I often feel more like my husband's parent than his partner. How can I change this without hurting him or jeopardizing our long-term goals?
2 Answers
Last Updated: 02/06/2017 at 8:58am
Moderated by
Tanyia Hughes, Adv Dip Psy
Psychotherapist
I have been through a lot in life too, which helps me to be able to empathize with situations, thoughts and feelings that we have. Sometimes, it's not easy just being human.
Top Rated Answers
This is a really common scenario in relationships and the key is look at why this is happening. Does he have ADHD? It may be worth researching because this very commonly creates a parent/child dynamic in a marriage. In that case, talking with him about potential treatment may help dramatically.
You can also have a discussion about division of labor and responsibilities. Let him know how you feel and that it is overwhelming for you. You can't control whether or not he feels hurt, but it's important you express how you feel before becoming resentful, which will eventually lead to a much more negative (and long-term) impact.
It may take some time, but together you can identify a plan for tackling this problem and experiment with ways for him to take on more responsibility. Often, simply sharing your feelings will encourage him to take the steps necessary to resolve things.
I would say that the important thing is to acknowledge the kinds of tasks your partner has trouble with and see if they may have any connection to emotional difficulties. Sometimes once these emotions are addressed, completing tasks with more independence becomes simpler. Additionally, speak to your partner about teamwork and how you can work together to finish tasks, rather than taking over tasks for him.
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