What if you ask someone out but you get the same response 'I think your cool but..' again and again? Can I do something different, or do I just need to acceot the answer I get?
Last Updated: 09/06/2021 at 4:25am
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
The answer is clear as day that the person is not interested so don't waste your precious time on that person and move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea so don't bet all your money on just one person. You are worth so much - so if someone can't give you time our of their day, they don't deserve any of your precious time. You'll find someone who is deserving of you one day. I promise that the wait will be worth it. I also commend you for being straightforward and asking someone out, that shows bravery and guts.
Accept their answer. You want romance, they don't. Don't force it, because forcing romance turns bad REALLY fast. It will be hard, but let them go. Move on to someone who will love you the same way you love them. Now! Whether you stay friends with this person is up to you. They (based on "I think you're cool, but...") seem like a nice person, and they don't like you romantically. So if you can be friends with them *without resenting them for not liking you back*, go ahead. But if you feel yourself getting resentful, please give them space. Respect their: "No." and move on to someone who will like you back. It sucks right now, and I'm sorry you're hurting. Things will get better.
You need to accept the answer you get and move on. If you're getting the same answer, then it seems like they're nicely trying to tell you that they aren't interested in a romantic relationship with you. It sucks, but better to save yourself future pain, than to try and impress someone that has no interest in a relationship with you. You are just going to waste your time. There are plenty of people in the world who will like you for how you are, and one person should not dissuade you from seeking out a partner in the future.
For me, I realize usually the first answer a person gives is the answer they mean. After I’ve asked someone out and the person has give me a gentle let down I step back and let go. At that point if they ever want to go out with me they will ask or do something to initiate an encounter legitimately. I make sure not to read “clues or signals.” It’s important to connect with people who want to connect with me. It is validating and feels good. It helps to focus on my personal goals, ambitions and interests. At the end of the day those steps help me move on from someone who wasn’t interested in getting to know me or spend time with me.
Unfortunately, you can't change other people's emotions. I know it hurts, but you're so much better served looking for someone who finds as much happiness in your connection as you do. You don't necessarily need to do anything different (don't change who you are! your interests and passions are part of you!), but it might be worth examining where you're expending your energy, and on who. Focus on who you want to be, what your goals are, and don't put so much pressure on yourself to find a relationship! Enjoy and develop your friendships, familial connections, and your connection to community! The right people will find you, and they'll love you.
You need to accept the answer you get if it has been the same answer over and over again. It is very difficult for someone to graciously turn down an offer - a lot of people find it very hard to 'reject' someone - however, when you ask over and over and over again, it can come off as stalking or unacceptable behavior - so the best course of action is to understand that while not saying the words directly - no means no. There are a lot of fish in the sea, so after a couple of 'rejections', it may be best to move on
It would be good to ask upfront on why they dont like to go out with you. You will get the answer why many people don't want to go out with you. You now will have the opportunity to work towards it. Dont sulk over the feedback, but work towards fixing it. Its for your advantage. It will be an oppurtunity for you to see what you lack, or what others find in you so that you can change yourself towards being a better you . its for your good and will help you get in the right direction. All the best
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