I constantly put myself down. I will never be good enough to satisfy myself. How can I fix this?
Last Updated: 01/12/2021 at 8:02pm
Traci Seery, LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
Are you living your best life? My style is collaborate, supportive and compassionate. Together, we will develop goals that produce positive results to make your life better.
Top Rated Answers
Of course, I can't directly tell you what to do because everybody responds to different things. But I can tell you what I do when I feel down about myself. For one, whenever I get up in the morning and know that there will be something difficult that day, for example a hard exam, I tell myself that I can do this and that I am good enough. The other thing I do is that I leave little quotes lying around my time, sometimes on the bathroom mirror or just on my desk that encourage me. And the other thing I do, the thing that helps me the most, is to try to give compliments to other people. That way I know that I am doing something good for someone else, and it makes me feel less like I don't do anything in this world. Something else I have found helpful is talking to someone if I feel this way. This really helps to clear your head and remind yourself that there are people that care and that you don't have to do everything perfectly to be a good person. Spending time around people that encourage you is also something that often helps, because then you have someone that has always got your back if you are not doing well. Another thing is that when you feel the urge coming up to put yourself down or talk bad about yourself to tell yourself stop or go do something else that will take your mind off of it. I know this can be hard and sometimes it takes time and support to really get the hang of this. But after you have taken a little bit of time to gather your thoughts, try rephrasing whatever negative thing you wanted to say into something positive or even something that you could work on, make a goal out of it. And one of the most important things I do is I make a list at the end of everyday of all the things I did well and all the things I want to do tomorrow. That really cheers me up because it reminds me that even if I had a failure, there were far more good things that I did, even if they are just simple things like saying thank you to someone. Don't get me wrong. It's not easy to get out of the cycle of putting yourself down. But there are so many people here to support you and help you and I know that you can do this. You are a wonderful person and you deserve to feel this way about yourself too. I hope this helped.
Try not to compete with yourself, because you'll never win. Just aim to get a little better each time. Put in the effort, learn to acknowledge that you did as well as you could, and accept that that is as good as it could have gone. It's ok to make mistakes, but it's important to not be discouraged by our limitations.
Begin to practice mindfulness and practice living in the moment. This will allow you to be present and enjoy your experience rather than stress about anxieties. This will allow you to enter a headspace in which you can practice gratitude for the things around you. It is important to begin this practice because self-esteem is easily tarnished but it is important to focus on energy on other, more stable areas of your life, so if your self-esteem is affected, you are able to maintain a healthy head space and fixate on other things as well. You are the controller of your own mind and you can choose how much you allow different areas of life to affect you.
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