Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Why do I get scared about being in a relationship?

29 Answers
Last Updated: 09/28/2020 at 12:17pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
April 26th, 2015 10:56am
Due to past experiences, due to rejection, due to it hurts to be hurt again, due to you can't control your emotions from past experience, due to you are scared being in a relationship, due to you don't things to be repeated again and again, you don't want to harm yourself, due to you just want your life back and be normal and be yourself where you feel your freedom will be in bird cage and you wont able to live yourself ...!!!
August 23rd, 2016 4:59pm
Being in a relationship is hard so it is perfectly normal if you feel scared, its only because you love the person you are going in a relationship with and therefore don't want to hurt them! Its okay to feel scared and you don't have to be in or do anything you don't feel comfortable with, best wishes :)
May 2nd, 2016 9:57pm
Maybe you have attachment issues? I know for the longest time that was my problem, I was scared about loosing the person, getting hurt, and them not being the one.
May 10th, 2015 6:36am
Relationships can be scary because it's making yourself totally vulnerable to another person. You're opening yourself up and that always leaves a possibility to be hurt. But the positive side is that you're also opening up to one of the greatest experiences of life, which is always a risk worth taking.
April 2nd, 2016 7:51am
it is sometimes normal to feel uncertain about entering a relationship. However, it can have something to do with your own attachment pattern that is developed since infancy and early childhood. For more, please read about the concept of Attachment types.
February 6th, 2015 9:29pm
A lot of the time, we feel like our relationship is consuming us. Sometimes we let our feelings get the best of us and the idea of being "restricted" by a relationship tends to become scary. It's all about wanting control over ourselves, and a relationship can make you feel like you don't have all of the control. It's perfectly normal and if you do have a partner, can be talked through often. Your concerns are perfectly fine and is all in human nature.
June 5th, 2015 6:44pm
It's normal thing to be scared to be in a relationship. People always have this thing in their mind that something bad might happen when they'll be in a relationship, but it not always does.
February 13th, 2015 10:37am
I'm quiet and shy and really opening up to someone can be intimidating. I'm not completely comfortable with my emotions so I often try to focus on the other person. I guess I'd be scared that the person I was dating would think that I'm not interested, but it takes a while for me to come out of my shell
March 15th, 2015 12:58am
You could be aromantic. Not to be confused with asexuality, aromanticism is where an individual doesn't experience romantic attraction. They can still feel sexual attraction, or they could be both aromantic and asexual. Like asexuality, aromanticism comes in shades: demiromantic, where you only experience romantic attraction after a close bond is formed, and gray-aromantic, where you rarely experience romantic attraction. There are many other shades, but those are the main two. I hope this helped!
June 5th, 2015 9:25am
Because you may feel vulnerable, letting someone new into yAllowing another to learn your secrets, our world/private space. It can also be scary to let go of you, be seen as you truly are.
November 3rd, 2015 4:39pm
you could be scared of being cheated on which I can say is a horrible thing to go through from past experience or you could be scared of commitment
February 6th, 2015 10:28pm
The scary parts of relationships is that you don't know if you are going to get hurt. You don't know when it will end if it does end or how it will end. There are too many questions. The unknown is hard but it something that you just have to try and come to terms with.
August 17th, 2015 8:09am
Relationship are stressful. They can put a lot of strain on us sometimes. Making us fear complications that could arise from the relationship, making you scared.
September 15th, 2015 1:44am
If you have been a bad relationship before then you need to tell yourself that not everyone is the same.
November 3rd, 2015 10:03am
I have been hurt a lot. My trust in relationships is very low. I have to work on self love and my own trust first. I feel like my radar is just way off when it comes to healthy people!
January 11th, 2016 3:56am
It is a big big step. Relationships are often built on trust. Trust is something that is earnt and can be hard to give or have. You trust the other person not to hurt you and therefore are scared in case they do.
May 31st, 2016 8:21am
You are afraid of being in a relationship because you have had your heart broken several times before
June 20th, 2016 5:06am
Most people are scared of commitment and heartbreak. These might be the reasons you're scared to get into a relationship.
June 28th, 2016 4:25am
Because I'm probably scared of getting hurt or I'm scared that I'm not ready for this and I might hurt the other person. I might even not be able to make a good future.
August 27th, 2016 11:16pm
You could quite possibly be scared to get attached to someone because of the fear of losing them.m
December 12th, 2016 4:44am
It's perfectly normal to become nervous to be in a new relationship. It makes you feel vulnerable in so many different ways. You wonder if you'll meet their expectations, or if they will even meet yours. The key is trying to be open to new experiences. Relationships can be incredibly rewarding and are always a learning experience.
March 6th, 2017 4:46pm
This is a tough question, the best answer I can think of is that you don't know what you want out of life yet. Figure out what kinda person you want to be with and what you want your futur to look like first.
May 15th, 2017 9:39am
Any previous abuse in a relationship, family or dating, can cause a very strong fear of being in a future relationship.
November 20th, 2017 3:40pm
Because it is something new. It can take a lot of time and effort which can be scary. But very rewarding!
October 9th, 2018 5:23pm
Maybe because you are afraid that it could not work or maybe because you don’t trust people easily so you always think that they will hurt you at the end. Anyway honey look they are good and bad people around us but we have to figure out who is good and who is bad. It’s very important. When you find the right person, gradually your fears will disappear. Don’t push it or anything and don’t think of it as it’s a scary thing and start to be pessimistic. Not all the relationships succeed and not all of them fail so it really depends. Good luck.
September 9th, 2019 4:42pm
I have had 3 relationship experiences and I have been afraid of all of them just because I never thought I would ever be able to be my true self around them. I thought I was super weird, gross and a bad type of unique. Like why would anyone love me and be in a relationship with me? I would start having a crush, become friends and eventually they supposedly liked me back, they either really did or they didn't and most of the time, I couldn't see the truth behind what they told me just because my anxiety always told me I would never be good enough for anybody to actually be in love with.
June 15th, 2020 2:50pm
Sometimes I get scared about being open and honest with someone, especially if it's in the beginning of a relationship, and I'm still getting to know them. It's hard to know if someone is going to be open-minded and caring, especially if you need to talk about a difficult topic or something that is really important to you. Sometimes it seems easier to just not be in a relationship rather than keep putting myself out there and then being disappointed that someone isn't a good listener or empathetic or a good match for me. Sometimes it seems safer to be alone than repeatedly experience heartbreak.
June 16th, 2020 10:59pm
It is likely you've been hurt in past relationship, and putting trust in yet another relationship causes you discomfort and fear because you do not want to re-live or experience the negative experiences you've had in the past. It is also possible that you fear that similar negative experiences in the past will re-occur again. Or that you have negative relationships with your parents or within your family. Often if we are able to build a relationship slowly by building trust, and using communication as a ways of mending disagreements, you can move forward and have relationships in a healthy way.
September 28th, 2020 12:17pm
We can have a lot of bad examples around us that nourished our trust issue. Then it can be because of past bad experiences. Like maybe your ex emotionally manipulated you, broke your trust, treat you less than what you deserve. Maybe your ex was just with you for sex. You were somehow taken advantage of. All these might have taken a toll on your emotional well being and you are scared to be in a relationship. The trauma that still haunts you won't let you trust anybody with your heart again. Apart from it, you think that your freedom will be cut down by the other and maybe the emotional need may be too much for you to fulfill. That's why you escape commitment.