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What's the best way to deal with emotional blackmail from a partner?

75 Answers
Last Updated: 05/26/2022 at 6:16am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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My goal is to treat clients with respect and compassion. I am a supportive, strengths-based therapist with experience in treating mood disorders, grief, and trauma.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2015 9:36am
This is a difficult question as it truly depends upon the situation. However, the best way to deal with it is to call it out for what it is - hurtful. Try to talk about the reasons why your partner feels this is necessary. You may need to have a professional counselor help you through this discussion, which is fine. If your partner is not willing to go with you then it would still be helpful for YOU to go for additional coping strategies.
EarlGreyHot
November 23rd, 2016 5:19am
Make it clear in advance what your boundaries are, then stick to them. Your boundaries are what YOU will do to protect yourself or others. For example, "If you make threats, I will end the conversation." However, if your partners habitually engages in emotional blackmail, this is a good reason to find a different partner.
gentleBeauty54
September 7th, 2015 8:43pm
I am not very good at dealing with emotional blackmailers because they hit every trigger i have and it is so hard for me when it happens! I turn into a coward i know i should fight back and stop it but ten to one i am too afraid to stop it!
Creativeyes009
May 3rd, 2016 10:14pm
You need tonIgnore the situation and don't act in revenge because when you act back it only makes it worse
Anonymous
November 19th, 2020 2:02am
Maybe it would be best to find a way out of this relationship, or to resolve the problem. It's not fair to you to have to "deal" with this, because that's a sign of a toxic relationship. Better would be to find someone you trust to help you get out of the relationship or go to counseling to help your partner with this blackmail, if you feel the relationship is salvageable. It's not fair to you to have to handle this alone, or at all. Get help, get your partner help and figure out what works best for you guys
KiwiJacquie
January 25th, 2020 1:44am
It's always tough to deal with something that's external, because we can't control or change others. I find it helpful to remember the control circle - you can put the things to concern yourself with in a control circle, things you can control. Things that you can't control then go out of the circle. The things you can control are your own reactions and emotions surrounding that emotional blackmail. How are you going to react? How do you feel about what they are doing? That way, you can work through your own feelings about it in a realistic way and then make a decision on how you want to react to that. I hope this helps, I know it can be so hurtful in these situations so I am thinking of you!
Anonymous
April 19th, 2020 12:46pm
you stand up for yourself and you tell them that you do not deserve to be treated in such a way. If someone is doing that have an assertive conversation with the,, if it gets to a point where you can't stand it- make sure you get help. Remember you are not alone and help will be given to those who seek it. I would also think about why you are in a relationship with someone toxic and mentally abusive. I think it would be wise to take a step back and reflect on what has happened and the choices you can take.
FutureNurse1976
May 3rd, 2020 6:33pm
When dealing with emotional blackmail from a partner, one needs to take a step back and assess all aspects of what is going on. Having a clear plan of attack to stop the person from mistreating you is the best way to stop it from happening and getting the person to stop acting in such a way. The person that is doing the emotional blackmail may be neglecting to see the damage they may be causing the person involved. Some people refuse to see the big picture and do things before realizing the effect their actions can have on a person.
QuadTurtle547
June 26th, 2020 8:56am
If you are experiencing emotional blackmail from a partner, I would definitely recommend speaking to someone you trust face-to-face because then you feel as if you're fighting this battle with someone else. Another recommendation I might be able to suggest is to speak to the partner in a safe and open environment like a public park/bench on a well walked path because if anything bad happens then there's other people who could help. If the partner is being abusive physically or using blackmail as emotional abuse, then it would be advisable to speak to local authorities and receive professional guidance and support.
PrincessJas
July 15th, 2020 8:09pm
I believe the best way to deal with emotional blackmail from a partner is to evaluate how often it happens, and how it makes you feel. Sometimes we tell ourselves it's just because the partner is having a bad day, but sometimes it may be more often and worse than we think. As they say, love is blind. Emotional blackmail can make us feel obligated to do something even if we do not want to. Sometimes staying with the partner who is committing emotional blackmail is a toxic environment and you will find yourself not being able to grow with your partner in this environment because one or both parties are unhappy. The best thing to do is to try and confront your partner about how emotional blackmail makes you feel, and if they do not listen leave. Sometimes we do not realize it was a toxic environment until we have left the relationship.
friendlyTree1443
August 19th, 2020 10:51pm
break all relationship with regards to that thing and complete with him/her. leaving them happy and most importantly that you are happy. It is a really bad thing happened and you can learn from it. There is a trust that person have broken. If you are sure that thing is for real then you should take a step as soon as possible and find out a way to complete. If it was about a business than you can have a new partner or you can separate I think the same is in relationship. Always remember to who you are and don't let them down you.
ph14
September 18th, 2020 6:44am
I have never been in a rewarding, fulfilling relationship that involved emotional blackmail. It's not always possible to end these kinds of relationships, and it's rarely easy, but if that's an option I have always been better off ending the relationship. If that's not an option, at least at the time, then I have had to draw firm boundaries within that relationship. I had help from a professional counselor in learning how to create and maintain boundaries, but there are other resources that can help with that learning process. I've found it important to seek support from wherever it's available. It might be worth exploring the relationships community here on 7cups!
calmingturtles369
September 20th, 2020 2:31am
The best way to deal with this is to understand that you are in a toxic relationship. Emotional blackmail is never okay, and for your partner to do this to you is absolutely wrong. No one deserves to be treated like this, including you. Everyone deserves to be happy, and no matter what you do, it is important to recognize that your partner is toxic, and to take their blackmail with a grain of salt. Threatening behavior is not okay, and you should not have to be put in the situation where you have to walk around eggshells. Get out of the situation, so you can continue being your happy self.
silverHero4377
November 4th, 2020 9:36pm
The first step is to recognize emotional blackmail for what it is. Once you recognize the signs you have more control over your reaction to the situation. An emotional blackmailer can make you question yourself, your worth, your judgement, and in the worst instances, even your sanity. Gaining knowledge and understanding of the process being used by the blackmailer allows you, intellectually, to see that you are being manipulated. Once you see what is going on you can react from a place of power as opposed to a place of fear or weakness. Emotional blackmail is abuse and should be recognized as such.
xoxolilbaddie1128
May 26th, 2022 6:16am
Look at the issue. List the problems you're having with the blackmail from your partner. See what is triggering you. List how you're feeling about the situation. Look at everything you wrote down and see if you can come up with a positive calm way to approach your partner to talk about it but I would talk to a friend first about it to see if I'm coming off in a respectful manner. Because you do not want to start a fight. But make sure you get your point across. Your feelings are valid.
MikuoniandBlueCheese
January 15th, 2021 4:23pm
Emotional blackmail is something that you shouldn't submit to. It's a dirty tactic done by desperate people, if you do love your partner, then ask them why they are doing what they are doing, if you want to get away from your partner, I would just get away from them. Them trying to trap you into an unhealthy relationship is something that you don't deserve, and you shouldn't subject yourself to. My opinion on the matter is to just look into your heart and see what you want, and what you think is best, and if you are willing to help them, and if not, it's perfectly OK to let them go.
Anonymous
April 22nd, 2021 7:24pm
The best way that I have found for myself is to remember that I am my own person. It is easy in situations like this for me to be so caught up in the others persons' emotions that I forget that I have my own emotions, thoughts and feelings, and that I am a separate being. I have found that it is best for me to step away and set appropriate boundaries for myself to keep myself safe, and in turn that keeps the other person safe as well, by giving everyone some needed space to think and feel for themselves.
Anonymous
December 1st, 2021 3:14pm
The best way to deal with emotional blackmail from a partner is to leave. If someone is willing to emotionally blackmail you is that considered love? Or is it that person simply trying to manipulate and control you? I do not think relationships should go through things like this because this is not love. Relationships should be a safe place for you to feel loved, safe, and free to be yourself. I do not think anyone should be with a partner who emotionally blackmails them. That is not love. So my answer to this question would be to leave and find true happiness.
sailingpaperboat
February 4th, 2022 1:43am
Reach out to your parents or someone from the law to sit and have an informal discussion. If things don't resolve, file a complaint. Always record every conversation you had as a proof to be shown later. Involving both parents is also a good option, and if not parents then an elder sibling or a guardian. Understand that they also have repressed emotions and thus be patient without losing love for the life you have. Don't hide anything when everyone is listening, and make sure there is always someone watching their actions so this doesn't repeat once solved. Love and hugs x
Anonymous
March 26th, 2022 7:53pm
First of all if you are going through this,try and find the root cause of the problem from where this is coming. Mostly,the person who is going through the emotional blackmail doesn't even know in the first place that he/her is being emotionally blackmailed. You would think that 'yes,right' or start doubting yourself or you wouldn't feel comfortable in the situation what other person is making you go through. When you start second guessing or feel it in your guts or don't feel comfortable..take this as your sign and stand firm with your decisions. Make the other person understand why you don't agree with them..try to make them see your point of view. And if it still doesn't work out get help.
Anonymous
April 17th, 2022 1:34pm
Here are some options for your consideration. Contact a lawyer and any non profit that deals with this issue and is equipped with the resources to support you. In some countries it is actually against the law. Try to recover as much evidence of the blackmail and find a solicitor or paralegal to help your next steps. If it doesn't stop you may want to tell a loved one to help support you make a statement to the police. If you do go to the police don't just make be verbal communication but take a solicitors guidance with you so that your complaints are properly logged and taken into account. It is always best to seek professional advice.
Anonymous
May 19th, 2022 6:31pm
First of all, have a think about your relationship with them and if it's healthy or not. Secondly, if you can trust your partner it may be best to sit down with them and talk about how their actions made you feel. Tell them with no omissions so that they can understand you. If your partner ignores you and tries to manipulate you again, this could constitute a red flag. Also, try and get some space away from them so you can think. Practice self care, whatever self care looks like for you. I hope you'll feel better soon op!
IsabellaUwU
May 6th, 2022 3:51pm
The best way to deal with emotional blackmail from a partner is to be on common ground, let them know it isn't right and work it out together. Sometimes people just don't like to or want to deal with something, pushing the other away just to come back and threatening them with how they don't do anything or why they're so guilt trippy (which they usually are not). In these situations, the best thing is to just sit down and talk about it, communication in ANY partner relationship does wonders especially if both sides are going through rough times. It sounds simple but it's much harder to listen and understand your partner if you don't just sit down, drink some water, and talk about it.
Chrissylawrence1983
May 18th, 2022 5:39am
The Meaning of Emotional Blackmail. Emotional blackmail is the process in which an individual makes demands and threats to manipulative another person to get what they want. First, recognize what isn't emotional blackmail. When a loved one's needs or boundaries trigger frustration or discomfort, you may want to resist. ... Keep calm and stall. ... Start a conversation. ... Identify your triggers. ... Enlist them in compromise. People with borderline personality disorder are particularly likely to use emotional blackmail (as too are destructive narcissists). However, their actions may be impulsive and driven by fear and a desperate sense of hopelessness, rather than being the product of any conscious plan.
Anonymous
June 16th, 2018 2:24am
Take a step back and observe your emotions and his actions. How are you feeling? What is your partner doing, and how are you reacting to their actions? Talk to your friends and family but try to look at things objectively
beju
October 19th, 2017 4:49am
The best way is to empower the self. To create an atmosphere of confidence. To take steps to calm the mind and body and respond with confidence. Some external help can be taken if needed.
CaringCat94
November 24th, 2017 12:37pm
I think the best way is to make it clear that you know what your partner is doing and that it is unacceptable. Try to express your own feelings and let them know how their behaviour impacts on you
Deetas3
March 2nd, 2018 2:32pm
Draw strict boundaries and express them clearly to your partner. Stay consistent with this, while showing love and empathy for them, calmly let them know that you will not respond to this form of communication.
Anonymous
March 4th, 2018 4:34pm
The best way to deal with emotional blackmail from a partner and by confronting them and telling them that it isn't okay to do it so they can take the time to think about their actions and change if necessary.
wonderfulfeeling
April 11th, 2018 11:55pm
Ignore it. This is one of the hardest things to do sometimes, but in the long run it will make you a better person. Don't get caught up in the present, get caught up in the future!