe you’re very independent and just feel that people shouldn’t need to do things for you. I imagine you feel like a nuisance of some sort, so start there. Have people made you feel like a nuisance in the past? Did you grow up with people who act similarly? It’s not a bad thing, but it is good to recognize where it comes from to be able to decide if the source was bad or good.
Anonymous
June 7th, 2015 9:33pm
Maybe because you feel that you should have gotten something for them in return since they went through the trouble to get you something
healingKitty
September 16th, 2016 2:23pm
Maybe you believe that you don't deserve it, or you feel guilty because you believe you don't do enough nice things to others in turn.
2cupsofteaa
September 24th, 2016 3:44am
Perhaps because you feel embarrassed to be worthy of such nice gifts? :) Or that you start questioning whether you should get them a gift as well?
SophiaPortendorfer
October 2nd, 2016 11:17pm
Sometimes I feel like I owe the person something. I prefer to receive favors or gifts from people I can repay.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 2:02pm
You don't want to feel needy and seem like you are looking for attention. If someone buys you gifts, accept them
mywhispersscreamed3201
October 26th, 2016 10:19pm
You may have not a very high self-esteem, so you do not believe you deserve it. Working on accepting yourself, and loving who you are may help with the acceptance of gifts.
Anonymous
November 10th, 2016 3:49am
Maybe you are just being to harsh on yourself? Sometimes we all have feelings, for one reason or another. The best thing you could do is to have a sit down conversation with a trusted adult about your feelings. Perhaps that may help you?
blueberry246
February 24th, 2017 2:22pm
Some pepole just don't like being dependant on other people even if it's just a gift .also some fell insecure and don't accept it or they don't want to bother anyone
Will387
March 15th, 2017 6:03am
There are various reasons as to why this may happen. Sometimes we may have bad experiences during childhood which manifest themselves as insecurity, which may drive us to think that we're not worthy of receiving this affection. It's important to remember, that different people have different perspectives, and one must keep an open mind about what others think; if someone does something nice to you, it's likely that they see you as a friend, or that they trust you.
FabulousPiggy
May 22nd, 2017 4:54pm
It is completely natural to feel bad abut this kind of thing, as you may not feel as if you deserve it. However, if this person as done this for you, then they more often than not must feel like you deserve it for something, even if it's just something as simple as being their friend.
intoxicatedwriter
June 25th, 2017 4:52pm
You may feel bad because you feel like you aren't getting them something in return for buying the gifts or because you feel selfish that you are getting all these gifts when no one else is or simply just not being used to getting gifts can make you feel bad because sometimes we feel like we don't deserve it.
TheZu
August 10th, 2017 8:57pm
As how it goes for my own likings, this may be due to your independent nature of being so adapted not to rely on others when it comes to self-care and empowerment. It takes practices so embrace this beauty step by step at your convenient quantum =]
calmZebra60
August 23rd, 2017 9:19pm
Do you suffer from low-self esteem? WHether it is highly visible or it is dormant and held together by negative core beliefs, low self-esteem can make it difficult to accept things. We might feel that we are not worthy or deserving; maybe that we haven't earned it, or it is too much, etc. But these things are untrue. Receiving niceties from others is a part of self care in the social circle and should serve to build oneself up.
NordligSno
September 21st, 2017 5:04pm
I have it the same way and I know many that feels that way aswell. It's usually based on what you're used to or not. Did you recieve things as younger or is it still unusual to you? Do you feel as if you owe them something in return or guilty for accepting? Figure out what's running through your head when it happens, think "Is this really that bad" or tell them that you feel that way. :) Good luck.
WatchingOverYou
November 16th, 2017 7:21pm
You may think immediately that you now owe that person something as well and might not want/cannot retribute the favor or, more importantly, that for some reason you do not deserve the appreciation received (e.g gift), therefore you feel bad for accepting.
Anonymous
November 17th, 2017 5:19am
Because it feels like i must do something in return for them and i sometimes dont know what to do to make it up for them
Averyisheretohelp
November 19th, 2017 6:40pm
This could possibly be a result of subconsciously feeling unworthy of kindness. Sometimes, particularly people that have been abused or traumatized, it can be hard for the brain to accept kindness, as weird as that sounds. Understand that your feelings are completely okay, but that it is also okay to show that person appreciation and thank them for what they have done.
Anonymous
December 9th, 2017 4:10am
It's normal! It's hard because you don't really know what to do when someone says they bought you something, you feel bad that someone spent their hard earned money! But I completely understand
Anonymous
December 10th, 2017 1:30am
You feel bad because you feel like you are undeserving of that gift and you're not worthy enough of it.
Anonymous
January 8th, 2018 11:19pm
Because it often gives you a sense of not being worthy of the gift and also engenders the feeling that you are now beholding to them -- both of which make you embarrassed. Receiving a gift gracefully is far harder than giving a gift . And its quite common-- to be honest , I've never mastered it myself ...
ChaiTeaLate1988
January 29th, 2018 6:17pm
I once read that we can only accept the love and gratitude you think you deserve. Could it be that you think that you don't deserve it?
Zizi2906
March 2nd, 2018 3:16am
It's generally hard for someone to accept a gift without a reason such as birthdays, Christmas, etc. Because we feel undeserving of the gift. We are caught off guard as well as we did not get the person something in return, making us feel like we are in some way using them
Anonymous
March 4th, 2018 3:20pm
If you feel bad when someone does something nice for you, specially if they buy you gifts will because you think they are buying you it in return you can forgive their actions or they just want to do something kind so you will feel good about as well as the one who bought it.
Anonymous
March 7th, 2018 9:07am
Because you're a giver not a taker. You're probably not used to receiving gifts from people and that's ok. You might feel bad for people doing things for you because you may not be able to return the favor and that's alright.