Why do I compare myself to everyone else and feel I'm not good enough?
Last Updated: 06/29/2020 at 11:02am
Monique Bivins, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
I have a real passion for helping my clients to overcome life's obstacles . My work with clients is nonjudgmental, supportive, and interactive.
Top Rated Answers
It is a critical part of the human psyche to always try to be better than everyone around us. That's what drives competition among people, friends, family members, and so on. However, this does not mean in any way that you are not good enough or not as cool as other people may be. The truth is that being "cool" is a subjective term and everybody has different ideas of what they consider to be "cool." So when you compare yourself and feel you're not good enough, what you're doing is just fueling the natural competitive spirit of all people. In reality, you are so much more than good enough, you are perfect however you are because the flaws and strengths you have are what make you YOU. And those are not things that you should try to change, because changing who you are means that people will never truly get to know you afterwards.
Comparing ourselves with everyone else is our basic instinct as from the childhood we are being compared by the society, and as we grew up, it has become a habit. Making comparison mostly leads to negativity or it can be put as "we want to be better than others and we want recognition". and when we find others flourishing in their life, we feel insecure and think we are not good enough. But we forget that each one of us is different in certain way. No two humans are exactly similar in their attributes, behaviour, thinking, etc. Understand that you are unique. You are possessing many qualities/things which others would wish to have. It's just that we haven't found out yet what are we best at or what are the qualities we possess. So explore yourself, drive out your fears, know your field of interest and you can definitely find something hidden in you. Everyday there is some change in ourselves. Never stop exploring your inner self. You are bundle of mysteries. If you want to compare then compare your present self with your past self. Have faith in you. Maybe you won't be good enough for 10 things but there are tons of other things waiting out there where you only would be enough and that would be your strength. So don't feel low, you are Special.
Good enough for what is really the question that you should ask yourself. Why to you have to be like everybody else is another good question to ask.
This happens because we are only comparing ourselves to the good aspects of others that we envy, which is easy to do when looking at the small snapshot of our lives that we present on social media. But it is important to resist this urge for comparison, as others have their unique traits, just like you have yours; just as they have things about themselves that they dislike which make them feel like they are not good enough too. Just keep reminding yourself of your own character strengths, and take ownership of your identity and developing what you love about yourself, rather than trying to assume the identity of someone else and trying to love yourself by their standards.
Sometimes we compare ourselves to others, and feel self conscious. In these times we should know, that everyone grows on their own time, and that you should not doubt your worth because of one bad experience, if a dollar bill is stepped on, it does not lose its worth. Be happy for what others get, just as you would be happy for yourself, because you will grow on your own time, and you will surely get it too, acceptance is key! Remember that you’re worth it, and you ARE good enough. We only get these feelings when we judge ourselves, and we should not judge but be our own number one supporter through everything. You’re worth it. :)
There’s multiple reasons why you might feel that way. One can be that in most western communities it’s very common to compare oneself and also compare oneself to unachievable standards that are portrayed as perfectly normal. For example comparing oneself to a model or a character in a movie can be very harmful simply because it’s not realistic. Social media directs the thoughts to comparing oneself as well. How many likes, followers, retweets can you get? But these numbers could never truly capture a person. Also it’s important to realise that people on social media will only post the best pictures and speak about the most exciting and beautiful parts of their life. This mentality of comparing is very deeply rooted in western societies and is especially harmful to people who are very sensitive or at a vulnerable state in their life. Try to be kind to yourself and keep in mind that it’s impossible to really compare two people. Every person is just way too complex and beautiful to be labelled as “better” or “worse” than another. Take care!
It's normal to compare yourself to others in a world that encourages exactly that, what you have to remember is everyone is different (as cliche as it may sound), comparing yourself is not productive as people are born differently, some people are good at certain things and bad at others, some people look certain ways etc. Focus on yourself and how you can be a better person, compare yourself to who you were yesterday and try and improve that way. Comparing yourself to others will lead to a zer-sum game that will never give you happiness. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not others!
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