I have a boyfriend I've been with for 13 months. He's currently ignoring me, tells me to stop touching him. What should I do?
Last Updated: 11/23/2021 at 10:33pm
Tara Davis, Doctorate in Counselling Psychology
I have worked successfully with a wide range of difficulties. Nothing is more important than developing a warm, compassionate relationship with someone you can trust
Top Rated Answers
It might help to talk it out with him, and make sure you're on the same page. You can see what works for you! Maybe you'd like to write down what you have to say, and either give it to him to read or read it aloud to him. It generally helps to keep a clear, level head and know what you want to say.
talk to him, you wont know answers unless you ask and your honestly gonna tie yourself up on knots and it may not be even the way you have it thought out in your head
Talk to him; set a proper time, find a conducive place, communicate beforehand that it's very important. In the meantime, avoid nagging when you're worried and tempted to do so; if you feel as if you can't help but nag or worry, it means you need to seek support or refuel, but it does not have to come from him.
Sometimes people need a little space or time to themselves, this doesn't mean he doesn't care about you it just may mean he is overwhelmed with the fact he has been in a committed relationship for over a year. I'm sure that with time and effective communicate between you both you will sort it out. Make sure to talk to him about it though so he doesn't feel alone.
a Zelda similar experience, and I wouldn't immediately jump to the conclusion that it is something because of you. And my personal experience and ended up being something that had nothing to do with me, and I nearly derailed my self-esteem because of things I assumed. Do not assume it's because of you, he may be going through something personal. What I would do is I would approach him and in a way that is not prying, I guess you guys speak about something that he may be going on personally, maybe an internal problem that he's uncomfortable sharing. Chances are it's something he is going through maybe feeling unworthy, maybe he as some other issue going on and he's waiting for you to ask him about it. Just let him know that you're there for him and available when he wants to speak IF it is true... let him know that you will accept whatever it is lovingly. Perhaps engage in a serious thoughtful conversation with yourself beforehand. But only let him know that you'll be there post-revelation if honestly youve decided that you will be. If not I would not mention it, but I would nonetheless, sit down with an open mind let him know you're feeling rejected. Really, he may not know that he's making you feel that way. It could ruin a very great relationship by holding things that I'm assuming you know exactly what he's thinking because we never know exactly what anyone is truly thinking.
This all depends on how old you both are. Some people aren't ready early, and some are. There are also other things to take into consideration. People who have been raped dont always liked to be touched a certain way and sometimes touched at all. It could be that he's insecure and doesn't feel adequate. He could have psychological issues if say he was raped. Have you tried to ask him if he's afraid of something without making it sound intrusive and rude? Have you tried to reassure him that its just the two of you and you'll both take your time and you can somewhat lead the way. Or maybe he's not into you and he's just with you so that he has someone with him. These are all things to consider. It's not a cynical way of thinking, its more so trying to be logical. Have you tried to rationalize and figure out his body language and demeanor. Good luck !
My best suggestion is to have an open, level-headed, honest conversation with your boyfriend. As scary as it is, if you don't find a way to move forward, then your relationship will just remain stagnant or worse, he could drop a break-up on you without wanting to talk about why. There could be a lot of reasons as to why he's acting this way; he may have felt a change of heart, or may be going through something that makes him averse to physical contact. He could just use some alone time to clear his head, but don't put up with somebody who doesn't want to do with you. Especially a partner. When you talk to him, be sure to not put anything in an accusatory way. Just ask him about his behaviour as calmly as you can.
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