How do I stop avoiding my friends?
Last Updated: 03/26/2018 at 7:05pm
Tracy-Kate Teleke, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I assist adults and couples in CA experiencing relationship challenges and interpersonal struggles including anxiety, depression, and a myriad of other life challenges.
Top Rated Answers
First, you must identify WHY you feel the need to avoid your friends? Do they not fit in or share your personal views or goals? Do they make you uncomfortable or pressure you to do things you don't want to do? Sometimes we try to avoid our friends because they are just NOT the right people we need in our lives. We need people who understand us and are supportive of our thoughts, values and needs. A lot of friends can be merely people who want to hang out with us to tease us and make us feel bad, so they can feel better. They use us for their own gains. These are people we actually want to avoid for healthy reasons. Our intuition knows they do not have our best interest at heart. Sometimes though, we avoid our friends when we are feeling sad, awkward or depressed because we do not want to burden them with our troubles. This is a sign of social isolation that should be addressed. It's okay to let people in and share our troubles. It's even okay to hang out with them and not talk about the things on our mind, even when THEY know something is bothering us. Good friends will give us space when we need it, but act as a stable sounding board when we just want to vent and talk about ideas. When you avoid these kinds of people, ask yourself why. Try to make plans, even small ones to see them and feed the friendship. Even if it's just ten minutes for coffee to talk about the weather, or listen about their favorite crush. A little effort will go a long way for both of you!
That depends. Why are you avoiding them? If there was a conflict, the only true way to resolve it is to have a confrontation. This doesn't neccesarily mean a fight, but rather, you talk it over. Isolation can be bred of fear.
Do you find yourself avoiding your friends because you are not interested in being around them for personal reasons like they are offensive to you or your interests and view points do not mesh well? If you are avoiding your friends for reasons like a social anxiety or because you feel you are not as good as them you may want to talk to a counselor or professional about how to make yourself more socially comfortable around your friends. If you are still interested in maintaining those friendships sometimes just telling a friend you are dealing with some personal stuff or going through something can help them understand that you are not deliberately avoiding them as a way of ending those friendships. For me, I tend to avoid my peers because I am not quite ready to engage in an activity or have a conversation with them. Sometimes I am too tired to hang out but sometimes I have a very low desire to be around a person.
I would start by telling them my true needs and also by asking myself why I do it in the first place. How can you name people you are avoiding your friends? How do you define a friendship? Are these people able to understand your needs and help you out? Without communication no one can know what you are going through.
You might stop avoiding your friends by finding an alternative way to communicate what you haven't been able to say to them. Possibly you could write your thoughts down and post it, send your thoughts to them by text or even email. Although, the former are good modes of communication nothing will be more sincere than face-to-face discourse. If it helps maybe find someone to help you practise what you might say to your friends before you meet them.
By communicating to them how you feel. Tell them in a loving way that you love them. But that you have been seeing something in their behavior that made you distance yourself from them. And you don't want to do that. You want them in your life. So how do we fix this
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