How should I respond when a friend asks me about another friend's secret?
Last Updated: 09/08/2020 at 7:04pm
Anna Pavia, psicologa psicoterapeuta psychotherapist psychologist counselor
Licensed Professional Counselor
I feel my work as my personal mission and I love it. My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive. I am a very good listener. I use several approaches. Amo il mio lavoro.
Top Rated Answers
Treating people like you want to be treated is important. If your friend wants you to keep their secrets or information, they should understand you doing the same for another friend. Try reminding them of this fact. Be honest about why their request makes you uncomfortable.
It is important for you to keep the secret because it is not yours. Think of it as a belonging; if you borrowed your friend's shoes because they look really nice, and anothet friend saw them and wanted to borrow them, would you give the shoes to them straight away? No, first you would ask your friend if they would like to share their shoes with your other friend. Then, you would act accordingly. Secrets are even more personal than shoes and should be handled carefully. Cheers. :)
When someone shared his secret with you, it means he trusted you and it is your responsibility to not break the trust of your friend. You can politely reject your other friend and not tell the secret and keep the things on one on one. You can do so by making him realize that how will he feel if you share his secrets with someone else. Try to put your other friend in the shoes of your friend so he can understand your situation better.
There are so many ways you can respond to this, particularly if you know this is none of his/her business. One way is to simply say you have no information, another is simply to point to that friend that a secret is a secret and you don't want to gossip. Then change the subject as quickly as you can. There are snarky ways to tell someone that s/he is a tad nosy, but the least said the better. Generally, if anyone has entrusted you with a secret (willingly or not), you'll treat it as confidential business unless you do not care about your (good) reputation.
Politely refuse to tell. You've been asked to keep the secret for a reason, and if they find out you told then they could get angry. If your friend keeps asking and won't relent. tell them to ask the other person themselves.
Tell them that as much as you care about and respect them, you also care about and respect your other friend and their privacy, and it would be betraying that respect and privacy to tell them your friend's secret.
Clearly, your friend has told you to keep it a secret for a reason. Commenting on that secret is a violation of privacy, and because your friend has entrusted you with some private information, it is your obligation to keep it private until otherwise told by your friend.
I would tell them to stop right there, if I ran about and told people me friends secret. it wouldn't be a secret, now would it? It also shows respect, to keep secrets.
You should respond by telling that friend, that you cannot divulge or discuss any information about the other friend as he/she spoke to you in confidence and you respect them for that.
You should maintain confidentiality unless there is a risk factor or the friend is in some considerable danger.
The secret was revealed to you in confidence, sharing it with other people means you betrayed that confidence.
Just say "I can't tell you", or ask the friend whose secret it is what to do, and they will hopefully give you an answer
Choice is completely up to you, I'm afraid. If I were you, I'd consider what kind of psychological weight would you have to carry once you tell this secret of your friend. What I mean is - how would you feel after telling it; and how would you feel if your friend found out that his/her secret has been spoken about. I hope you'll make a choice that brings you most peace and wellbeing in your life :)
If you friend told you about his/ her secret, it means that he/ she trusts that you will not tell anyone about it. You can refuse telling the secret and tell your friend the reason why so your friend will understand that one's secret is important and cannot be exposed to others unless he/ she is willing to tell.
You should explain that you will keep this friends secret as you would keep their secret. Show that you are trustworthy! Sometimes, in friendships it seems hard to keep secrets from other close friends, but all this proves is that you can be trusted. Keeping things to yourself when asked is always best. They should be understanding with this because thud most likely want their secret kept as well. As a kind- hearted human being i understand why you’d have this question. Its tough but you should be honest and say that it is not your place and that they’d want theirs kept a secret too.
It is important to respect everyone in this situation. First of all, you must keep your friend's secret if you value your friendship with that person especially if it involves potentially damaging details about something. Secondly, you should respect the other person's curiosity about the secret. They aren't a bad person for wanting to be in on the secret, it is human nature. Simply let them know that you wont be sharing a secret - in doing so you are showing them that you are a trust worthy person and you never know, that might make them feel comfortable to share their secrets with you too!
Well is it private? How would this make the friend feel? Is it your secret to tell? I can't give advice but maybe your friends can tell the secret when she feels comfortable. Can you help the other friend to feel comfortable to ask the secret but not via you. This can put you in an awkward position, how do you feel about this? Can you think about how you would feel if you were in your friend's position and someone else asked you about a secret you weren't comfortable to share and it was embarrassing to them. How would you feel?
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