My partner and I can't agree about how to bring up our child, what should I do?

14 Answers
Last Updated: 02/23/2016 at 1:47am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Andrea McDonald, MSW, LICSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

It is important to know that you are not alone, life can be difficult I am here to help you navigate and resolve issues that can feel overwhelming.

Top Rated Answers
Stephen373
December 27th, 2014 4:14pm
Ultimately raising a child is going to require compromise. You and your partner should sit down together, civilly, and discuss all your options and explain why you feel why you do. You may not get exactly what you want every time but a good partnership will come to a good conclusion. It's important to remember that the welfare of the child is most important not who is right/wrong or who always gets their way, etc.
Okazaki
November 2nd, 2014 5:42pm
Think about what is best for the child, never try to force your own opinions or beliefs on him/her. Try to find a middle ground with your partner.
Surrender
January 8th, 2015 10:56pm
I suggest you settle on a compromise? Both of your opinions are important. See if there's anything you do agree on, and start from there.
GoodGuyChad
October 28th, 2014 7:20pm
You probably agree on many aspects of parenting. What are those? What are your goals? Chances are you agree on many goals but disagree on a few methods.
Anonymous
October 29th, 2014 5:27am
You should sit together and discuss about the issue , try to compromise and accept each others plan, with this you people can find out a solution. But you people need to sit on one table for the sake of your child
Anonymous
October 30th, 2014 9:29pm
I would suggest a meeting with a mediator. If you really can't agree, it may be better to get support with this situation.
DesertForBreakfast
November 2nd, 2014 5:15pm
Well, they're your partner! Living with someone, you have to find common ground in all major decisions. Such is especially true when raising a child. If you both feel so strongly about one facet of the child's upbringing you should each make a "presentation" that highlights the benefits, and the negatives of each respective opinion/option.
calmsteve
November 2nd, 2014 11:33pm
There has to be some kind of common ground. you both have to learn how to negotiate your side of the argument and come to conclusions that benefit the child.
HeresSomeoneWhoCares
November 7th, 2014 3:14am
You should have a warming up conversation,, both sides should give opinions and understand each other
bubblingKitty76
January 5th, 2015 12:45pm
Hi. Congratulations on being a parent. I know that this can create a lot of tension, as both of you want what is best for the child. There are many "schools of thought" on how to bring your child - being a best-friend kind of parent, imposing authority, supporting and pushing, teaching by example etc. You probably have two different mindsets and most times it's not confusing for a child to have one friendly parent and one supporting and pushing to achieve parent. Reading a few books about the stage your child is in might help (not to few to make you feel like you didn't prepare, not to many so that you will not get totally confused).So in some cases, having it both ways is an option - you come with your school of thought, he comes with his, other times compromising is best. The way I understand compromise is this - we talk about it, bring arguments and meet in the middle ground (we can celebrate both muslim and christian holidays for example). Compromise is not "I don't want to argue anymore so we will do it your way". But yea, don't worry, as long as you two do not argue in front of your child about decisions regarding him/her, two different approaches will not confuse the child too much.
Anonymous
April 23rd, 2015 6:05pm
Talk about your methods and desires. If you can't agree on one way or the other, seek compromise.
ClaireyMarie
July 20th, 2015 1:10pm
Talk about it, don't fight. Sit down and discuss what things you want, and explain why you think that is the best way. Try negotiate, or at least just do it as you go, because all children's needs are different and any plans you have for your child's future may not work out anyway.
PoliteOcean
August 31st, 2015 8:46pm
If you and a partner have differences on how to raise a child, there could be chaos and overwhelming feelings on what to do. And the child will be the one to suffer from being caught in the middle and not having proper structure and going through two sets of rules and regulations. You could sit down with one another and try to devise a written plan with the rules you both set forth together. If you feel that you cannot do this together and its not making progress, try to speak with a family counselor to help guide you though your feelings over the areas of conflict.
Greatlistener87
February 23rd, 2016 1:47am
Everyone will have their own perspective on bringing up children of their own. Its good if you guys can sit and discuss it before applying it on your kids. Cause you do not want the kids to be emotionally confused.