I don't see anything in myself but others do. I am scared that they will start to see me the way I see myself. And I don't know who to be anymore. Who should I be?
Last Updated: 03/05/2019 at 12:32pm
Caroline Middelsdorf, MSc.
I am a warm hearted, patient, calm and open-minded therapist. I am here to dedicate my expertises to my clients and their individual challenges, thoughts and feelings.
Top Rated Answers
This is such a difficult question to have and I think it comes from the fact that we are told we can "do anything and be anything." While this is true, it doesn't mean that we should do anything or be anything. What it means is that we should try to figure out what we like out of the things that we are 'naturally' good at and focus on becoming better at those things. When people around you remark on a particular talent of yours, that's because they are seeing something that stands out to them - you are different than other people in that way. The reason you don't think so is exactly because it comes so naturally that all you can see are the people who do it better. You cringe to be compared on your worst days or by your least-impressive efforts; you know what it looks like to not do as well as whatever quality they see. Here's a thought experiment: What would you think if the people whom you think are good artists or the most kind or witty told you that you're just wrong about that? It would not change the way you see them at all. You would not change your mind even if the artist showed you earlier sketches or the last thing they crumpled up, if the kind person told you about mean things said or kindness not shown, or a witty person telling you that they're actually shy. You might feel compassion for them and still hope that they can see what you see and not wander off asking who they should be when you are pointing right at what makes them feel good and special to others. Your identity is in how you regard yourself (with respect and love, I hope), what you do, and whom you surround yourself with. If you can work on these things based on what feels right, and with the feedback of trusted others, then you will 'discover' who you are.
Yourself. Okay, that doesn't make any sense right now but you are who you see yourself as because however you think of yourself tends to manifest. If you believe you are strong, capable, and beautiful then you are strong, capable, and beautiful. If others see something in you that you don't, then maybe you haven't really looked at yourself. From experience, it is really easy to get lost in negative thoughts on replay like a broken mental record. But you should know that there is always going to be something positive that you can see about yourself. You just have to look a little harder but it's right there. You should be exactly who you are.
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