My boyfriend keeps telling his mother things I tell him about my life. It's really awkard to talk to her, because she pretends she doesn't know. What do you do about this situation?
Last Updated: 07/06/2021 at 8:19am
Alex DS Ellis, MA, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Feeling depressed or anxious can be so overwhelming. I want to help you feel better and be able to enjoy life. You are not alone and you deserve emotional support.
Top Rated Answers
Tell your boyfriend you aren't comfortable with him sharing everything you tell him to his mother. You two are in a relationship and you want some things private. Also, explain to your boyfriend's mother that her pretending to not know things about your life when talking to her is making you feel awkward.
We use the closest people to us as sounding boards for the big decisions and the small decisions in our lives. Confront your boyfriend as soon as possible that you confide in him because you trust he will not tell anyone else, and that includes his mother. I don't know how many strikes is your limit but boundaries need to be established between the two of you. Another thing to keep in mind is that no matter who it is, you lose control the minute share something personal to others. So take control of where this relationship is going: edit what you share. Edit your expectations. Let him know what he is doing is not okay. And lastly, I know that learning to trust again can be a challenge, but a solid relationship is seldom built without overcoming a few obstacles along the way. Hope everything works out and all the best to you!
I have been in a very similar situation to this and the best thing I can suggest is to talk. Ask your boyfriend why he does it, maybe if you're telling him that you're not feeling so peachy, he is upset that you are feeling down and he is looking for advice on how he can help you feel better. It is very unlikely that he has malicious intent. I would suggest that you tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable as you tell him these details because you value and trust him and his support and you'd rather not have his mother know personal things that you may choose to tell her in your own time. If you don't feel comfortable approaching him about it, you could speak to his mother, and tell her that you know that she knows these things and you are welcome of her opinion and advice, if that's the case, that way she will approach you and there won't be an awkward knowing silence. Alternatively, you could tell her that although you appreciate her opinion and knowledge on somethings, and you want to be open with her as you are in a relationship with her son, you would prefer she didn't know some of the details and kindly ask that if he begins to tell her she says "I don't think _____ would feel comfortable with us discussing this, why don't you ask them if they want us to speak about is as a group?" / "I don't think _____ would feel comfortable with us discussing this, why don't you speak to them about how you're feeling about it instead?" or simply, "I don't think _____ would feel comfortable with us discussing this, lets not." I hope this helps. I'm sure neither will be hurt by your request for privacy.
I would recommend telling your boyfriend you just aren't comfortable with his mom knowing your personal life, the whole point of the relationship is to discuss issues with each others.
I would say that it's either: time to tell your boyfriend that you'd like to keep some things just between you and him, or talk to his mother about being open with what your boyfriend shares. With the latter, you can open up the doorway for having deeper conversations with her, if that's what you want.
These situations can be difficult. But it sounds like you need to talk to your boyfriend about how this makes you feel, and to tell him whether or not you want his mother to know. If you don't mind her knowing these things, you can let her know it is okay she knows them. The main thing here is probably communication.
I would talk to your boyfriend and explain to him that you tell him things in confidence and you don't want it repeated. Express that you tell him personal things because you love and trust him, but you don't want other people knowing even his mom be chase certain things are personal and can be embarrassing. This will do two things.... 1. He will recognize what he is doing. Others you and 2. It helps you with being honest and communicating effectively with your boyfriend and others.
Personally, I would start by talking to my boyfriend and request that he talks to his mother about her behaviour or I ask him to stopp telling her about my life. Either way I would have a talk about it with my boyfriend and most probably I would also talk to his mother about it if she allows to have such a conversation. Another way of finding a solution is via a chat with my boyfriend and his mother at the same time, stating the situation and occurring problems clearly and until all parties understand, and reasonably find a way to improve the situation and therefore the relationship between me and his mother.
If you're not comfortable with him disclosing things about your life to his mother than you should probably have a serious talk with him about this issue. Trust is prime in a relationship. Tell him that you admire his mother but you wouldn't like it if every little detail about you is revealed to her in your absence. Tell him that you also really care about your impression in front of her so you're being particular about this. If he insists that he will still tell her than I guess you should find another person cause compromising and comprehending is really important.
Related Questions: My boyfriend keeps telling his mother things I tell him about my life. It's really awkard to talk to her, because she pretends she doesn't know. What do you do about this situation?
I'm too short for a guy to date. What can I do?How do you tell your friend that you disagree with them without hurting their feelings?Why do I have a gut-wrenching feeling down my stomach after a friend told me something I disagree with, not physically, but emotionally?How do I know if I'm in love? How can I deal with someone that is acting like a 'diva'?What's the best way to deal with emotional blackmail from a partner? Because of my mental health condition, I think I'm probably being emotionally toxic to my bf. Is it best to just leave the relationship?How to express my feelings to my husband?My wife treats me like a servant. She doesn't do anything for herself and makes me do everything, How can I bring this up without royally upsetting her?What can I do when my husband constantly threatens for divorce anytime we disagree or argue? I have told him many times how his empty threats upset me, should I take him seriously?