How can you learn to to love yourself, love the way you look after he cheated with someone younger, thinner, childless?
Last Updated: 08/10/2020 at 11:30am
Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.
Top Rated Answers
First, you are NOT ALONE! I have met so many women, from all walks of life, in a similar situations as yours. Why? Because society treats women like we have an expiry date, like we are objects on a shelf to be used up and disposed for a newer model. Second, understand that his cheating is not a reflection of you, it is a reflection of him. She is young? But you were young once too and we all age. Even this younger woman will age. Then what will happen to her? It's a repeating cycle. If he did it to you, chances are high he will do it to her too. Age is not a factor here. Weight is not a factor here. Kids are not a factor here. He cheated. His true colours have been revealed, believe them the first time. Third, Jennifer Anniston, Princess Diana, Eva longoria and Uma Thurman were all cheated on by their husbands. Does that make them any less of a woman? Nope. Do they look like they love themselves? Sure seems like it. How did they get their confidence back? They learned that you cannot place your value, happiness or self-worth in the hands of another human (someone who has the ability to crush it). I encourage you to use this pain as motivation to invest all the energy and tears you put into him back into yourself. To do this you have to create new experiences to replace the old ones. When you are alone and have time to ruminate, you will keep thinking about him, the other woman and try to make sense of what happened. Instead, you have to distract yourself and put new thoughts into your head. This can be achieved through pampering yourself like going for a simple facial or a manicure, going for a movie with your kids, go for an outing with family to surround yourself with people who love, take half-an-hour to go for a lunch with the girls, read books and watch youtube videos about this very topic, buy yourself a new outfit, get a pet, buy a blender and start drinking healthy fruit smoothies, pray, write down all your feelings in a journal or go for 10 minute walks outside, in nature, to ease your anxiety. These small acts of self-love will allow you to learn to smile again. He is not an adonis, do not put him up high on a pedestal and, in doing so, allow him to look down on you from that position. Often times we lose ourselves in people. We try to change ourselves to make someone else happy. But we cannot run away from ourselves. Will this be easy? No. Does it hurt? Of course. Is it okay to cry? Absolutely. But you also have 1 life to live and when people walk away from us, sometimes the best thing to do is let them go. In letting them go, we have set course a journey to find ourselves again. Remember there was a time he wasn't in your life and you were happy, maybe you had dreams, hopes, goals....and you can still have those.
I think it's important to realise that your hapinness and your well being doesn't and shouldn't depend on someone else, only on yourself. I believe once you realise that, you can love yourself. Because at the end of the day, there is always going to be someone, who is more pretty, more skinny, more rich, more succesful than you and if you wait to become the prettiest or the richest, you'll never really be happy. And do not forget to be thankful, happy and satisfied with what you have and for who you are, while you're working on what you want.
Remember that this has nothing to do with you. Regardless of any problems or hiccups that you may have had in your relationship, there is no excuse whatsoever for him to cheat. It has nothing to do with your age, weight, or the fact that you have a child. Remember that people who cheat often has problems that they need to work on themselves. This person has done something absolutely terrible and instead of focusing on his actions, try and focus on yourself! Put your energy and focus into work, deep clean your house, try out that recipe you've been curious about. Taking time for yourself and appreciating the good things in your life can make the world of a difference.
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