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How can I tell my parents that I'm gay?

260 Answers
Last Updated: 03/24/2022 at 1:37am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Danielle Gonzales, PsyD


Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
June 19th, 2015 10:05pm
You can come forth with your sexuality in many ways, and its all up to you what way you choose to do it. Wether that be something elaborate, humorous, or even just a conversation your guardians should be accepting of your choices.
July 11th, 2015 11:46pm
You shouldn't say it suddenly but you can try to say it in time slowly and slowly maybe you can start with show it with your clothings etc believe me they will try to understand you.Being gay is not something you emberassing it and I respect LGBT and don't forget that there are so many person respects like me :)
October 31st, 2019 1:21am
Opening up to your parents about your sexuality can be a really scary and anxiety-inducing thing. The best thing to remember is that, unless you know otherwise, it's usually a pretty safe bet that your parents will love and support you. They may be surprised and it might take them a while to fully grasp it, and it may cause conflict if they don't fully understand or something, but in general, parents will do what they can to support you! It may take them a while and you should be prepared to answer many questions from them, but if you remain understanding of their reaction (as long as their reaction isn't hurtful or abusive to you in any way), then you'll be okay. If you don't know whether or not your parents will be accepting, a good method is to drop subtle hints for a while and gauge their reactions before completely coming out to them. It may be the case that you should remain in the closet for your own safety, but best of luck to you and I hope it goes well if/when you tell them!
November 17th, 2019 3:04pm
How you tell your parents you are gay depends on who they are. Some of them might not mind it to much others might go crazy. If you have super religious parents it will be hard to come out to them because they might start taking things out of the bible and trying to convince you it is wrong to be gay. If you have parents that are not super religious it can still be nerve racking to come out but it would be easier. If you have gay parents you have nothing to worry about because they already accept themselves for being gay so they will accept you. The easiest was to come out is to rip it off like a band-aid. Be quick and try not to over think it. But remember no matter what there is someone out there who will love you for who you are.
December 1st, 2019 10:17pm
You can express your feelings as openly as you can, tell them what it means to be who you are, how you realized you are LGBT, and reassure them that nothing changes in who you are as a person, you're still you though this part of your identity is different than they thought. Make sure they know you want to share it with them because they are important to you, and maybe tell them that you believe in your relationship and you're sure they know that nothing changes in the person you are. You can also encourage them to ask you any questions they have about it. Be patient, it's possible that they'll need more time to come to terms with it, but what truly matters is that they give you a chance to be listened and understood: that's a signal that they're willing to give you a chance. Ultimately, those who really love and care for you will accept you for who you are and they'll just want you to be happy, no prejudice can ruin real love! If you're feeling very uncomfortable, you can even consider writing a coming out letter.
January 26th, 2020 12:58am
There’s no one right way to tell your parents that you’re gay. The most important thing to figure out is whether your home environment is safe enough to let them know. If the answer is yes, it is safe enough, you may want to reflect on whether it is the right time. You and your parents should be in at least a calm state of mind before you tell them. Many parents may not be as knowledgeable as their kids about LGBTQ+ topics, so you might have to explain a bit about what you’re going through. It might also benefit you to ensure you have friends to lean on in case your coming out doesn’t go as well as you expected.
June 19th, 2015 9:26pm
With this information we are trying to help you about how best to approach your parents with what maybe regarded by them as news they may well find shocking. You must be prepared for the possibility that this shock may result in a reaction that you may feel to be rejection. Try to understand that this will hopefully become acceptance given time, so be patient and try not to give way to anger if your news results in what you feel are hurtful responses. Many parents have difficulty with openly discussing sex. You will probably be aware of the level of their ability to speak on this matter and should take account of this in your approach. Obviously you will have worked out that your existence need not indicate that your parents are very knowledgeable about sexual subjects. Perhaps the amount of sexual knowledge they have imparted to you should be a guideline.
June 20th, 2015 2:31am
Be straight forward. Tell them in a calm and professional manner and be sure to mention that this is what makes you happy.
June 20th, 2015 7:03am
It is different for every person. There isn't one way to ask the person you love out, or one way to apologize to someone. However, here is my advice. Just be blunt and honest. I promise you that it will feel really difficult, but it WILL be worth it. The gratification that follows is incomparable. Don't be afraid to tell them, and don't try to be subtle about it. You also must understand that this may be difficult for them to comprehend as well, but you will most likely be fine. If you feel like your parents may respond in a way that is harmful to you, do not try to force it. If they react violently, seek help immediately! Good luck, and I hope it goes great! It usually isn't too bad, so don't worry to much about it.
June 20th, 2015 11:45am
Chances are that your parents may already know. But incase they don't try and get them to sit down together with you and explain your feelings and that you are gay.
June 20th, 2015 6:24pm
hmm, I would love to be able to tell you that, it's such a big thing to tell them I guess? and you are wondering what the best way of going about it is.
June 20th, 2015 11:54pm
Dependent on the way you think they would react, you could go about it in a number of ways. Maybe tell them something bad, then that will act as a buffer if you feel they'll take it badly- this will also allow you to gage their likely reaction. Another way could be to openly discuss with them their views on sexuality, and ask hypothetical questions, such as what if______? which will give you insight into how they may feel about you, or people in general, being gay. When you're ready, talk to them and know that no matter what, they love you and always will.
June 21st, 2015 1:03am
Obviously you want to be honest so the best way is to simply just say it. It's what happens after that, the consequence of saying, will be as important.
June 21st, 2015 11:30am
First tell them how a gender happens (Its because of some hormones from your parents ).Then tell them that you are not the responsible for that one.Prove that you are grateful than others by achieving something .There's nothing about gender only thing we need to consider is how we are surviving....
June 21st, 2015 6:01pm
Find a time when they seem open to discussion and begin with your appreciation of them and your gratitude for them raising you and why you care about sharing your truth. Give it your best shot -- try it out on a listener here or a trusted friend. And know that sometimes it takes parents a while to get used to this information. Their immediate response may not be the more loving and accepting one they will have in a day, a week, a year, or when you have the first grandchild... If you think their response might be drastic (asking you to move), then be prepared with somewhere to stay. And good luck! You are speaking the truth. How they receive it indicates who THEY are, not who you are.
June 21st, 2015 6:26pm
just sit them down and tell them you would like to talk. explain to them that you have different feelings then most people and you want them to support you.
June 24th, 2015 2:20am
If you're wrestling with guilt and periods of depression, you'll be better off waiting to tell your parents. Coming out to them may require tremendous energy on your part it will require a reserve of positive self-image.
June 24th, 2015 3:26am
Personally i don't swing that way, but if i did i would say this to them. "Mum, Dad, I'm gay". We cant control who we fall in love with or who we want to be intimate with. If they don't agree with your life choice, that's their problem, not yours.
June 24th, 2015 5:13am
The best way to approach confessing your gay is to sit your parents down, have some family member or someone whose close to you with you that already knows about you being gay and talk to your family about it. Tell them you've been seeing someone or you don't feel attracted to the opposite sex. Depending on how your parents are (you would know best) you need to be straightforward with them, there's no way to sugar coat such a thing. But also remember, that being gay is not something that's wrong , its your sexuality, your designed this way. So if they don't respond to it well, you need to console yourself and try to explain it to them again. Don't ever make the mistake of apologising for your sexuality or agreeing to your parents demands of dating the opposite gender just because they feel embarrassed. Get your trusted person to support you and help reason with your parents when you tell them your gay.
June 24th, 2015 7:55am
Try sitting down with your parents and being open with them on this matter. Let them know this is your choice and this is what makes you happy.
June 24th, 2015 11:44am
Gender and sexuality is two different things. Choosing sexuality or choosing gender is impossible for one and another, it is important to know that and let others know. Your family can't force you to live a lie. They can even send you to a therapist but in the end you choose your own life. Being gay or being lesbian is something people can not control, people might bw judgemental but you should be proud of yourself. I can not imagine why people define love only between a male and a female. Love is love, it can be found in a friendship, in female and female, male and male or the opposite. I am a bisexual by choice and proud of being one. Not because I'm attracted to females but because I know love can be found in both genders. You have to say your parents that you are gay and proud of being one. They can be a part of your life if they want to but if they can't accept you for who you are then you'll live your life anyway because you can't choose something like that. Once they get that they might need some time but in the end they are your parents, they wouldn't want to lose you. Just give them some time and live your life proudly as you should.
June 24th, 2015 9:55pm
I think a lot depends on you, your age, what your parents are like, your relationship with your parents, and your financial situation. For example, are your parents generally supportive and loving? Have you been able to discuss difficult issues with them in the past? Or, perhaps, is one of them (or both) volatile, reactive and prone to angry outbursts? Do your parents view homosexuality as a reality that is part of normal life, or do they view it as a terrible sin? Are you 18 and financially dependent on then for everything, or are you 26 and financially independent? Do your brothers and sisters already know? Are you happy and confident in your sexuality? In my experience, some parents are not surprised at all, and have been pretty sure for years. They're okay with it. Some parents may be upset and grieve for a while. And others may react quite strongly -- so I think the method and timing of the disclosure will depend to some extent on these factors. To read personal stories about how gay and lesbian individuals have told THEIR parents, you can go to the Forum here at 7 Cups to get ideas about what has worked for others. Plus, there is a chat room at 7 Cups devoted specifically to LGBTQ+ issues, and the members there can provide suggestions and support. In addition, some of the Listeners are experienced in this category and will be happy to support you in a one-to-one chat. Wishing all the best to you and your family!!
June 25th, 2015 1:05am
Just sit down with them and have a nice and calm conversation. Be honest with them and tell them how you really feel.
June 25th, 2015 4:58am
It depends how you would want them to find out. If you want it to be straight up and not very descriptive tell them about a person you like and include the gender. If you want to actually sit down and explain then tell them you need to talk and explain how you feel for the gender you like.
June 25th, 2015 8:41am
Tell them that you have to talk to them about something serious and aware them that it is something that MIGHT hurt them. Then in a calm tone tell them
June 25th, 2015 2:48pm
Have you tried to have a general conversation with your parents about that particular subject, to see what they might think?
June 25th, 2015 10:39pm
Honestly speaking The best way to tell your parents that you are gay is to say to them that "Mom & dad I don't how you will feel about it & How will you react, but this time I can't help myself. I am Homosexual." Sure this is the hardest way to say but trust me this is the rightest way to tell them. you don't need to make up stories just to tell who you are.
June 26th, 2015 8:35am
I would just tell them, you're their kid and i'm sure they'll love you no matter what! And if they dont except it at first im sure they will once they know you're happy!
June 26th, 2015 1:27pm
Openly admit it, trying to rant about something else and then leading into it can cause more hurt to your parents. Just tell them how you feel, and you're just attracted to what you're attracted too.
June 26th, 2015 2:23pm
There is no single, sure-fire way of telling your parents that you are lesbian or gay. Just as no two families are exactly the same so the method, even the words, will vary from one family to the next. But many reactions are common to all families, and knowing this, it is often possible to work out the best method for your family. Very few parents imagine that their children could possibly be lesbian or gay. Even those who may have had suspicions still feel shocked, sad or angry when confronted with the fact. Try to understand this. You have had, perhaps, several years to gradually come to terms with the fact that you are lesbian or gay. Your parents, when you tell them will have had no time at all. Although teenagers sometimes find it difficult to accept that no one knows them as well as their parents there is no denying that they have watched you develop from birth to the present moment. So they will find it hard to accept that there is a side to you they never knew about. In the immediate reaction there are certain things that nearly all parents say. These include "How can you be sure at your age?" "I went through a phase like this, you'll grow out of it". "You haven't tried hard enough with the opposite sex", and, ominously, "What about this terrible AIDS?" These are difficult things to answer if you feel at all unsure of yourself. If you are young and under the age of consent legally, after a recent equalisation of the law in the United Kingdom, 16 for both homosexuals and heterosexuals (Age of consent in other countries) remember there are two aspects to your situation. The first one is your homosexual feelings, and the second one is your sexual experience, if any. You should therefore carefully consider to what extent you are going to reveal yourself to your parents. Be very careful in countries where homosexuality is illegal. Homophobia (hatred or prejudice against homosexuals) has many forms but it is based upon ignorance and can be dispelled by knowledge. Remember your parents will have to consider how they will deal with relatives, neighbours, friends, and perhaps their employers or the local church who may become aware that you are lesbian or gay. Try to understand this concern, perhaps point out that you too have to deal in greater measure with the hatred of others. Your parents' reaction may be to become overprotective. Remember that to balance all the homophobia, there exists a lot of positive and enlightened thought and attitudes.