Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How can I stop being insecure in my relationship?

260 Answers
Last Updated: 05/10/2022 at 7:03am
How can I stop being insecure in my relationship?
★ This question about Relationship Stress was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
July 23rd, 2015 1:50am
you to are together don't spend your time worrying on insecurities, they like you for you (: and if they are with you should be very accepting of the person you are.
July 25th, 2015 3:56am
Being secure in a relationship is very important. Seeking assurance through reality is the most important. The focus should not be on confusing imagination with reality. Each partner must share and communicate what is on their mind and in turn will result in open communicative relationship.
August 6th, 2015 1:56pm
It may be important to start by challenging your thinking to examine if your insecurities are stemming from faulty thinking or thoughts that are not based on real events.
August 15th, 2015 1:18am
Remember that love is given to all beings on the planet equally. Love binds us together, reminds us to find our hearts and forgive those who have wronged us. By letting go of expectations from your partner, you remind yourself that they're not perfect and that you cant be perfect either. Remember to love yourself and your partner.
December 31st, 2015 7:00pm
First it’s your relationship with yourself which you really need to work on. It all starts from accepting yourself. It’s impossible for somebody to accept you if you can’t accept yourself. Love yourself the way you are and be proud of everything that you do, even your mistakes. Because even mistakes mean you are trying. People don’t love us because we are perfect. Had it’s been the case, nobody would have found love as nobody is perfect. People love us because how we make them feel about themselves. Love is all about accepting, specially accepting the things which are imperfect. So, if it is a real relationship there is no point of feeling insecure. Otherwise you still have to find somebody who can love you the way you are.
January 1st, 2016 3:45am
Learning how to boost your self esteem is hugely important to do. It helps ease insecurities in all areas of your life, including relationships.
January 6th, 2016 5:04pm
I am an easily jealous person who can get jealous when I see my girlfriend talking with some other guys randomly. Eventually, I realised I overthink too much and noticed that I don't appreciate myself enough. I would suggest you to learn to love yourself by telling yourself that you love who you are every morning. You need to learn to love yourself before you can feel secure in a relationship because only then will you know how lovable you are :)
January 13th, 2016 8:22pm
Try to remember that there are over 7 billion people on this world and only one of you. Everything that you are is utterly unique to you. If someone is with with you - they are with YOU. For all that you are. That includes the things you love about yourself, the things you might not like about yourself and all the things in the middle - the things you don't even see in yourself. Think about why you are insecure? Are they triggers? Is this a pattern? If you can't talk to your partner about this, talk to a close friend if you can.
June 9th, 2016 12:36pm
Communication is key in any good and healthy relationship. Talk it out with your partner, that way they can make you feel more at ease.
November 18th, 2014 2:47am
Develop clear lines of communication with your partner. This is the key to any type of trust. If you communicate that it makes you feel uncomfortable in any given situation by using I feel statements you are more likely to receive a positive response that will help the situation become healthier for both of you.
December 9th, 2014 6:36am
Talk to him or her about it, and come up with a solution that will help you, and that your boyfriend or girlfriend is okay with.
December 19th, 2014 7:53am
It can help to explore your insecurities. What thing(s) are you afraid of happening? Many insecurities can be best dealt with on your own through: journaling, self-soothing, positive self-talk, distractions, and taking actions to do positive things in your relationship (plan dates, write cute notes, cuddle, have a movie night, go for a walk together, things you enjoy). Sometimes though, our insecurities need to be addressed as a team. It helps to let your partner know what you are afraid of, what you have been doing or want to do on your own to help reassure and comfort yourself, and ways that you think they might be able to help. Your partner might be able to: hold you, tell you they love you, do nice things with you... Be wary though of asking your partner to stop doing things like seeing other people, talking to certain people, or doing things they enjoy. This might be useful in some situations, but it's typically best to try other solutions first.
July 8th, 2015 1:23am
It depends on the situation. If you and your partner and treating each other well, yet you feel lesser or inferior to them, you should consider taking some time to yourself. No, that doesn't necessarily mean breaking up if you are happy with this person. But the first step to a healthy relationship is independent confidence. If your partner is bringing you down emotionally and/or physically, find the strength to end it. It will be hard at first. You will want to sob. You will regret it. But then, looking back, you won't regret it. You'll smile and realize you did the right thing. If you are happy with your relationship, you are confident, and your partner treats you well, there can still be other outside stressers like people who judge you as a couple or unapproving family members. Either overcome and learn to work past these negative comments or hear out those doubters because, if they are loved ones, their input may be more valuable than you think.
July 8th, 2015 1:28pm
In my relationships, I've always felt very insecure- so this is a question I can really relate to! Its helpful to remind yourself that your partner is with you because they choose to be. They could leave you, but they dont... they want to be with YOU and nobody else. It helps me to remember this when I feel anxious about how things are.
July 9th, 2015 7:22pm
To me, everyone is probably insecure in a new relationship. But as time goes by, insecurity would decrease.
July 12th, 2015 9:00pm
ask yourself if someone was checking up on you how would you feel. walk in someone elses shoes for a minute and decide what you would feel. if you ave no reason other than a bad feeling then work on learning to trust
July 16th, 2015 4:34am
You need to work on yourself and realize that you are a great person to be with. Know that the person you are seeing is with you for a reason. Jealousy and insecurities ruin relationships
July 22nd, 2015 3:04am
You have to start by working on yourself. Thats a problem you have that is coming out in the relationship you're in right now. Speaking from prior experience better yourself, and control your thoughts. We all get negative thoughts but we are stronger than our mind. The mind will always play tricks on you. Unless you have reasons for feeling insecure.
July 22nd, 2015 5:23am
you can stop being insecure by having respect for yourself. Having respect for yourself, your body and your significant other will change things. You need to be able to voice your opinion and make sure the relationship is two ways, not just one person dictating on what happens.
July 22nd, 2015 10:04pm
By becoming secure in yourself. Until you are confident in who you are as a person, your insecurities will naturally manifest themselves in every area of your life. Try recognizing what some of your strengths and weaknesses are, and improving on each of them in turn.
July 24th, 2015 10:42am
Well, that's a very vague question :) What makes you feel insecure? If it's your partner, then you'll have to rethink the whole relationship! Relationship is about being relational- hopefully, positively relational. But that's not always the case, is it? It's a struggle to love yourself if the one you love makes you feel incompetent. If your partner doesn't treat you amazingly, for no reason at all, then leave the relationship. If it does not make you happy, simply leave. If it's an issue with yourself, well, maybe work yourself out first before getting in a relationship. Loving yourself may look daunting for now, but believe me, it's even harder to love when you cannot even love yourself :) Looking for a positive relationship? Just leave me a message :)
July 25th, 2015 5:39am
Insecurity in a relationship can be a sign of uncomfort within a relationship. You could always approach your partner about how you feel and try to work from that point onwards.
July 29th, 2015 5:17pm
In my experience, we all have insecurities about something. When I feel insecure about a relationship, I typically take a few minutes to journal what specifically is causing my feeling insecure. Most of the time, initially I find that the insecurity is pointed at my partner, and after journaling for a while, I find out the real reason behind my feeling. Sometimes it's because I haven't done enough to take care of my own needs. Sometimes it's because of a past relationship that was toxic. The good news is, I can typically get what I need by going for a walk outside, reading a book, talking with a friend, or another trusted advisor. The key for me to help lessen my feeling of insecurity is to take personal inventory of what it is I need, remind myself that I'm not in a toxic relationship, and not blame or punish my partner in any way for my own feelings.
July 29th, 2015 9:26pm
Sometimes accepting we are not perfect and that we all have flaws or things to improve can make us feel less insecure. We can’t possibly know what to do at all times, or what to say, or how to react. Life is a constant learning process! Just be yourself and enjoy the ride!
July 31st, 2015 11:27am
By dumping that person and saying goodbye because it is NOT okay that someone makes you feel insecure or upset. You should feel happy and comfortable and know that this person will always be there for you.
August 2nd, 2015 9:39pm
Insecurity tends to go away when you spend more time with one another. The more you know about one another, the more flaws you learn about and then you feel more comfortable with your own flaws.
August 6th, 2015 2:41am
An insecurity in a relationship is rooted in an insecurity with oneself; if you are not a happy person, being in a relationship offers hollow happiness. It's like eating junk food when you are hungry, you will be full for a little bit but soon you are hungry again. Being happy with who you are is like eating protein; you are full for a long time. I know that when I am insecure with myself, being in a relationship will only flesh those insecurities out into the surface.
August 7th, 2015 4:18am
What do you think a RELATIONSHIP is all about? Don't you think TRUST plays a vital role.The reason for insecurity is the lack of trust on other person which might hamper your realtions.You don't want your partner to call you always n at anytime that might become a frustration after repetitive steps. All you have to do is be realistic and try to see the actual sight of love in the partner's actions as well as thoughts.Share appropriate amount of feelings with your partner and explain him the "insecurity " you go through when he/she talks with another person of opposite sex.Am sure both will be having the same problems as it's a part of human psychology......This is how you should maintain your relationships....There should not be even a slight of insecurity when he/she checks your Mobile phone whether you are doing smthng that the partner has in mind. .. Be it open minded
August 8th, 2015 1:39am
Communication, communication, communication. Check out the relationship advice of Dan Savage. If you don't like him, talk to a listener here on 7 Cups about what makes you feel insecure in your relationship.
August 9th, 2015 8:39pm
Something you could do is try understanding your partner more and put more trust in them to like you