Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?

120 Answers
Last Updated: 07/04/2019 at 1:08pm
Why do I feel bad when someone does something nice for me, specially if they buy me gifts?
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Top Rated Answers
May 3rd, 2018 7:12pm
Many people feel that way. It might be because maybe you don't feel as if you deserve them. But you do. Be grateful for the things you get because you're an amazing person.
June 13th, 2018 9:34am
I used to feel this way too, like I don’t deserve nice things, and through therapy I found that it was because of my low self worth and self esteem. I’ve been struggling with this for a long time and the super cliche advice “just love yourself” doesn’t help. What really helped my self esteem and self worth is taking care of myself, and most importantly making others around me feel loved and happy. When you realize you have the power to make others feel good about themselves, and use it, you will start to feel good about yourself too.
June 13th, 2018 6:29pm
Many emotions such as embarrassment, guilt and anxiety can be experienced when receiving a gift. Embarrassment could be linked to anxiety. You may feel stressed that you will not like the gift and you will hurt the other persons feeling. You may feel guilty due to feeling like you are not worthy of a gift. However, you are worth it and the person who bought it wants to show you that you are an important person in their life.
June 22nd, 2018 12:21pm
There might be different reasons for that. It might be that I do not trust this person enough to receive gifts or good deeds from him/her, maybe that person hurt me before so I feel confused about the situation now, or even if that is not the case I don't want to have to return the favour to that person. It might be even the case of feeling guilty if I know I hurt that person in the past. As I said there might be plenty of reasons to feel bad feelings when receiving a gift or good deed.
June 24th, 2018 9:53am
It seems like you think you don't deserve it. Try to understand, why do you think so? Did you do a mistake recently? Think about your negative automatic thoughts. Why do you have them? And remember: nobody is perfect.
June 28th, 2018 6:31am
I think that sometimes it might be that it causes us shame getting gifts, compliments, or some other things, it might be because it gets out of our confort zone
June 30th, 2018 4:02am
I hear you, honestly I do to. For me personally it’s because I’ve been brought up to believe that gifts mean that you have done something calling for a person to spend their money on you. The part where I feel guilty is when people spend money on me for things that I have no control over, like holidays and my birthday. It’s just weird.
July 6th, 2018 10:15pm
You probably feel a little guilty because you're unable to do the same, or you don't feel that you deserved the gift or that the person spent their time and energy in a way that may be costly.
July 14th, 2018 3:41pm
Perhaps because you feel as if you have imposed...or come from a culture where you are repeatedly taught 1) never to seem weak 2) or be a burden to others. Or you simply dont feel like you deserve kindness. Lack of grace...lack of class. An elegant person has enough humility to accept momentary assistance and see this as reciprocal altruism.
July 15th, 2018 3:11pm
Because there’s no free lunch in America, the saying goes. You’ve probably paid much more than you bargained for after receiving “free stuff” or even a free compliment, which resulted in a reciprocal bottomless pit.
July 18th, 2018 12:23pm
Well sometimes it could feel like we dont deserve it or that we feel guilty because we cant reciprocate but the fact that they think we deserve it should make us more grateful instead.
August 15th, 2018 2:42am
I think because there tends to be a feeling of obligation to return the favour at some point which puts pressure and expectation on ourselves.
August 15th, 2018 11:18pm
Because you feel like you don't deserve the time, money, or effort that it takes for someone to give that gift to you. This comes from toxic thinking and you should know and realize that you are worth it and that those people love you and cherish you
August 25th, 2018 8:31pm
I personally dont do well with getting gifts because I feel like I either dont deserve them or I worry about having to give something back, because it feels like the right thing to do. Sometimes its difficult to accept someone may want to give me something, because it feels like there should be some reason. On Christmas and birthdays, I have a hard time with gifts because although I'm so grateful and I make sure they know that, I always find myself thinking either: "I wish they hadn't spent the money on me for something I dont *really* need, when they could have used it for something else," or "I haven't done anything to merit getting a gift." I have to remember that just as I feel good giving other people gifts, they also may feel the same, and gifting is a beautiful thing to do amongst people you love.
September 9th, 2018 7:05pm
Sometimes, yes, but it depends on who it is that is buying me something and what they are buying me. For example, a coworker and I have an agreement that we take turns buying each other lunch, so whenever we go out we know whose turn it is to buy. On the other hand, when I am given an unexpected gift from someone, such as a friend or coworker, I feel like I do owe them something in return. As long as the purchase is justified I am happy and take it guilt-free, but I do believe in returning the favor as often as possible.
October 22nd, 2018 7:43pm
Sometimes I feel bad when someone does something good for me like when they buy me gifts because I feel like I don't deserve those kind actions. I also feel bad because I sometimes feel like I cannot reciprocate the same action with the same measure. Especially if the action costed a fortune for example if a friend stayed with me when I was sick. In addition to all that, I sometimes feel bad when a person does something nice to me because I will forever owe that person and nothing that I could ever do could ever convince me that I have fully paid the debt.
October 28th, 2018 4:57am
Often times when someone does something nice for us, we feel the need to return that kindness. When a gift or nice act is done spontaneously it is difficult to return, making us feel guilty as we can't do the same at the moment. The reason you're most likely feeling more guilty about gifts is that they actually hold some form of monetary value; something had to of actually been given to provide this item for you. Another reason is that you can also feel yourself undeserving for whatever reason that may be. Just know that whoever is being kind has solely good intent. ^^
November 21st, 2018 8:26am
I think it’s because you don’t want to be seen as selfish or as a person who is giving and would not like to receive things back. This is probably because, in my opinion, people would like to be seen as more modest and more of like the people who are the ones that give and don’t get back because that makes them look better, since some people might rather receive than get. This is because receiving gifts from others makes the person feel more fulfilled and loved, since it’s one of the 5 ways to show someone you love and / or care about them.
January 10th, 2019 6:13pm
For the mindset of ' i am not worthy being treated like this ' , ' Now i must do sumthing to return this kindness , what a hassle' or ' What is this guy trying to get from this. There must b sumthing behind this'. It's kinda hard for me to believe that people doing nice things just out of ' Kindness ' . It's just that rare. ' Gifts ' or ' Being Nice ' which directed at me were mostly for rewarding my deeds. I am so used to have it that way, so many times that i doubt there is any of them comes with 'Sincerity' in it.
January 18th, 2019 1:35am
I think it depends really. Do you feel you are not worthy of someone doing something nice for you? That may affect your ability to receive love from others, your thoughts on your own self-worth? Or are you sensing this person is overextending themself to the point of buying your relationship, like people pleasing? A sensing of misappropriated boundaries. Or Would you do the same for someone else? It could be a guilt thing as well that you can’t receive if you wouldn’t do the same. . It really all depends on an individual situation from my experience.
January 20th, 2019 6:05am
It may be because you feel as if you do not deserve it, that it creates expectations or that you may not be able to do such things for them in return. Maybe you feel that you do not know them well enough for gift exchanging. If any of these things are the reason to why maybe look at the reasons they are giving you gifts or doing nice things for you. Introspection is a very useful tool in answering such questions such as this but if you still feel stuck try looking at it from a friends point of view.
February 8th, 2019 5:40am
We all have different personality so that the way of thinking.. if someone does good to me.. or wanted to buy gift and all, i start getting feeling like why they are doing this .. I have to do same in return..if i could not do the same for them, may be they are expecting something from his.. All these negative stuff start roaming in my mind .. that makes me feel restless, and definitely i could not enjoy these nice things doing by others .. till i prepared and can say i could do the same for them too.
March 10th, 2019 2:13pm
You may have problems with self esteem and confidence or you might feel that you don't deserve it . This is a completely solvable problem and you have to remember that somebody always loves you no matter what! Self esteem problems can be a result of abuse or and symptom of anxiety . There is a possibility that Feeling like you don't deserve something can also be because of guilt that you didn't put enough effort into the relationship as the other person . If that's the case a a true heartfelt talk with the person could reveal true feelings of both and you can work towards what you want
May 3rd, 2019 9:36pm
This question can have a number of reasons. But how about taking a minute or two to really think about what might have caused this? Theres the impression that you feel a lot of guilt when people buy you gifts, so it is worth thinking what could happen if they buy me this gift. Do you think you would owe them something? Or the present would not be good enough? I have had similar situations with friends and boyfriends but what I found was a lot of the time, they were only wanting to do something nice. Could this be possible for your friends?
May 4th, 2019 3:24pm
I have similar feelings, for me, they stem from a feeling of low-self esteem, as if I am not worthy of the gift. I help myself by reminding myself that the person is giving me this thing because they want to and because they see something in me. Sometimes our view of our self-worth is inconsistent with what other people think of us and that dissonance can cause distress. I would just remember that you are worthy of peoples time, energy, and care and that THEY WANT to give you this gift whatever it may be. Take care, Ency.
May 30th, 2019 1:41pm
I feel like this all the time! In my case, it’s because I feel like they are being very nice to me, but I’m not being nice enough back. Does this sound like what you might be experiencing? I don’t think you need to feel like you need to buy them something in return, though. While it would be a nice way of showing them that you care for them, your friendship alone should be enough :) I think that the fact that you feel bad when someone does something nice for you shows that you are very humble, and that you really care for your friends and family!
June 14th, 2019 12:02pm
Perhaps you feel like you don't deserve those gifts and there is some sort of inferiority in receiving them. On the other hand, maybe you just feel bad towards the person who has given you a gift and you are apologetic that they had to spend time getting you the present and the money involved may concern you too! Most people have this way of thinking and its completely alright to do that. Don't worry at all! There is nothing wrong with the way you feel and it is good to feel empathy towards the one who gave you the gift. But just don't forget to thank them! I'm sure they would appreciate it
June 19th, 2019 1:38am
Personally, after a lot of self-reflection, I found in my experience of receiving gifts it made me feel guilty, weak, and dependent on others. My experience with gift receiving goes back to my childhood. My mother used gifts as a form of control and to meet her needs. Gifts were always used to hang over my head when I did not meet my mother's emotional needs. This created a lot of guilt within myself and dependent and weak when excepting something from others. I always felt someone who gave me a gift had an ulterior motive. My perception of gifts were based on the historical relationship with my Mom.
June 21st, 2019 10:59am
I feel bad when somebody does something nice for me or buys me gifts because I appreciate their thought they’ve had of me and want them to feel equal as I do. It’s not pleasant for one person to be giving for the ones happiness, it must be shared together, with each other. Not alone. For me to be able to express gratitude for something the other person has to feel the same way as me, if they don’t it puts a feeling of guilt inside me. Feeling grateful and happy together is the best way anyone can not feel guilty.
July 4th, 2019 1:08pm
It can be hard to accept nice things because you feel like you're not deserving or you're just a very humble person, and that's not a bad thing! But you should allow other people to do nice things for you, it's coming from a place of caring and possibly love and you should allow that into your life. So instead of feeling bad (which I know can be hard, sometimes it's just automatic) just practice being thankful. It's one thing to say thank you and another to actually be thankful. If someone does something really nice that means they're grateful for you and want to show their gratitude. Allow yourself to accept these nice things and tell yourself that you deserve it, because you do!