How do I stomach continuing to live with my husband after he has raped me? I mean, who would believe me if I told?
Last Updated: 05/27/2019 at 9:57pm
Mark Harrison, MSW, LICSW, PIP
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I invite you into therapy with an open mind, warm positive regard, and no judgement.
Top Rated Answers
This sounds like a dangerous, unhealthy, disrespectful situation it sounds like the first thing to do would be to talk to someone who has experienced this or a crisis center or another professional that one trust.
You don't have to stomach it. I believe you and I know you need to get out of there. Your body is yours, and yours alone. He is blessed to have exclusive access to such a temple! I know such a change would be heart breaking but you should consider leaving him. A man who truly loves you will respect you and know that no means NO.
This is a very difficult situation to be in. Not only is it your spouse but you are caught between the emotions of feeling like a dutiful spouse who's also been betrayed in the worst way by someone who was supposed to love you and no longer feeling safe. This can be a traumatic experience. One in this situation should attempt to seek professional assistance via a counselor or therapist. Its not about who will believe you if you told, but also about getting yourself the help you will need to move on and move forward for yourself. And gaining the strength and confidence to be able to do so for yourself.
Thankfully, most states now have laws against marital rape. Knowledge and understanding of rape that happens within marriage is much greater than it was even 10 years ago, especially amongst people in the helping professions. It must be extremely difficult to feel trapped in a relationship you feel obligated to keep intact while fearful of the person about whom you care. I cannot and will not tell you to stay or leave, because only you can make that decision. However, I urge you to seek support for yourself. Find people who will believe you either by seeking therapy/counseling, online support, or through a support group for survivors of sexual abuse. It's important that you be able to tell your story and know that you're not alone.
Go to the cops and report it. Also go to a family friend or therapist who can help you separate yourself physically, and begin to deal with the trauma emotionally. Not everyone may believe you, but keep going until someone does. Also know that you aren't alone in the matter.
It doesn't matter who believes you or not, you know what happened. It would be best to report it ASAP. I would also suggest looking into a therapist and talking through options and allowing yourself to get some help.
You shouldn't have to stomach him. You shouldn't be afraid to speak out and be heard, reporting him is what would be best for you, and if he thinks its okay to do that then you aren't safe with him. You need to take care of yourself and put yourself first without worrying about what everyone else will think or say. If he's raped you and it has scared you the. you should tell the police and get away from him. you are the proof, what you've been through and what he's done to you will scar you and that's proof enough.
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