Why do I constantly think my boyfriend is cheating on me?
Last Updated: 09/28/2020 at 3:13pm
Jennifer Patterson, LMFT, ATR-BC
Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.
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I know that this is a bit of an old thread, but I will share my insight nonetheless. I have gone through a similar situation myself recently. If you don't trust him, there must be a reason for you to feel that way which is leading you to think your boyfriend is cheating. My significant other, who I was with for 7 years, was suddenly acting differently. They were secretive about their texts/phone calls, lying about being home when they were out, and accusing me of cheating when I had done nothing at all. They were also picking fights with me out of nowhere. I had a gut feeling that my significant other was cheating and it was eating at me day in and day out for months. I eventually had the opportunity to go through their cellphone, and discovered texts between them and several other people who they were basically dating behind my back. Now, I am not condoning what I did or how I went about things to learn the truth. But when you have a feeling that something isn't right, and you yourself have done nothing wrong to give you such a guilty conscious, then your suspicions are almost sure to be true. I hope this info helps!
Constantly questioning a partner's fidelity speaks to a lack of trust between the two of you. Whether it has to do with fidelity itself or some other issue, there exists a reason for which it is difficult for you to keep your trust in them, personal, external, or something to do with them. If anything, constantly thinking your partner is cheating serves as a sign of something needing to potentially be resolved; it is not necessarily indicative of actual infidelity.
You could have a low self-esteem. Like you have a picture of yourself that your worth is what others, like your boyfriend is "giving" you. Trouble is you inner picture is sabotaging you all the time, since there is your focus. What you focus on, you get more of. We are always in creation-mode. And not realizing that we really are. So, when always have same focus of something negative, and thus always recreating this negative stuff, makes us think we are "stuck" when in a reality are not. Just have to realize how creation are made and that we are indeed in control of our reality. A alternative way to choose could be to think: "I am loved, I am full of love to share, for example my boyfriend!".
It sounds like you need to explore why you are feeling this way. It could be that he has cheated before and you're worried he will again. In which case, that needs to be talked through abd resolved betseen you two. Seek a counselor if needed for that. If he has not, and he doesn't give you reasons to believe yhat he is, you might be dealing with some internal insecurities either about yourself or about your relationship. This is when you need to stop and ask yourself some difficult but clarifying questions. Do you feel that you aren't worthy or not enough for him? Do you feel he deserves better? Do you worry that you don't matter enough ot deserve his love? If so, you might want to talk with a trusted friend or counselor by yourself to work on any inner insecurities. Sometimes, we tell ourselves things that aren't true (like we don't deserve love) because we are insecure. Or, could you be dealing with mistrust issues? Is it possible you have always had an issue trusting people in general or in relationships? If so, try to seek out a trusted friend or counselor to discover if something from your past or inside you is causing you to have difficulty trusting people in general. The more open you are to explore your own insecurities or issues, the quicker you may begin to heal yourself. Although, asking yourself these questions and exploring these topics may seem scary or painful...on the other side of healing there is peace and happiness.
It feels terrible when a partner is unfaithful, in my case I began to think about it too long and I amplified anxiety states in myself, the biochemistry of anxiety does not allow to think clearly and the body suffers tension. Trusting others has degrees of intensity, sometimes we have obvious clues that something is happening, other times imagination over-reactivates my defense system, biochemically I prepare myself for an unpleasant event. If a person was unfaithful in the past, anticipation makes us have many attitudes: like spying, demanding attention, trying to check messages or activities. We become secret agents but nobody pays us a salary. The path of return to trust between two people can be rebuilt gradually, each person doing their part to create something valuable again. It is important to know to what extent we are going to demand irrefutable proof of fidelity, create a "sensible game of life", it implies from my opinion, communicating the needs and doing experiments with the couple to regain ground of trust. This allows you to abandon the exaggeration that alienates others. And if a person does not want to be faithful, then it is convenient for me / us to value ourselves, love oneself and review the decision to stay or leave.
It's because you don't have enough trust in him, and if you want that trust you have to be close with him, try to find out about his life but don't get in too deep or he will feel that you don't trust him
If you feel this insecurity, it means that you don't trust him enough. I suggest you to talk it over with your boyfriend.
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