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What should I do when my boyfriend ignores me?

315 Answers
Last Updated: 12/03/2018 at 6:29am
What should I do when my boyfriend ignores me?
★ This question about Relationship Stress was starred by a moderator on 5/12/2016.
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Linda Miland, MA

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have a passion to help individuals address and challenge thoughts ,feelings and lifestyle factors that are contributing to mental health issues.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2015 2:50am
give it time so you know why he didn't respond before deciding what to do don't overreact as you don't have any clue what's going on on the other end
friendlyJoy23
July 10th, 2015 6:41am
The five steps to overcoming panic attacks are: Acknowledge & Accept Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work) Actions (to make myself more comfortable) Repeat End Let's take a look at what each step entails. Acknowledge & Accept All progress starts here. This is the most important single step to overcoming panic attacks. Acknowledge Here I acknowledge the present reality, that I'm afraid and starting to panic. I won't try to ignore it, or pretend it's not there. I won't struggle to distract myself, tell myself to "stop thinking about it!", or snap any rubber bands on my wrist. I'm acknowledging simply that I am afraid, not that I am in danger. The thought that I am in danger is just another symptom of panic, not an important or useful thought. Accept Here I accept the fact that I'm afraid at this moment. I don't fight the feeling; ask God to take it away; blame myself, or anybody else. I accept, as best I can, that I'm afraid in the same way I would accept a headache. I don't like headaches, but I don't bang my head against the wall in an effort to get rid of them, because that makes them worse. Overcoming panic attacks begins with working with, not against, my panic and anxiety symptoms. How Can I Accept a Panic Attack? What makes a panic attack acceptable (not desirable, but acceptable) is that, while it feels awful and fills me with dread, it isn't dangerous. It won't kill me or make me crazy. Someone pointing a gun at me, that's not acceptable. I might get hurt or killed. If someone points a gun at me, I have to do whatever I can to change that: run, hide, fight, yell, bribe, or beg, because the consequence of being shot is so terrible that I must try to avoid it. On the other hand - a policeman giving me a ticket, even if I don't deserve it, I can live with that, and can hopefully keep my temper in check so I don't make things worse for myself. Accepting the symptoms, not resisting, is a powerful step to overcoming panic attacks. What Can a Panic Attack Do to Me? It makes me feel afraid, that's what a panic attack does. And, if I'm having a panic attack, I'm already there! I'm already experiencing the worst that will happen. I just need to ride it out. That's the surest path to overcoming panic attacks. Why should I accept a panic attack? Because the more I resist panic, the worse it gets. The more I develop the habit of acceptance, the more progress I make toward my goal of overcoming panic attacks. That's Acknowledge & Accept. How does that compare to what you usually do during a panic attack? Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work) Wait What I mean by "Wait" is this: don't just do something, stand there. It's similar to the suggestion "count to ten before you get mad". One of the hallmarks of a panic attack is that it temporarily robs you of your ability to think, remember, and concentrate. This step will buy you a little time to regain those abilities before you take any action. When you react before you have a chance to think straight, what do you do? If you're like most people, you probably flee, or struggle. You do things that actually make it worse. This is what people mean when they say things like "I know I'm doing it to myself" and the harder I try, the worse it gets. Jumping into action too quickly is a big obstacle to overcoming panic attacks. So, even though you have a powerful urge to leave, postpone that decision for a little bit. Don't tell yourself you CAN'T leave - keep that option open so you don't feel trapped - but put off the decision about whether or not to leave. Stay in the situation. You don't need to run away to get relief. Let relief come to you. Watch Use the occasion to observe how the panic works, and how you respond to it. The best way to do this is to fill out a panic diary. The diary is a questionnaire which helps you notice important aspects of a panic attack, so you can respond more effectively over time. Feel free to download and reproduce it for your own personal use. You can also download a set of instructions. My patients often report that just filling out a diary helps them to calm down. How does this work? It's not that they're distracted from the subject of panic, because the diary questions are all about panic. It helps you get a little distance from your emotions. It works because, while you complete a diary, you're in the role of an observer, rather than feeling like a victim. The best way to use the diary is to fill it out during the attack, rather than after. If you're in a situation where writing is impractical, perhaps while driving a car, you can: use a digital recorder; have your support person read the questions to you and record your answers; or pull over for a few minutes to write. What About "Work"? If you're in a relatively passive situation during the panic attack - a passenger in a vehicle, getting your hair cut, or waiting in a waiting room - "Wait & Watch" is all you need. If you're in a more active role - driving a car or giving a presentation - then you also need to attend to the "Work" of conducting that activity. Do "Wait & Watch", but also remain engaged in your task. That's "Wait & Watch (and maybe, Work)". How does that compare to what you usually do during a panic attack? Actions (to make myself more comfortable) At this point, you've already gone through the two most important steps to overcoming panic attacks. These steps, and all the steps necessary to overcome panic disorder and phobia, are covered in much more detail in my Panic Attacks Workbook. What's Your Job During an Attack? It's not your job to bring the panic attack to an end; that will happen no matter what you do. Your job now is to see if you can make yourself a little more comfortable, while you wait for the attack to end. Here are a few techniques that my patients have found particularly useful in overcoming panic attacks. Belly Breathing Regardless of what else you do, do belly breathing. It's also known as diaphragmatic breathing, but I think "belly breathing" is more descriptive. Many people think they know how to do deep breathing, but don't do it correctly, so they don't get good results. A good belly breathing technique is a very powerful tool in the work of overcoming panic attacks! How to Talk to Yourself Talk to yourself (silently!) about what is happening, and what you need to do. One question my patients find very helpful is this: is it Danger or Discomfort?. Some of the other responses my patients like include the following: 1. Fine, let's have an attack! It's a good chance to practice my coping techniques. 2. Answer your "what if...?" fears by saying "So what? I'll get afraid, then calm down again." 3. It's okay to be afraid. Get Involved in the Present People don't panic in the present. People panic when they imagine something bad happening to them in the future or in the past. This is why your panic attacks are almost always accompanied by some "what if...?" thought. If a dog just bit my leg, I don't say "what if a dogbite?". The reason you say "what if...?" is because what you fear is not actually happening! Get back into the activity you were engaged in prior to the attack, and become involved with the people and objects around you. If you're in a store, resume shopping, reading labels, comparing prices, asking questions, etc. It will move you closer to your goal of overcoming panic attacks when you bring your focus and energy back to the present environment. By this I mean, work with what is around you. Work with Your Body Identify, and relax, the parts of your body that get most tense during a panic attack. This typically involves first tensing, and then relaxing, the muscles of your jaw, neck, shoulders, back and legs. Do not allow yourself to stand rigid, muscles tensed, and holding your breath. That just makes you feel worse! If you feel like you "can't move a muscle", start with just one finger! That's "Actions (to make myself more comfortable)". How does that compare with what you usually do during a panic attack? Repeat This step is here because you might start feeling better, then feel another wave of panic. Your first reaction might then be to think "Oh No, it didn't work!". The Repeat step is here to remind you that it's OK if that happens. Just take it from the top again. It's not unusual or dangerous. You may go through several cycles, and you just need to repeat the AWARE steps again, as often as you need. How does that compare with what you usually do? End This is here to remind you that your panic attack will end; that all panic attacks end; that they end regardless of how you respond; that it's not your job to make the attack end; and that your only job is to make yourself as comfortable as possible while waiting for the attack to end. Have these statements been true for you? Don't take my word for it. Review your own history of panic attacks and see. And maybe the next time you panic, when you notice yourself thinking, once again, "Will this ever end?", you'll find yourself answering, "YES!"
Jasmineh2000
July 12th, 2015 8:25am
let him ignore you, if he isnt going to reply to you why waste your time trying to get a reply, when he wants you he'll message you theb you ignore him back to prove a point
Anonymous
July 12th, 2015 4:20pm
boyfriend ignoring means either he has lost interest in you or he dont have anytime for you. in both case best thing to do is to surprise him with sweet lovely or intimate gesture
Brittneym101
July 23rd, 2015 4:54pm
Well, I have been through this before, and because of what I been through.. I would advise that you give him that time, but also be cautious. In my situation my boyfriend or ex.. whatever it is that we are he was entertaining another girl. He got mad when I bought it up and let him know that I have found out about her and we got Into an argument through text messages and it wasn't pretty. He got mad because he got caught and because he didn't want any drama he chose her for now. Don't go looking for something because you're bound to find it.
clariageorge
July 25th, 2015 5:37am
If your boyfriend is being ignorant towards you, try speaking alone with him about it. However if he is again ignorant, you need to rethink and question yourself as to why you are in this relationship.
Thanks4Calling
July 26th, 2015 12:08am
First you need to find out why. Does he has personal problems, or is he concerned about your relationship. Once you know the answer you can decide what action to take.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2015 4:44am
Have a calm nice talk with him and get into a conversation on what's been bothering you and bring up about why he is ignoring you.
assglanimals
August 7th, 2015 8:27pm
You shouldn't worry too much, he is probably ignoring you because he is very busy and doesn't always have time to reply immediately, he's a human too.
Peeps
August 8th, 2015 4:18am
Try talking things out with him and explaining your perspective! Sometimes they don't even realize that they are ignoring you or are not giving you enough attention. Communication is key
Anonymous
December 23rd, 2015 4:17pm
You can try talking to him ,but make sure you are calm and cool. Just ask him what's bothering him or what's the reason, just talk it out and listen to his side before reacting. If he opens up, well and good. If not , its better not to pester him and leave him alone for a while. Give him some space...you cannot just force someone to talk to you. Talk to him after a while ..or you can wait. Maybe he will get back to you when he is ready and then talk.
EllenaWhite
January 10th, 2016 10:32pm
Just give him space and let him go to you in his own time. He may be feeling emotional or stressed and might be ignoring you for that reason. Also, just communicate. Let him know that you feel he's ignoring you.
blissfulGrace86
January 13th, 2016 5:31pm
You should distinguish if he does it on purpose or not ... if he is doing it on purpose then you must ignore him too cause you aren't a priority in his life
Queen214
January 13th, 2016 9:08pm
Try to sit down and talk to him in a setting where he feels comfortable. Also don't demand a answer.
ListenerEvan
January 29th, 2016 1:24am
Make it clear how you feel but first ask yourself "do I listen to him?" Think about how important listening is as a quality in someone.
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2016 4:18am
Bad things or thoughts happens to us when we proceed to great things . we need to skip those thoughts and move forward .
Anonymous
February 5th, 2016 9:44pm
First you should approach them and let them know you're feeling ignored and hurt. Ignoring someone can be a sign of rejection and it is very damaging in relationships.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2016 1:23am
You could talk to him about it, and try to covey how you feel when he ignores you. If he doesn't seem to care about your feelings, you may want to get out of that relationship.
kindForest39
March 23rd, 2016 5:50pm
Evaluate the relationship, maybe you both need space, maybe you have said something to upset them, or maybe it is coming to end, or he could just be busy the best thing to do is to go in with a clear calm head and sort things out face to face so you can both express how you feel and you can both reach a conclusion, and that will also stop you hating each other.
LizardPerson
June 8th, 2016 8:12pm
Tell him how that makes you feel. Communication really is key. Being ignored is a very hard thing to deal with. Maybe he doesn't realize he is doing it and is genuinely busy. Just have a conversation with him, preferably face to face, and tell him what's up.
Anonymous
June 13th, 2016 2:21am
From my experienced, please try to understand him as well , keep the reason on your why he was ignore ? Maybe he was busy ... keep understand your partner side.. and try to talk to him about your feelings and ask him to spend some little time with you ...
Anonymous
October 8th, 2016 1:08am
Talk to him about it. You can't expect things to work if you don't communicate. Don't assume the worst, though, you never know the potential reasons.
SympatheticPrune2001
October 27th, 2016 10:22am
If it is short, everyone is busy. With work, he might be out with friends. If its long term, you might question whether he is right for you.
amazingPuppy99
December 4th, 2016 4:19pm
Sometimes simply asking the question "Why are you ignoring me?" can open the communication to start understanding and working on solutions together.
EmpathicVision
January 5th, 2017 10:34pm
Well, first and foremost is observing the situation objectively. You feel ignored. What is he doing that makes you feel that way? What behavior would make you feel heard? And then gently (without accusing him of ignoring you, although I know it can be tempting) bring up the situation. Maybe ask if there is something on his mind, or let him know that his opinion is valuable to you. Addressing the issue in a caring and open manner helps take away the possible sting of accusation and the reactive defensiveness that often comes with it. Hopefully he will be open to sharing his side of what is going on and to listen to you. Don't forget to be open and to listen to where he is coming from too!
Anonymous
June 18th, 2015 10:57pm
Address the elephant in the room. Putting the issue under the carpet is never a solution. Tell him how you feel and have an healthy discussion about the matter. I'm sure it's gonna be alright :D
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 3:04am
Try and talk to him, or access why he is ignoring you. If its for a reason try and fix it. If its for no reason ignore him back
WonderlandRabbit
June 19th, 2015 4:20am
Communication definitely is key in a relationship, and in a relationship its no longer just about yourself. Make sure you tell your boyfriend how you feel, and ask him why he ignores you.
Anonymous
June 19th, 2015 3:32pm
In a personal exercise, us a kind and respectful tone and ask he to chat with you about the issue that has him feeling that way and share his thoughts with you openly.
3amthoughts
June 19th, 2015 5:19pm
From what I know, it's best to comfort him about it. Communication is the key of every successful relationship.