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How can I tell my parents that I'm gay?

262 Answers
Last Updated: 06/11/2022 at 8:37pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Danielle Gonzales, PsyD

Psychologist

Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 4:51am
Your parents made you, whether they realize it or not, they'll always love you despite their views on things. Tell them, you found happiness. And that's its with ( whoever)
ChristopherK579
June 19th, 2015 10:05pm
You can come forth with your sexuality in many ways, and its all up to you what way you choose to do it. Wether that be something elaborate, humorous, or even just a conversation your guardians should be accepting of your choices.
seroloppo
July 11th, 2015 11:46pm
You shouldn't say it suddenly but you can try to say it in time slowly and slowly maybe you can start with show it with your clothings etc believe me they will try to understand you.Being gay is not something you emberassing it and I respect LGBT and don't forget that there are so many person respects like me :)
Aayla
December 1st, 2019 10:17pm
You can express your feelings as openly as you can, tell them what it means to be who you are, how you realized you are LGBT, and reassure them that nothing changes in who you are as a person, you're still you though this part of your identity is different than they thought. Make sure they know you want to share it with them because they are important to you, and maybe tell them that you believe in your relationship and you're sure they know that nothing changes in the person you are. You can also encourage them to ask you any questions they have about it. Be patient, it's possible that they'll need more time to come to terms with it, but what truly matters is that they give you a chance to be listened and understood: that's a signal that they're willing to give you a chance. Ultimately, those who really love and care for you will accept you for who you are and they'll just want you to be happy, no prejudice can ruin real love! If you're feeling very uncomfortable, you can even consider writing a coming out letter.
Dakota1978
November 17th, 2019 3:04pm
How you tell your parents you are gay depends on who they are. Some of them might not mind it to much others might go crazy. If you have super religious parents it will be hard to come out to them because they might start taking things out of the bible and trying to convince you it is wrong to be gay. If you have parents that are not super religious it can still be nerve racking to come out but it would be easier. If you have gay parents you have nothing to worry about because they already accept themselves for being gay so they will accept you. The easiest was to come out is to rip it off like a band-aid. Be quick and try not to over think it. But remember no matter what there is someone out there who will love you for who you are.
Anonymous
October 31st, 2019 1:21am
Opening up to your parents about your sexuality can be a really scary and anxiety-inducing thing. The best thing to remember is that, unless you know otherwise, it's usually a pretty safe bet that your parents will love and support you. They may be surprised and it might take them a while to fully grasp it, and it may cause conflict if they don't fully understand or something, but in general, parents will do what they can to support you! It may take them a while and you should be prepared to answer many questions from them, but if you remain understanding of their reaction (as long as their reaction isn't hurtful or abusive to you in any way), then you'll be okay. If you don't know whether or not your parents will be accepting, a good method is to drop subtle hints for a while and gauge their reactions before completely coming out to them. It may be the case that you should remain in the closet for your own safety, but best of luck to you and I hope it goes well if/when you tell them!
DramaticalValentine
June 8th, 2017 5:56am
Actually it depends. I am a lesbian. I came out to my parents when I was 18. They are your parents so they'll definitely understand. You can simply be frank and just go and tell them. This is what I did. Don't wait for that 'perfect moment' because it's never going to come. Just relax yourself and tell them. They love you :-) They'll definitely understand.
watermelon9
July 31st, 2015 1:14pm
You need to sit them down and you ask that they'll love you no matter what - which they more than likely will as they are your parents. You then proceed to tell them how you feel. Start of lightly so that they can understand and then ask if they have any questions. Don't feel afraid and more importantly don't hold back. Society these days consists of a greater gay community than ever and it is absolutely fantastic. You should feel proud to tell them, because you know who you are - a lot of people are still figuring it out. Good luck :)
sereneHoliday44
May 15th, 2017 6:29am
That is a tough one i concede but there can always be a way to be found. You can try and talk with your parents when they are in good mood and get talking about life in general and slowly come to the topic and by asking their opinions about such matters just hinting on them just to get how they feel about the topic and leave it at that for time being and get a bit more closer to disclosure the next time. If you make a slow progress and not give a shock
gentleWinter41
May 7th, 2017 8:13am
Be reminded that your parents love you. Keep this in mind to calm any anxiety. Sit them down or choose the method most suitable to your family that will see you guys being more or less alone in a comfortable setting. Tell them you are gay. You can stop talking here to let them direct it to wherever they want to if you wish or you may add anything else that you need to disclose. If this does not work for you, an old fashioned letter strategically timed and placed, could also work. This would effectively make your parents come to you if you are afraid to go to them.
avanef
March 15th, 2017 8:42pm
You tell them when you're ready and when you want to. It's up to you and this is your life and your happiness. If you don't think they need to know, then don't tell them. Not to mention, before you tell anyone about who you are, you need to love and accept who you are. Once you do that, you'll be able to just block out those who don't accept or love you regardless who you are. But don't let anyone make you feel bad or not normal for who you are.
Bonnie1
November 21st, 2016 5:14pm
Timing is everything. Pick a time when they are not focused on something else, when they are in a good mood and ready to listen. Think about what you want to say. If you are nervous, practice telling them before you do it. Practicing with a good friend would be optimal, but you can try in front of a mirror. When you feel confident, then do it.
turquoiseLemon4616
November 17th, 2016 7:17pm
I got you. You need to tell your parents that this is your life and your trying to find out why you aren't loving living it the way it is. The only way you are going to be happy is by being yourself. I know they might not agree but your parents love you and will be ok with it but it might take time. Just know that you need to go throw your life making decisions for yourself and not let your parents make life decisions for you
bmg1994
November 13th, 2016 11:29am
What are their thoughts on LGBT+? Are they supporters of it all? Because if so its best to come out and just tell them. They might take it as a shock at first if you've never hinted at it for anything. If they are supporters of it, then I would say maybe try to open their minds up about it all, get them understanding everything, and then come out when you feel it's safe :).
Tinashe
November 12th, 2016 4:52am
If you are struggling with verbally telling your parents that you are intact gay, try writing it or expressing yourself in another way that may not be as hard. Theres no other way of laying the truth out than just saying it how it is! Honesty is the key!
goodlife1997
November 11th, 2016 1:36pm
Sit with them. Tell them that you love them. They'd probably ask that why are you being so emotionally expressive today. And now you tell them that that is because there's an underlying reason. If they're caring, they'd be concerned and then it comes the best time to tell them how you feel about your sexuality.
ultramarineblue
October 22nd, 2016 3:36pm
In my opinion, I would straight up tell them, depending on your parents though, you might want to sit them down and talk to them about how your feeling, then tell them.
listenercat5678
September 25th, 2016 11:33pm
I came out to my parents by setting by wallpaper with "I'm Bisexual!" typed onto it. Since everyone sees my phone wallpaper, I didn't have to go through the trouble of saying it since I've got anxiety. This was just my experience. Good luck! 😊
friendlyboyman
October 1st, 2015 3:49pm
how do i tell dad i m gay. this is me real not faze, how do i admit myself and feleings to father in my life so i fcan enjoy parental experiences with later?
generousForest90
August 16th, 2015 8:22pm
Take it easy on yourself first. Remember regardless of their reaction you are perfect the way you are. I didn't sit down and talk to my parents, which I think may have been the reason we struggled so much. Sitting down and talking is the best way to tell someone I believe, even if you cannot find the words - write them down and allow them to read it. Remember when telling your parents/family you are gay they will have questions, and that's okay! Try and prepare yourself the best you can for their questions such as "How long have you been feeling this way..." Support is never far away, within your community, groups or even on 7 Cups of Tea. You are wonderfully crafted gay - straight - bisexual - transexual - pansexual - you are you and that's all that matters. When telling your family you news remember this. Take it easy on yourself!
Anonymous
August 16th, 2015 4:22pm
There is no easy way to tell your parents that your gay. Especially if they are heavy religious people. First if your a boy start with your mom. If your a girl start with your dad. Because you are the boy you have an special connection with your mother. If you wanted to still be excepted tell her first make sure your alone in an quiet environment. Just say mom we need to talk and tell her. If your an girl start doing some guy thing that your dad might like. Get him in his comfort zone and calmly tell him. Because of your father daughter bond it might be easier for him to accept it. Then the parent you tell will share the information to the other parent and you can all have an sit down and talk about it all together.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 7:43pm
There are multiple hotlines you can call and speak with someone personally about what you need to do to prepare to come out.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 12:02pm
First make them realise that being gay is not Bad. Then tell them you are gay and it is nature's gift to you and there is nothing wrong about it!!
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 6:54am
If you are sure you want to tell them, which it sounds as though you are then I think you should tell them. Your positive that your mother will understand, so I think you will feel more comfortable telling her first. If you tell her first she can be there to support you when you tell your father. You are their child, finding out whether or not you are gay will change nothing. I have had many friends who have told their parents they were gay, for some there was no problem both parents accepted it. Others ran into problems with their dads, but their dads got over it, all of them still live happily together.
Anonymous
August 14th, 2015 9:57pm
It might not be easy, but the best way to do it is have them sit and you tell them you love them, and you expect the same from them. Tell them you are different and then tell them you are gay. Your parent do love you. I hope the best
MaggieListens00
August 14th, 2015 7:36am
The isn't 'a way' to find out if you're gay and there isn't a rush to figure it out either. After all you have your entire life ahead of you but as cliché as it might sound experiment try and go to some LGBT events or interact with other people who are questioning their sexuality. I find that if you think about it it starts to make sense, can you see yourself with a boy, a girl or both. Some people are romantically attracted to males and females but only sexually to female for example. There isn't a set way you have to find your own way. :) I hope I shed some light on that :)
Innoncentflower
August 14th, 2015 7:34am
It's not easy to tell them but you'll have to sooner or later.just speak your mind.they will support you.
missmonay
August 13th, 2015 4:13pm
tell them that you have to talk to them about something important... and when they start to listen to you begin with how you're completely sure about what you're about to tell them and that there's nothing they can say that will "change your mind." Tell them that you love them and you wanted to make sure they were aware of the situation because of how much they mean to you and that you know that they will accept you because you're still their son or daughter Then tell them that you're gay.
Staceyjane
August 13th, 2015 10:41am
Sit down and have a slow talk to them about how you feel and then tell them that your are gay your are there child so they will love you no matta what you are let them you need there support hopefully everyone will come away smiling being gay is not a bad thing
Anonymous
August 5th, 2015 3:47pm
If you're under eight teen and their family are homophobic, you could consider not telling them until they're eight teen so you're able to afford a house if your parents decide to kick you out. You should sit down with their parents, and inform them gently.