My child says they are transgender, how do I cope with this?

19 Answers
Last Updated: 07/02/2018 at 10:40am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Penny Dahlen, Ed.D., LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I am committed to helping you find your passion, heal old wounds, and flow smoother in all aspects of your life path! I use a compassionate listening approach.

Top Rated Answers
Roadie - Expert in Parenting
December 21st, 2014 5:51pm
With the love and support that a parent should show to their child regardless. No matter your child's gender identity, your role as a parent does not change and what your child looks to you for does not change.
Spiderman93
November 23rd, 2014 1:18am
Just know that your child is still your child, no matter what they identify as. They will need your support and will love you no matter what!
JeremyPascal
October 30th, 2014 12:12am
Ask your child what they want you to do (like call them by their prefered name and prefered pronouns
Randy1
March 12th, 2015 8:27pm
At the risk of sounding perhaps a bit harsh, perhaps the better question would be "How do I help my child cope?" Perhaps by helping your child, you will help yourself. Helping others is in of itself quite empowering.
Anonymous
August 31st, 2015 4:33am
Accept them as they are. Try to understand they can't help it as sexuality is something internal which is can not be changed.
Lalaxoxo
January 2nd, 2016 5:30pm
Let's go back to when you was pregnant. Remember when you was pregnant, am I correct when I say when you didn't care what gender they are, as long as they're healthy. Yes, they have grown up as a gender and you've been spending all their life as the gender they was born into this world as. However, if they feel like it's not them, then you need to learn to accept it as I believe you wouldn't have minded if you gave birth to the opposite gender so it shouldn't make a difference. Of course, being in your shoes, it must be hard to process, however if this is how they feel then their happiness is the most important thing to us.
Greatlistener87
February 22nd, 2016 3:21am
Talk to your child to find out why he/she made the decision in the 1st place and let him/her explain to you on how they feel on doing so.
Matic
October 26th, 2014 1:46pm
You should try to talk to him about it and seek professional counsil if needed. Most importantly don't pressure him or her to change.
Tanya26
December 4th, 2014 11:27am
Accept it! It's hard, I'm sure. I've never personally dealt with this but I do believe that everyone deserves to be accepted with who they are. They didn't ask to have those feelings, it just happened. They need the people they love most to support it, and that would be you!
wallflowermusic98
December 15th, 2014 9:17pm
Accept them for who they are. It's a difficult thing to do, so be proud of their courage to come "out of the closet" Support them and be there for them.
Letmeknowbts
December 18th, 2014 2:36am
You can always search for more information about it. Support and listening it's always important.
Anonymous
December 29th, 2014 9:29pm
They're your child. They're no different then who they are now. They're expressing themselves and growing. Just because they are transgender doesn't mean you didn't raise them right. The fact that they're a great person, that they're happy, that they even feel comfortable to tell you this, should help you with your unease. It's not something easily to accept but give it time to.
AbbieAlexis
April 10th, 2015 4:30pm
Accept them. Be there for them. It might be difficult but make sure they know that you love them either way and that you are always going to be there by their side. They are going to need you, so don't leave them. Just try and know that thats still your child, the one you care about and love, no matter what
PoliteOcean
August 31st, 2015 9:35pm
This can be a difficult and overwhelming situation for a parent to deal with. The best thing to do is to "listen" and "talk" with your child about what they are feeling and experiencing. If you are unable to deal with or cope with what they are saying or telling you, perhaps seeking further assistance with a child psychologist, counselor or therapist can help you both through the feelings that you are experiencing.
SethK
December 27th, 2015 6:57am
First, it's important to realize that it's not your fault nor their fault that they are this way; neither of you did anything wrong that "caused" your child to be Transgender. Like thousands of others, that's just the way your child was born (ie just like your child was born with a certain personality that neither of you had a say about). That being said, having a Transgender child can be both confusing and difficult for both you and them. Your role in respect to your child is to realize that he/she is probably going through a super difficult time and needs and craves the stability of your love and acceptance for who they are - now more than ever. Of course for yourself it might be helpful for you to join an online or in person "parents of LGBTsupport group. " this can help you process everything, clear confusion, and give you hope for what can initially look like a negative future. Of course, a healthier,less confused parent will mean a healthier child as well. Like all children, your child too can succeed and be happy with the proper love and acceptance. Good luck!
LuminusOasis
August 29th, 2016 12:34am
Absolutely fine! save my personal opinion, my child's happiness is what matters. I'd want them to truly explore.
RumpleSteeleSkin
February 20th, 2017 5:46am
Sexual identity in our kids is confusing a bit. I can only say to try and understand them, validate how they are feeling and thinking, support them in questions they have, or reach out for things they can read or a person they can talk with. Just don't push them away-but embrace them they are your "baby" still no matter what. Good luck
courageousJoy86
April 3rd, 2018 9:19pm
Accept them no matter what. Their gender doesn't change the little human that you raised, shared laughs and hugs, that loved you unconditionally. Try to document on it, what it means to be transgender, and try to understand and support them
endearingLion70
July 2nd, 2018 10:40am
They are the one who need to cope, you are the one who needs to be there for support and acceptance for them.