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How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?

110 Answers
Last Updated: 07/26/2020 at 8:19pm
How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Veronica Wade-Hampton, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I enjoy working with individuals of all capacities as I view the role of therapist as one in which you help the client learn to cope with the pressures of daily life.

Top Rated Answers
DamnitJerry14
May 10th, 2017 10:12pm
When I disagree with my friend I say my opinion and then also take their accounted for because opinions are but we haven't had to do is you can change the bill for the pinion and I think that's what's wrong with what's happening people trying to take change other peoples opinions and it shouldn't be that way because opinions are meant to be one's personal thing not to be changed by I thought somebody else has
Anonymous
May 17th, 2017 1:59am
Be polite, much like constructive criticism. You can say that you agree to a certain extent, however, there is also this part/ this side to this debate. Don't overpower them, do not shut them down. Simply acknowledge what they are saying, and state the other side.
Anonymous
June 4th, 2017 6:42pm
I think you could state that this is your opinion and you're not intending to hurt them, as they are your friend. State your disagreement and just reassure that your disagreement to your friend isn't there to be held up like a wall or a barrier between the two of you, you just believe something of which is different to them. And hey, differences are what make us unique in this world.
Anonymous
June 15th, 2017 4:05am
Explain to them that you respect their opinion but that you don't agree with them. Say it in a calming manner and keep the environment a safe place.
solabee
June 29th, 2017 6:42pm
Think about how you would want someone else to tell you that they disagree with you. The "Golden Rule" might be cliche, but it's often the best place to start considering others' feelings.
CarissasHereToTalk
August 18th, 2017 5:34pm
Remember that you can disagree with someone without necessarily saying they're wrong. ("I see what you mean, but ___", "But have you thought about ___", and other phrases like that might make it seem less personal)
Plumitcha
August 27th, 2017 10:11pm
Honesty is very important, but being polite is the key. Explain your point of view politely and be very clear about your ideias, but not offending or pointing out how wrong their view is. We all have different ideias, but it's important to respect others
scarletPear1945
September 15th, 2017 10:14am
I honestly tell them how I feel, some times they do get mad but true friends will always come around. The old saying Truth hurts and some times we ask and are really not ready to receive the truth.
Alishia
November 3rd, 2017 9:29pm
It's great that you're considering your friend's side in this. However, disagreeing is what keeps friendships and relationships healthy and balanced. When I come across someone with whom I disagree, I simply say that. I say I disagree. We often forget that it is up to the other person to manage their beliefs and their feelings, and not necessarily up to us. That being said, of course going up and saying "wow, you're stupid, that's completely wrong, you're thinking and/or doing this wrong", that would be a disrespectful way to disagree, and of course the person would be expected to feel hurt. But simply saying something like "Have you considered this perspective?" Or "well, this is how I'm seeing things" Or even, depending on the situation, saying something as blunt as "I disagree" are healthy ways to engage in discussion and also get your point across. If the other person becomes hurt and/or defensive, that is something they have to process for themselves. And that too, is okay! We can't appease everyone.
Hawksbill
November 8th, 2017 7:53pm
I acknowledge and validate their perspective, ask what makes them think that's the best idea. I let them know the way I see the situation and why. And support them in taking the action they choose for themselves.
swanswan
November 15th, 2017 6:35am
Id suggest you verbalise that although you see their point however you dont have he same belief. But respect them
naycopax
November 17th, 2017 1:41am
By letting them know that your opinion differs from them and that you respect theirs as long as they respect yours
ComfortZ0ne
November 24th, 2017 1:29am
I would always agree with them first before voicing out my opinion. Then, I will try to gently suggest something from the points he/she mentioned. I will slowly add my point of view to his/her thought. Rather than hoping him/her to listen to my disagreement, reaching a mutual understanding is important too.
ListeningSam
December 20th, 2017 12:42am
A true friend would value your honesty more than if you agreed with them and then the truth came out that you didn’t. Be honest and upfront with them, But do it in a nice way (Put the shoe on the other foot…. Or how would you like it to go down if it was you). Remember that you are friends after all and you should be able to have agreements and disagreements without jeopardizing that, you are human and we are not all programmed the same, it’s okay to have your own views on things.
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2017 4:34am
Sometimes when you disagree with someone, it will hurt their feelings, but that is not your fault. Everyone is responsible for their own emotional experience. As long as you love that friend and care for them the best you can, that is all that matters. Just because you have a different opinion than them doesn't mean you love them any less. They may get upset when you first disagree with them, but again that is okay and that is something they need to work through--that is not your fault. The love that you have for them and the disagreement are not related. So I would just remind them that it is possible to have different opinions, and still love and care for each other as friends. Nothing has changed just because you disagreed.
HavenonEarth
December 24th, 2017 7:38am
Any friendship IS always possible without agreeing or liking absolutely everything together! You can say that while you acknowledge and respect their opinion on said topic, tell them politely but honestly your thoughts on the same thing. If you approach the situation in a calm and civil manner, the person is far more likely to treat you well too.
brightWriting43
January 4th, 2018 4:55am
An important thing to remember while opposing someone is keeping a calm, reasonable tone to your voice and being in control of your emotions.
LindyLove
January 7th, 2018 7:25pm
It really depends on the type of relationship you have with your friend. I have some friends I can be very blunt with and flat out say "I don't agree with you. I think........." and there are some friends I have to be more sensitive with "I hear what you're saying, and I think that's a very valid opinion, but I feel..........". Using "I feel" and "I think" statements really puts the focus on the fact that it's ok to be different. Telling someone they're WRONG will always come with pushback and sometimes with hurt feelings. Saying that you feel differently (in a calm, respectful manner while also validating their views) lessons the problem.
Heyanonhowwasyourday
January 11th, 2018 9:00pm
I find the best way is to first repeat back to your friends their argument in a way that shows you understand the underlying reasoning behind their opinion and then afterwards offer your opinion. 'Throwing John a party would be fun and it'd really show that we care about him ... but I am worried that with him being so introverted he might get stressed out by all the attention'
HealingSoul82
January 16th, 2018 6:23pm
Do it positively, change statements into questions, find more benefits in it, choose words carefully, show examples, do it sincerely, and smile.
mysteriousSunset61
January 18th, 2018 10:22am
As strange as it sounds, you have to censor out a few words. Words and feelings that can make their feelings regarding a certain topic seem invalidated or wrong can affect them negatively, so a healthy dose of discretion is recommended. Along with a bit of politeness and civility, you can make your opinion heard and make yourself to be a person that they'd want to have civil discourse with.
LucilleTwo
February 3rd, 2018 9:59am
Well, it can help to start by validating their opinions and clarifying that even if you don't agree that doesn't make their point less valid. :)
Yinyer
February 25th, 2018 8:47pm
Just be honest about it, but make sure to say that you don't mind that they have a different opinion on this. You can disagree on certain things, but it doesn't mean that you dislike them for having a different opinion. If you say it in a respectful manner, they shouldn't get hurt over your disagreement
Anonymous
March 8th, 2018 5:21am
I understand that we do not want to hurt our freind's feelings. When faced with a disagreement its best to put it forward in a mild manner. Such that you show you respect their thoughts but at the same time you disagree with them. It would also be good if you don't make it sound like you are right even if that may be the case
Anonymous
March 28th, 2018 2:03am
I believe starting with letting them know that you understand their point, and keep it on their point not them. Next I would ask them questions about their point and or ask them if they have considered... and offer an alternative view.
LovelyPrincess95
April 5th, 2018 9:16am
I would say that I understand where they are coming from, and that I will respect them for their opinion and that I do not agree with them on that matter.
JEL76
April 9th, 2018 2:22am
This is actually kind of hard for me, because I have a thing about causing conflict. But I generally try to talk through the difference, explaining the rationale behind my opinion, and give my friend a chance to explain their side. Usually, the difference in opinion is because of a difference in background, so when you find out what is driving the other person, it's a lot easier to respect them and their opinion. You still might not agree, but if you approach it from a place of understanding, feelings usually stay unbruised.
endearingLion70
April 21st, 2018 11:40am
By being polite and respectful and expressing your opinion stressing that it is your personal opinion and friends do not have to agree on everything.
Monique89
April 28th, 2018 7:31pm
I would say something like "hey I want you to know that I care about you but I don't agree with ..."
Aylin12
May 23rd, 2018 4:07pm
Acknowledge and try to understand how they are feeling, first. Then try explaining to them that you feel differently, but that their opinion is still valid nonetheless. Express that you understand where they are coming from and which parts of their opinion you might agree with and which you don't. Use sentences involving "I", for example say "I feel like this is the better option" instead of "You are wrong because". Assure your friend that you still cherish them despite not agreeing with them and explain to them that you can't always have the same opinion in a friendship and that that's okay. I'm sure they will understand!