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I am a first time parent. How do I deal with my child's temper tantrums without losing temper myself? I am always frightened I am being judged when this happens in public.

17 Answers
Last Updated: 05/01/2018 at 11:31pm
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Top Rated Answers
RebeccaH
January 19th, 2015 5:50am
I work as a nanny, so I know all about tantrums! Temper tantrums are a normal part of childhood. They are a normal response to frustration in children, as they are not yet equipped to express themselves or their needs very well. When you're at home, it's often best to just let the child have the tantrum. Explain to her calmly that you will listen to her once she is able to calm down. If you're in public, take your child to a secluded spot to allow her to calm down. You can help this process by teaching her self-calming techniques that she can use, like deep breathing, counting, or singing a special song. Reinforcing this will help her learn to calm herself down when she's upset. Whatever you do, try not to give in to her demands! She will quickly learn that when she has a tantrum, she is rewarded with whatever she wants! This will lead to many future tantrums. Instead, calmly ask what the issue is, and help her to solve it.
Randy1
March 12th, 2015 8:11pm
Might I recommend you read a book called "Parenting with Love and Logic" and also one called "The Whole Brained Child." Both give interesting insight into tantrums. Bottom line, children get emotionally overwhelmed easily, and we as parents must learn not to take it personally, because it is not.
Adesa
October 26th, 2015 6:41am
The best way to deal with a tantrum is to ignore it. When a child has a tantrum, it's no different to an "epileptic" fit. There is NO REASONING with a child who is literally having a temper seizure. You will notice the child feels quite exhausted after the tantrum. An enormous amount of energy is taken by this display of anger. This is extremely depleting. for you and the child. Ignore the child and pretend to be consumed by something else without leaving the child alone. Stay close by, making sure you can see the child but simply breath and look away as if it's not bothering you in the slightest. The length of these tantrums will decrease and eventually disappear. Reasoning or reprimanding a child in the middle of a tantrum is all to depleting. People will always look or comment but try not to let it get you feeling embarrassed. Only those who experienced the effects of tantrum child will empathize- breath, sing in your head, think about something nice and show no expression of anger etc. the child soon learns his or her tantrums CARRY NO WEIGHT! Hope this is helpful. They do grow up quicker than you imagine 😊. Even during a tantrum, a child will throw themselves down where there is a clear SPACE so not to injure themselves. This is proof that there is some degree of control prior to the tantrum being blown out of proportion- all the best! πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•
Woventhread01
February 8th, 2015 8:31pm
Anyone who is a parent has probably been there. It sounds like you are doing the best you can. Try to take a deep breath and stay calm when you are dealing with your child's temper tantrums. It can be tough to not take it personally, but children non't see the situation the same way we do as parents. And none of us is perfect. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. The fact that you are asking this questions says a lot about you as a parent!
Anonymous
June 6th, 2015 12:03pm
Here is an unpopular solution. Don't give into your child's demands. As a teen, I once had a babysitting job for a toddler girl and a baby boy. I was told that the little girl held her breathe when she didn't get her own way. So, they had glasses of water around the house to throw on her to make her breathe. I knew right away I wasn't going to do that. She didn't try anything at first. But, the first time she did, I said, "Go ahead" and turned and walked away. She never did it for me again.
DandelionPrincess
February 2nd, 2016 5:27pm
I have two kids and the best way to handle it is the calmest way. No one is judging you. Just pick your child up and put them in the cart and tell them that when they calm down they can get back out but until then they will sit there. People will think highly of you for not spanking or getting upset with them.
bestTruth96
January 14th, 2015 3:21am
Remember you toddler doesn't understand. Their tantrum is showing you that. He's mad because he can't watch his show or throws food because he is done eating.
Jessicacroftxox
May 1st, 2015 4:48pm
Take a step back, Take a deep breath, count to three. Then talk to your child calmly, explain that their behaviour is naughty and you are not going to give them anymore attention. Then proceed with what you were doing, your child should react to you not giving them what they want, your attention.
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 2:04pm
Parenthood is one of the hardest things in life to deal with. I would suggest you find alternative methods to deal with the tantrums. There are many self help guides out there that can give you advice on non agressive ways to handle the situations. Good luck, it's not easy, keep a strong mind :-)
Anonymous
September 15th, 2015 1:48pm
You fear losing your temper when your child throws a tantrum. A lot of people would feel this way, I am sure you are not the only one. Breathe deeply and calmly.
Anonymous
January 19th, 2016 12:55pm
stay calm and get the child to stop and then things will be better and try to not loose your cool or the child will not calm down .
DecisiveDeclan99
February 1st, 2016 11:56pm
It's not easy being a parent, everyone parents they're children differently, you just do what you think is best,
Anonymous
March 18th, 2016 7:38pm
Well often this could be a sign of your child having a disorder and they should be checked by a professional but I would recommend that you keep them away from public places till they learn how to cope with public stress.
HelpinJoe
August 22nd, 2016 5:24am
One thing that helps me not lose my temper is to take a deep breath before responding. We are too quick to respond to our little ones and instead should be patient with them. Give the child your undivided attention, find out the problem and respond to it in a relaxed way.
Adeline13
April 24th, 2017 10:24am
Calmly ask your child to stop. Maybe find a toy that will settle them down, or a movie or book you can read to them. It will upset them if you lose it too.
considerateRiver61
October 23rd, 2017 12:55pm
To help you to stop loosing your temper after your child is loosing his tantrum. The only way is to breathe in and out 4 seconds in and 4 seconds out. You should feel yourself calming down after a while then once you have calmed down. That is when you deal with the situation. I know it can be embarrassing with everyone looking when out in public but do not pay the public attention. the important thing is to calm down your situation rather than trying to calm it down because everyone is looking. Just do it for yourself rather than others.
endearingLion70
May 1st, 2018 11:31pm
Tantrums are a natural thing so no one is judging. The best way to deal with them is not be stressed, don't give up and do not be drawn into a fight. If the child is throwing one in public, pick him up and walk away.