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I'm considering giving up custody of my child. How do I decide?

15 Answers
Last Updated: 01/17/2022 at 5:30am
1 Tip to Feel Better
South Africa
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Claudette Pretorius, MA Counselling Psychology

Licensed Professional Counselor

I know how overwhelming it can feel when you're having a tough time. I offer clients a space that is non-judgemental and empathetic whilst navigating these times together.

Top Rated Answers
November 28th, 2014 10:19pm
Think of why you want to give up your child. Think in terms of how happy am I with my child, how is life with my child, now imagine life without that child and the possibility of never having your child again. Look into their eyes and make that decision, because when you stare into their eyes, you will never feel a bond stronger than that moment. If you can look into their eyes and tell yourself you'll be okay without them, then maybe it is a good idea to give them up, if you look into their eyes and can't imagine another life, well then you have your answer.
November 3rd, 2014 10:00am
Determine whether or not you will be able to give the child a happy life. Are you able to afford all of the child's necessities? Are you going to be able to be there when they need you most? Questions like these are something to consider.
December 27th, 2014 12:51am
This is a tough decision and I'm sorry to hear you have to make it! I would start with weighing out what is best for the child and what I can change. For example, if I feel that I cannot financially provide for my child and I cannot change that, I would consider that a reason to give up custody. Another scenario might be I am unable to care for my child because I cannot handle the responsibilities. I would ask myself "Is it possible for me to get help and/or improve my ability to handle these responsibilities?" If not, perhaps I would have to consider giving up custody for the betterment of the child's future. To conclude, it comes down to how much I am able to change to ensure a safe and loving environment for my child. If I cannot make those changes, then I would have to look at other options. I wholeheartedly believe one of the greatest acts of love can be giving a child to someone who is able to provide a better life for them. it is one of the ultimate acts of selflessness if done with the right intent.
December 22nd, 2014 1:58am
Giving up custody is an extremely heavy choice. To ensure this is more of a permanent feeling rather than situational, I would recommend reaching out to your loved ones and perhaps even a professional. Is this really what you want? Is there a way you could prevent this? Is there a way you could alleviate this feeling? These are questions they can help you answer, but ultimately you know yourself better than anyone else. Reaching out can help discover this answer so you truly discover what you're feeling.
December 8th, 2014 3:44pm
Only do it if you're for sure that it would be best for you child. Do you think that the other person would be better for your child? Try not to be selfish in this situation. Think about the future and the relationship you'd have with your child.
May 22nd, 2015 3:43am
IN TODAY’S increasingly secular world, people in general give little thought to God. Yet, our Creator is interested in us and wants us to succeed in life. His feelings are well expressed at Isaiah 41:10: “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. . . . I will really help you.”
June 14th, 2015 7:58pm
This is not a decision anyone can make for you but just think of what is best for your child and yourself. If you feel you are not capable of taking care of your child and/or feel they would be better suited with the other parent then maybe it would be a good idea but the decision is ultimately up to you!:) Do what you feel is best for you both:)
March 13th, 2018 11:32pm
This is a very complicated decision and depends on many variables including financial and emotional situation. You might want to speak with someone who know the situation better
December 2nd, 2014 6:07am
It depends on how you feel about the situation, and what you believe is best for you and your child.
December 15th, 2015 8:21pm
First think about how much joy your child is. Giving up something so special is heart breaking and it will hurt for a long time.
June 2nd, 2019 2:47am
The most important thing to consider is if you are able to provide safety and security in a loving environment. I would consider what support systems you now have in place. Raising a child is a tough job ! You need people who you can rely on for emotional support and also coping/parenting strategies for when things get tough. In the end, it is really all about what is best for your child. If you are not able to care for your child, that does not mean that you will never be able to. It is possible that you might have to step back for awhile until you can provide for them.
February 20th, 2016 4:42am
This is a very serious decision that will affect you the rest of your life. Giving up custody means that you will most likely not gain custody back unless something horrible happens. Nobody wants that! The best thing for you to do when making this decision is determine why you wish to give up custody. Is in the best interest of your child?
December 18th, 2014 5:07am
This is one of the hardest things that a person has to deal with and it is a choice that cannot be made lightly. As much as it frustrates people to say, this is a decision that can only be made by the people involved. You have to look at all of your options and make sure that this is the right choice for you and your family.
Anonymous - Expert in Parenting
March 26th, 2015 10:26pm
There are many things to take into consideration with that. You need to ask yourself if you can provide adequately for your child (love, support, necessities, etc.). If you can't come up with an answer, seek advice.
January 17th, 2022 5:30am
This must be so hard for you. Nobody can tell you how to feel or what to do, but consider this... Will giving up custody of your child be better for them in the long run? The most beautiful thing a parent can do is to be selfless instead of selfish. If you are giving your child up to give them better than you are able to give them in whatever sense of the word, then I applaud you. So many times, parents cling to their innocent babies and I understand why, but to love that child enough to set them free and allow them to flourish, that is one of the most honorable, courageous acts a human being could ever make. I truly hope the best for you and your child as well as the other party involved, just please educate yourself on your rights and duties, and take enough time to make an informed decision in the right state of mind. Make an intellectual, not emotional decision. Good luck, and thank you for sharing. I am rooting for you all!