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I cheated on my boyfriend when we first started dating, now we are trying to fix our relationship. But after 3 months he still brings it up and it tears me apart every time. What do I do?

5 Answers
Last Updated: 08/01/2019 at 3:45am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, BSc Psychology (Honours)


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
August 1st, 2019 3:45am
You dont get to tell him how long to grieve the situation. He is obviously still very hurt by it. What steps are you taking to assure him it wont ever happen again? Have you shown true remorse and offered an explanation for why you cheated? Cheating takes a toll on one emotionally and even damages the self esteem. dont focus on the how long its taking him to let it go. just make sure you are doing your best that it will never happen again. When i was cheated on, it was hard to let go because no true apology was offered. how did you apologize?
December 14th, 2018 11:02pm
I'm in a similar position, and it hurts so much because I know I'm not the "past" me anymore and any time my partner references my mistakes from our rough beginning, I'm reminded of it when all I want to do is move past it. I hate my former self, but I know I've changed and the circumstances are not the same. It hurts so much more because I know it hurts my partner. All I can suggest is be patient, keep reinforcing how much he means to you and make sure he knows you will never do the same thing again. Allow him time to heal. People say hurtful things when they hurt too and this could just be his hurt talking. I wish you all the best.
November 20th, 2018 5:18pm
For me, it is important to tell him how you feel. A relationship needs trust in order to make it work, and you both have to be committed and willing to make it work. Consider the fact that forgiving is easy but forgetting is hard. But if he is willing to make it work, he has to give a little faith in you. At the same time, you have maximize your patience. Healing takes time. And you have to make an effort to show you've changed and regain his trust again. Focusing on the solution and not the problem would help a lot.
December 18th, 2018 10:54am
Why did you cheat? Was there a particular reason for your infidelity? Are there any particular times when your boyfriend brings it up? Perhaps he feels insecure and brings it up for reassurance? Do you feel that you are doing everything to make him feel more secure? Spoken about what happened and why it happened with him? Are you happy? Is this everything you want from a realtionship? I know that's a lot of questions but it's part of the process to understand how you were feeling then compared to now and how your partner is feeling. So it was you who told your partner about the affair, how did it come about? Was it a safe place to tell him, somewhere that he felt safe to react? That's not to say that either you were in danger but it can be hard to fully react to a situation if you are not somewhere mutual like your own home etc. I hope this makes sense?
July 16th, 2019 12:15am
I think the best thing would be to tell him how you feel when he brings up the situation. If you never tell him that hit hurts you then there will be no moving on. I think once it is know that it hurts you feelings when the situation is brought up it will then be up to the both of you to address the problem at hand. So he may still have trust issue and he feels some type of way. Okay that's the issue. Now how can y'all solve it? Well that would be up to you two to determine. You cant move on in a partnership without the partner. So maybe, the best thing to do would be to stay patient and just make sure you take your time with him. Because he still has bruises from the past and you can't rush the heal. It takes time..