Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I tell my parents that I'm gay?

262 Answers
Last Updated: 06/11/2022 at 8:37pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Danielle Gonzales, PsyD

Psychologist

Hello! My name is Dani, I am a Psychologist and registered Psych Assistant. I have a passion for helping a different types of clients from all diverse backgrounds!

Top Rated Answers
5thousandmiles
August 9th, 2015 11:46pm
There's no easy way to 'come out' to your family. You can possibly find a way to lessen the shock if you have a general idea of their beliefs, but the best way in my opinion is to find a quiet time when you're together and to simply tell them.
eternalHero77
August 12th, 2015 4:09am
Be honest first of all. Recognize their views may be far different than yours. Be mindful of that. Don't dismiss but Acknowledge their views and show you understand their views while at the same time letting them know what you views are and where you stand in your sexuality.
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 1:39pm
What are some of the concerns you might have when you decide to tell your parents that you are gay? How do you see the conversation going, and what would be the response and reaction you would expect from them?
Anonymous
August 12th, 2015 8:38pm
I don't think there is just one way to come out as gay. It really depends on you, your family, beliefs, culture, etc. Maybe you could "feel them out" a little first with a little discussion on how they feel about gay people, in general....at least then, you'd know where they stand.
Anonymous
August 13th, 2015 2:28am
At times there can be a lot of pressure to come out to parents and families. It is important to remember, however, that there can be a lot of risk involved in doing so. If you are financially reliant on your parents, coming out can be even more risky. The same is true for those who live with their parents. If this is not a concern, there are many ways to come out! Some individuals choose to write a letter. Personally I sat down with my parents and cried. My mom started saying things like, "I know what it is". Things started out rough to be honest, but our relationship improved over time. Good luck.
Staceyjane
August 13th, 2015 10:41am
Sit down and have a slow talk to them about how you feel and then tell them that your are gay your are there child so they will love you no matta what you are let them you need there support hopefully everyone will come away smiling being gay is not a bad thing
missmonay
August 13th, 2015 4:13pm
tell them that you have to talk to them about something important... and when they start to listen to you begin with how you're completely sure about what you're about to tell them and that there's nothing they can say that will "change your mind." Tell them that you love them and you wanted to make sure they were aware of the situation because of how much they mean to you and that you know that they will accept you because you're still their son or daughter Then tell them that you're gay.
Innoncentflower
August 14th, 2015 7:34am
It's not easy to tell them but you'll have to sooner or later.just speak your mind.they will support you.
MaggieListens00
August 14th, 2015 7:36am
The isn't 'a way' to find out if you're gay and there isn't a rush to figure it out either. After all you have your entire life ahead of you but as cliché as it might sound experiment try and go to some LGBT events or interact with other people who are questioning their sexuality. I find that if you think about it it starts to make sense, can you see yourself with a boy, a girl or both. Some people are romantically attracted to males and females but only sexually to female for example. There isn't a set way you have to find your own way. :) I hope I shed some light on that :)
Anonymous
August 14th, 2015 9:57pm
It might not be easy, but the best way to do it is have them sit and you tell them you love them, and you expect the same from them. Tell them you are different and then tell them you are gay. Your parent do love you. I hope the best
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 6:54am
If you are sure you want to tell them, which it sounds as though you are then I think you should tell them. Your positive that your mother will understand, so I think you will feel more comfortable telling her first. If you tell her first she can be there to support you when you tell your father. You are their child, finding out whether or not you are gay will change nothing. I have had many friends who have told their parents they were gay, for some there was no problem both parents accepted it. Others ran into problems with their dads, but their dads got over it, all of them still live happily together.
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 12:02pm
First make them realise that being gay is not Bad. Then tell them you are gay and it is nature's gift to you and there is nothing wrong about it!!
Anonymous
August 15th, 2015 7:43pm
There are multiple hotlines you can call and speak with someone personally about what you need to do to prepare to come out.
Anonymous
August 16th, 2015 4:22pm
There is no easy way to tell your parents that your gay. Especially if they are heavy religious people. First if your a boy start with your mom. If your a girl start with your dad. Because you are the boy you have an special connection with your mother. If you wanted to still be excepted tell her first make sure your alone in an quiet environment. Just say mom we need to talk and tell her. If your an girl start doing some guy thing that your dad might like. Get him in his comfort zone and calmly tell him. Because of your father daughter bond it might be easier for him to accept it. Then the parent you tell will share the information to the other parent and you can all have an sit down and talk about it all together.
generousForest90
August 16th, 2015 8:22pm
Take it easy on yourself first. Remember regardless of their reaction you are perfect the way you are. I didn't sit down and talk to my parents, which I think may have been the reason we struggled so much. Sitting down and talking is the best way to tell someone I believe, even if you cannot find the words - write them down and allow them to read it. Remember when telling your parents/family you are gay they will have questions, and that's okay! Try and prepare yourself the best you can for their questions such as "How long have you been feeling this way..." Support is never far away, within your community, groups or even on 7 Cups of Tea. You are wonderfully crafted gay - straight - bisexual - transexual - pansexual - you are you and that's all that matters. When telling your family you news remember this. Take it easy on yourself!
friendlyboyman
October 1st, 2015 3:49pm
how do i tell dad i m gay. this is me real not faze, how do i admit myself and feleings to father in my life so i fcan enjoy parental experiences with later?
listenercat5678
September 25th, 2016 11:33pm
I came out to my parents by setting by wallpaper with "I'm Bisexual!" typed onto it. Since everyone sees my phone wallpaper, I didn't have to go through the trouble of saying it since I've got anxiety. This was just my experience. Good luck! 😊
ultramarineblue
October 22nd, 2016 3:36pm
In my opinion, I would straight up tell them, depending on your parents though, you might want to sit them down and talk to them about how your feeling, then tell them.
goodlife1997
November 11th, 2016 1:36pm
Sit with them. Tell them that you love them. They'd probably ask that why are you being so emotionally expressive today. And now you tell them that that is because there's an underlying reason. If they're caring, they'd be concerned and then it comes the best time to tell them how you feel about your sexuality.
Tinashe
November 12th, 2016 4:52am
If you are struggling with verbally telling your parents that you are intact gay, try writing it or expressing yourself in another way that may not be as hard. Theres no other way of laying the truth out than just saying it how it is! Honesty is the key!
bmg1994
November 13th, 2016 11:29am
What are their thoughts on LGBT+? Are they supporters of it all? Because if so its best to come out and just tell them. They might take it as a shock at first if you've never hinted at it for anything. If they are supporters of it, then I would say maybe try to open their minds up about it all, get them understanding everything, and then come out when you feel it's safe :).
turquoiseLemon4616
November 17th, 2016 7:17pm
I got you. You need to tell your parents that this is your life and your trying to find out why you aren't loving living it the way it is. The only way you are going to be happy is by being yourself. I know they might not agree but your parents love you and will be ok with it but it might take time. Just know that you need to go throw your life making decisions for yourself and not let your parents make life decisions for you
Bonnie1
November 21st, 2016 5:14pm
Timing is everything. Pick a time when they are not focused on something else, when they are in a good mood and ready to listen. Think about what you want to say. If you are nervous, practice telling them before you do it. Practicing with a good friend would be optimal, but you can try in front of a mirror. When you feel confident, then do it.
avanef
March 15th, 2017 8:42pm
You tell them when you're ready and when you want to. It's up to you and this is your life and your happiness. If you don't think they need to know, then don't tell them. Not to mention, before you tell anyone about who you are, you need to love and accept who you are. Once you do that, you'll be able to just block out those who don't accept or love you regardless who you are. But don't let anyone make you feel bad or not normal for who you are.
gentleWinter41
May 7th, 2017 8:13am
Be reminded that your parents love you. Keep this in mind to calm any anxiety. Sit them down or choose the method most suitable to your family that will see you guys being more or less alone in a comfortable setting. Tell them you are gay. You can stop talking here to let them direct it to wherever they want to if you wish or you may add anything else that you need to disclose. If this does not work for you, an old fashioned letter strategically timed and placed, could also work. This would effectively make your parents come to you if you are afraid to go to them.
sereneHoliday44
May 15th, 2017 6:29am
That is a tough one i concede but there can always be a way to be found. You can try and talk with your parents when they are in good mood and get talking about life in general and slowly come to the topic and by asking their opinions about such matters just hinting on them just to get how they feel about the topic and leave it at that for time being and get a bit more closer to disclosure the next time. If you make a slow progress and not give a shock
DramaticalValentine
June 8th, 2017 5:56am
Actually it depends. I am a lesbian. I came out to my parents when I was 18. They are your parents so they'll definitely understand. You can simply be frank and just go and tell them. This is what I did. Don't wait for that 'perfect moment' because it's never going to come. Just relax yourself and tell them. They love you :-) They'll definitely understand.
Anonymous
June 26th, 2020 1:26pm
pick a quiet, calm time when you tell people, which will give you all time to talk about it. remember that coming out may be more of a process than an event. 6 If family or friends react in a negative way, it won't necessarily be how they always feel. give them time to get used to the news. but, if you dont feel comfortable saying the words ¨i am gay¨, then you could find a coming out song, and send it to them, or this way is fun, hide hints around the house, for example saying go to couch, and then have there be a note there saying go to tree, in backyard, etc. until they get to a note that says im gay.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2020 12:17am
It sounds like this is something that might have caused you quite a bit of anxiety. The only person that would know how to do it best is you. You would understand how your parents would react. I can't give you any advice because it might not be helpful or even relevant to the situation that you are in. I understand that you might fear that your parents may react in a very drastic way to your confession. What do you think is the best case scenario or the worst case scenario for how telling your parents that you are gay could work out?
doubtfi
August 20th, 2020 4:41am
There are a variety of ways depending on how secure you feel with them, as well as what you know their outlook on the LGBT+ community is. One choice is not coming out at all, and rather just bringing home your partner and introducing them then. A different option would be to sit them down before an event (work, sleep, school, etc.) and tell them, this way they will be able to think about things when they're not immediately next to you, and that will hopefully give them time to become supportive if they aren't immediately. If you think there's no way of them reacting badly, you can have more fun with it! Maybe send a little gif or video their way, announcing it that way. Good luck!