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Why do I have an anxiety about planning to become a parent even though I'm in a stable relationship?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 08/31/2020 at 9:46pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
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Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
July 23rd, 2015 3:44pm
It's completely normal to feel anxious about becoming a parent. It's a normal human emotion to be worried or scared about things that are unknown to us, and in fact shows what a great parent you will be. It's a worry that affects everyone, even those in stable relationships, those who are emotionally and financially secure, most people never truly feel "ready" and have many fears, but it has no bearing whatsoever on the kind of parent you will be or how you will adapt to your new life with a baby. When I found out I was pregnant with my daughter I was terrified! I confided in my Midwife, who told me she became a midwife before having her children, and even she, as a trained midwife who knew all there was to know about pregnancy, birth and babies still felt very scared and daunted herself. It's a completely natural way to feel. I was so scared when I was pregnant I would often cry about it. I had zero experience with babies and worried a lot about the birth and being a mother, but the moment my daughter was born all my worries went away. Talking to friends and relatives may help with this, and if you do become pregnant don't hesitate to confide in your midwife or doctor, but know you are very much no alone in feeling this way.
February 19th, 2015 3:21am
Because you care! Planning to have and raise a tiny human is a big commitment, and when you care a lot-that can create anxiety around it. There are a lot of societal and cultural pressures as well that can influence how we feel about becoming a parent and raising kids. The important thing to know, is that being a loving, supportive and caring parent is the most important thing. Sure, you'll mess some things up (and your kid will mess LOTS of things up...literally), but what they need from you is your love-to know that you are in it with them for the long-haul. Kids need that more than cheerios, Dora, or the latest iPhone.
Anonymous - Expert in Parenting
May 14th, 2015 9:07pm
Having a child is a big decision and a big life change. The anxiety is because you recognize that. If you have the support of your partner, there's nothing to worry about!
July 12th, 2016 11:29pm
Becoming a parent is a huge, huge thing. It changes your whole life and can seem overwhelming and daunting at times. Just remember that you're never alone, there are lots of people going through the same as you. Most of us are winging it and have no idea what we're doing most of the time. Everyone messes up sometimes, just remember there's no such thing as a perfect parent
April 28th, 2015 1:30am
Parenthood is a lifelong commitment. Go into it with all your heart or not at all. This is the only way to succeed.
February 20th, 2016 4:32am
Anxiety about planning a family is perfectly normal! It is a huge step in life where you go from being a single person to having a family (even if you're married). That little baby that will melt your heart will cause you anxiety the rest of your life, and in my experience, I pay it gladly.
July 5th, 2016 2:13pm
I don't personally think that any responsible adult is fully ready and anxiety free when it comes to children. Raising kids is such an important and impactful responsibility, no matter where people are in their parenting journey, there will be anxieties. It might be helpful to talk to your partner about your feelings and theirs. Also it's important to remember that not every adult in a relationship becomes a parent, and it's perfectly fine to never have children.
August 16th, 2016 9:45pm
I'm sure every parent feels like this at some point. just the idea of having a life you are responsible for is jittery. Keep in mind that you have a loving partner to help you along with it
May 8th, 2015 8:16pm
Parenting is one of life's biggest responsibilities and biggest changes that can occur. Nothing is ever the same after you become a parent and life as you know it will never be the same. Anxiety is a normal part of the journey-there is a lot of fear around will I be good at it? Am I ready? Can I be a good parent? Will I be able to teach my child and love them enough? Those are all normal questions to ask. The important part to remember is that it is a journey and you learn as you go. Do the best you can and embrace the changes. Be grateful for the blessings of creating life.
June 14th, 2015 10:31pm
Even though you are in a stable relationship or environment, it still is scary because of the unknown. When you know something, we don't get as much anxiety, but when the unknown surfaces, it becomes a bumpy and scary ride.
July 27th, 2015 6:22pm
Anxiety can be an indication of many things. My definition of anxiety - simply stated - fear of the unknown. So perhaps, it's a good time to stop - take inventory of your anxiety. Breathe deeply ; and ask yourself if now is maybe a good time to connect with a listener, forum, friend, or counselor.
February 16th, 2016 1:36am
It could be a bad past experience that causes the anxiety or just cold feet. Either way you will never know how it will work till you try it.
February 20th, 2018 12:22am
Anxiety is our bodies natural reaction to changes that we are unaware of and may not have control over. Having a sense of Control is an essential portion of who we are as individuals. It is normal to feel anxiety when family planning is up for discussion, after all we want to be the best parent, guide and source for future children.
April 10th, 2018 3:33pm
Being a parent is a big step so it is natural to be anxious about it. Most people sense some stress about this big change
June 11th, 2019 4:30pm
you often feel this way since you’re stepping into another chapter of your life and it can become scary. being a parent is a whole different responsibility. it can make you think if you’re doing everything right or if you’re doing anything wrong but really, it shouldnt be that scary. being a parent is of course tough but you were meant to be a parent for a reason and you should never think that you’re doing something wrong ON PURPOSE. you could do something wrong on accident, but a mistake or two mistakes or even more than 5 mistakes, those mistakes dont define who you are or who you have become. those mistakes only push you to become a better parent and to become a better person. if anything, those mistakes can help you to learn! learn what you didnt already know, and making mistakes as a parent, i know is tough, but its life and its how life works. being a parent is just another step into opening up a new and great and amazing chapter of your life!
August 31st, 2020 9:46pm
Sometimes the unknown can cause a lot of stress and anxiety. I have two kids of my own and had anxiety with both of them because you want to succeed and sometimes with parenting you don't always feel that way. Is there another reason that you feel anxiety when thinking of becoming a parent? Are your parents still together or did they divorce at some point in your life? Have you and your partner discussed having kids or not having kids during your relationship and would you be able to have tell them your thoughts and feelings about having kids